Handwritten letters over the stretched miles, my heart written right down on those papers, stickered and sealed and sent for three long years. A dress and a dance and a spark of a dream becoming a reality, a real, tangible God answer right there by my side. Months later came two tests with two lines and the overwhelming shock and fear and anticipation of life changed. And a life that was expected to grow full term was gone before we could catch our breath. Right there in the depth of it we found a God who held us when we couldn’t hold him, because His Goodness was and is a sure thing when all that we hope for is unsure. And I realized that the husband I prayed for was the man whose blue eyes met mine at the end of the aisle with my Daddy by my side. Because His Graciousness of raising a man who seeks hard after Him is a sure thing when this world tells a different story. So those other four babies we now dreamed of together were placed right into the hands of a God
Who.
Had.
A.
Plan.
Now I find myself looking at a roll of cardboard charred from the sunlight through a magnifying glass, a pile of snow clothes thrown through out a room I want all to much to just stay clean, a boy duck taping his sister which quickly turns from fun to tears, a baby boy discovering his ability to destroy all his mama’s hard work and fingerprints in leftover strawberry jam. And there’s clothes and coats and shoes and projects and kisses and hugs and needs and wants and not enough me to go around or to keep up. That girl who dreamed of this all those years ago didn’t ask for or dream of any of what it really meant. Yet it was given and it is loved and it is wanted and I. Am. Blessed. And in the background of this messy, beautiful, ordinary life I hear it play to music the words that my heart sings each and every moment:
“Christ is enough for me.”
He is enough. For every moment of it being too much and not enough. For every prayer that has passed my expectations and every one that’s answer came with a stinging pain. He is enough for every time my heart has broken and He is enough for every time my heart is healed and made whole.
He has been enough through the five I asked. Enough for the two that my womb was blessed to carry and my heart filled to love. Enough for the ache of my empty arms and my emptied self. He has been enough for the three that bring this weary mama to the foot of the cross begging for wisdom to raise them up in Him. He is enough to know that there is a season for all the joys and sorrows of parenting, that there is strength to raise and strength to let go.
He is enough to keep my hand planted firmly within the rough hands of a man whose love is tried and proven. Enough when the fairy tale failed us, enough when it all fell through, enough when we failed one another. He is enough when we fall so disturbingly short. For every moment we want to build a wall, his love is enough to keep the bricks on the ground. Grounded in Him so this love of ours can grow up rooted and founded in Him. For every time heart ache pierces right through, His forgiveness is enough to extend our arms tight around the other and pull us in close.
He is enough when my whole world is shifted and when the road ahead is uncertain. He makes a way because He knows The Way. When the time for change comes and the time of second chances is given, He says “follow me” and it is in Him I trust because He has been faithful every time before.
Christ is enough for me. He bled for my sins, and although I feel so unworthy, one drop was enough. He came for my heart, and although it’s scarred and emptied and poured out, He is enough to fill it and make it whole. He came for my life, and when I mess up and get it all wrong, He is enough to make my life new.
And all this that I have is a sure thing, because Christ is what I’m sure of. I’m sure of His Goodness, His Sovereignty and His Unending Love. I’m sure of His Grace, His Mercy and His Healing. I am sure that He renews, restores, redeems and sets free. I am sure that I am His and He is Mine. And I am sure that His plan for me is good when I know and feel it and also when I don’t.
Christ is enough because Christ covered it all. We can be sure.
“People with their minds set on you, you keep completely whole, steady on their feet, because they keep at it and don’t quit. Depend on God and keep at it because in the LORD God you have a sure thing.” Isaiah 26:3-4 MSG
“Imagine the breathtaking recovery life makes, sovereign life, in those who grasp with both hands this wildly extravagant life-gift, this grand setting-everything-right, that the one man Jesus Christ provides.” Romans 5:17 MSG
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