My Dearest Isaiah,

I often wonder who you would be today.  But I have to remind myself who you are.

I wonder if you’d be like your brother, bounding with energy and limitless curiosity and imagination.  But you get to run free, free of limitations and restraints.  You don’t have to imagine because you see it all - more than we can imagine as we’re restricted to this world.

I wonder how different life would be different with you, how much our lives would be changed if you had arrived - healthy, bloody, crying and quivering - full term.  But your “due date” was figured by our earth-bound expectation.  You age is not counted by years flipping past on a calendar.  You were not full to term but your life was full of love.  Immense love.

I wonder if you would have a wide smile and silly disposition that would make our days brighter.  But you have brightened hundreds of souls, brought them hope in the story of you.   God has used your brief life to continue His work.

I wonder if you would have the same dirty hands your brother and dad have - boy hands, hands that don’t scrub clean.  But yours are the hands and feet of Jesus in our world, continuing to spread the message of the hope and healing we find only through Him.  I see you written on the hearts of those lives your story, your momentary existence has touched.

I wonder what it would had been like to have met you.  But I one day will and no midwife, no nurse will hand you to me.  Instead, when I am called Home, there you will be.

I wonder who you would be but I know who you are.

You are the first life that ever planted in my womb to be grown and nourished by my self.

You are the life that forever changed us.

      Your Daddy hugs me longer and holds me tighter because of you.
       
      You have given us hearts that understand, hearts that have broken and hearts
                           that have found a Healer.

You are a gift from God my child.  He chose to bless us with the opportunity to care for you, to fill with love to you and to break for you.  He gave us you.

Your story is the story I tell.  Because you, my dearest Isaiah, mattered to me.

I loved you with everything I had.  I dreamed of you a thousand dreams.

As you have life fully, freely, abundantly with your sibling, we will continue to allow your fraction of a time with us to be used for His glory and His good.

I often wonder who you would be today.  But I know, I know who you are.

Love, 
Mama