Enjoying vs. Tolerating

    One of Jayden’s most recent favorite things to do is to style Daddy’s hair. She gathers up all her bows and clips and goes straight to Daddy. He fixes her hair and he lets her fix his. She has the cutest giggle when she looks at Daddy with pigtails and pink bows! As silly as it is, it’s a special time they share that has given us some of the sweetest memories.
    Jayden decided it would be a fun idea to do this to our cat, Meeka, one day. She got her headbands, put some in her hair then sat one, complete with a bow on top, on the cat. Most normal cats would run…ours did not. He just put his ears back and let her do what she pleased. Then Peyton got in on the fun! They got brushes and bows and Meeka ended up with a bow in each ear, now being held against his will! He tried to escape but it wasn’t very long before he gave up and the fun continued (for the kids). I snapped a few pictures, took off his bows, and let him out of Peyton’s grasp!
    After seeing some pictures a friend of mine said “Randy enjoyed it but it looks like the cat was just tolerating it!”. This thought made me laugh but it stuck with me. I began to wonder what things in my life was I enjoying and what was I tolerating? To enjoy means to take pleasure in; to tolerate means to put up with. Clearly two different things. Our kids, our jobs, trials we face, times of celebration and times of sadness. Every situation we find ourselves in brings us to a choice. A decision that we’re going to enjoy it - learn everything we can, capture the moment, laugh, cry, LIVE in the moment. Or else a decision that we’re simply going to tolerate it - put up with it, wait for the moment to pass, put up walls, cower in fear.
    I think of times when my kids are trying every ounce of my patience whether it’s with tears, whining, tantrums etc. One thing I try to do in those moments is this - step back and know that one day, when the kids are grown, I will greatly miss all of these moments, good and bad, giggles and fits so right now I need to not take them for granted. This trick doesn’t always work, because sometimes I think to myself “No…I will not miss this!”, but most of the time it does and I realize they’re simply babies growing, learning how they feel, clueless to how to navigate through life, needing guidance and love.
    I also think of trials we face, no matter of what sort. One thing I have learned is this - every trial brings an opportunity to help us grow IF we allow it to.
   There are just too many things to be mentioned but I hope you think about this. I know it’s changed my perspective and I pray it does yours. I will leave you with these synonyms:

Enjoying: adore, appreciate, be entertained, be pleased, delight in, get a kick out of, go, have a ball, have a good time, have fun, like, live a little, live it up, love, rejoice in, relish, savor, take joy in

Tolerate: accept, bear with, blink at, go along with, live with, permit, put up with, sit and take it, sit still for, string along, submit to

Are you enjoying the things in your life or are you simply tolerating them?

A Lot Like A Time Out

    I fully understand that every family has their own ways of discipline. In our home, when you disobey, you get a time out. Sometimes when they’re in a time out they kick, yell, beg, cry, but we do not give their actions attention. The reason they act out is because they want to be in control, they want to be heard. If I tried to talk them out of a fit or give any attention to their behavior, it would show them that what they are doing is in fact getting my attention and that they do have some control of the situation. I have found that before the time out is over he/she has usually calmed themselves down and is ready to listen and learn to change what got he/she there in the first place. Once we’ve talked about the problem, they apologize, we give hugs and kisses, and move on about our day.
    I have realized that God uses this same form of teaching at times. I feel like He has had me in a personal time out. For some time now God has been moving mountains for me and I have been cooperating (reluctantly at times, but cooperating) but for a few days it seemed like I was asking God where He is and why we stopped moving. The thing was- I noticed this but had no idea why. I had nothing happen to make me sad or angry, not PMSing, no excuses I could muster up...just felt BLAH. 
        “I will give them one heart, and a new spirit I will put within them. I will remove the heart of stone from their flesh and give them a heart of flesh, that they may walk in my statutes and keep my rules and obey them. And they shall be my people, and I will be their God” Ezekiel 11:19-20. God has given us a softened heart of flesh that is able to hear His voice but if we are disobedient for too long our hearts will begin to harden. Spending regular time in His presence will allow Him to soften our hearts and when this occurs we are better able to hear His voice and obey Him. This opened my eyes to the problem I've been unaware that I was having. For a few weeks now I have felt a small (small is important here because sometimes when God moves, it's completely apparent...this time it was more of a small nudge)...a small nudge to change something. I have not been too keen on this idea because, to be honest, it wasn’t convenient for me. Point being - I have been disobeying God. He has been faithful in teaching me and guiding me and much has changed but now He is requiring more, a different way of doing things. I realized that although I've been doing what I thought I should do, HE had asked me to make a change and I wasn't cooperating, so the other “right” things were no longer blessed because I was not following His will for ME. The longer I disobeyed, the more my heart was hardening to His voice and the more I was un-consciencely giving Satan.
     When we disobey, God silences Himself and patiently waits for us to be ready to listen to Him. It is then that we need to silence ourselves before Him and listen for His instruction. If God seems silent, there is a reason, we need to stop kicking, yelling, begging and trying to get His attention and just be silent. Once God opens our eyes to the problem, all He asks is that we ask for His forgiveness. After that, we can move on, learn from our mistakes and live in His favor.

Baby Isaiah

    As I filled in the birthdays on the new years calendar I came to “Baby Isaiah” and I took a moment to thank God for the blessing our unborn baby is to us and for how far the Lord has brought me. In the past when I would see this day a flood of emotions would overwhelm me, like “What does our baby look like?”, “Why was he taken away?”, “If only I could have held him”, and I would throw out question after question to God. I would tell myself He is control and He has a reason for everything but I wasn’t acting it or really believing it. A few years later we had Peyton and some of my fears subsided, until it happened a second time. This brought about even more questions like “how could You put me through this again?”. The pain and grief of a miscarriage is often one that is unspoken. One we think we carry alone, even our husbands haven’t felt the physical aspects of bonding with the baby you’re carrying and then the pain of losing it.
    I found myself questioning Gods intentions because I couldn’t understand why. Some of life storms pass and once through them we can look back and say “I understand God and I thank you because I’m better for it” at times easier than others. I knew in my heart that God does not make mistakes and that our angels have a home far beyond what we could have provided here on earth but I still couldn’t find closure and I still didn’t understand why. Then during a Bible study I was faced with the question “when was your first real heartbreak?” and my first answer was “I think I went through most of my later childhood and teen years with a broken heart of some form.” But I quickly felt I needed a better answer, “my first REAL heartbreak?”…after some time in prayer I answered “My first REAL heartBREAK was when we lost our first baby.” After realizing that small truth about myself I went on and finished the lesson. Toward the end I read a small part that changed everything for me:
“A crushing hurt comes to our heart and the sympathizing, scarred hand of Christ presses the wound; and for just a moment, the pain seems to intensify…but finally the bleeding stops.”
Just the image of His scarred hand over my hurting heart was profound! From that moment on the way I looked at the whole situation changed. I wasn’t alone, God understood my hurt completely, and He began opening my eyes to the blessings I had because of my loss. Isaiah 40:21 says “…not one is missing or lacks anything.” People come and go from this earth every day but not one is missing, whether they are here or not there is a reason for it. Take time to read Job 38, let it sink in your heart how Mighty our God truly is.
    I may never know “why” as long as I’m on this earth but I have found a peace in knowing that God is Sovereign and He IS in control. He is our Comforter, the Mender of broken hearts and if you let Him, He will heal your every hurt.
    As I wrote his birthday down on our calendar, although a part of me will always be sad, I finally am able to see the blessings that have come. Believe it or not there are more than what I could write here. One of the biggest is the fact that I’m a better mother to my babies I have here with me. I honestly see them as gifts from God and I do my very best to not take them for granted. It brought my husband and I closer together and we each gained a much greater respect and love for our Lord. Our babies are sitting with Jesus and He holds them now, how precious that thought is!
    If you’re going through this, don’t run away from God or blame Him. Cling to Him and search for Him and He promises He will be there for you. He will answer you and He will comfort you. I pray for you that you are able to find peace and closure. Be comforted knowing that your precious angel is sitting on God’s lap waiting for you!