Allow God to Choose Your Color

Me and my girl got to spend a day together! Peyton stayed over at Gram and Pap’s because his Uncle Mike is home for spring break. A day without her big brother is rare for Jayden. Daddy even stayed home for a little in the morning to give her some extra luvins. We had a fun day together. One thing she wanted to do was paint her nails. She picked out a pretty pink color for herself and sat ever so still while I painted it on her fingernails and toenails. Then it was my turn. I told her she could pick out a color for Mommy. Out of about ten different colors, she picked the single one that I never wear! It is a bright red with sparkles through it. I can do red, but it’s the sparkles I don’t care for. I think I only have kept it to wear for Christmas. I asked if she’d pick a different one but she insisted on the bright red sparkles for my nails. Reluctantly I painted them, only doing so since it was her special day with Mommy.

Randy came home and it wasn’t long before he noticed. “Your nails look really nice babe,” he said, and I could tell he actually meant it. Later that evening he told me again how nice they looked. Jayden showed him each of our nails and jabbered away (in her own language of course!) about our time painting them! Maybe the sparkly red isn’t so bad after all. I still don’t know that I would pick it out for myself anytime but for now it will do, it’s more about pleasing my baby girl and not so much about the color itself.

When we decide to follow God, He tells us we are to be the light of the world. We are to stand out and shine among men. At times this will require stepping out of our comfort zone. We need to recognize we are not doing these things for our own good but to please God. When he asks us to “wear a color” that we ourselves wouldn’t choose, we should simply obey and do so for Him. Being a light in this world means that we are to shine. When something shines, it stands out, it can easily be seen. So let your light’s shine for Him. Allow people to see Christ through your works. Most of the time you will probably feel like I do with this sparkly red polish, but remember why I wore it - it’s more about pleasing my girl and not so much about the color itself. It’s more about pleasing our Father and not so much about what he calls us to do itself. Do what He calls you to do, don’t get caught up in worrying whether or not it’s something you would choose for yourself and whether or not you feel comfortable doing it. Someone just may notice and someone might decide whatever you’re doing looks good. Someone may want to wear the color for themselves and think, if you never stepped out of your comfort zone, that person may have never got to see it! I think it’s a “color” worth wearing, how about you?

“You are the light of this world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” Matthew 5:14-1

Do What You Do

Have you ever had something you were really good at but never thought anyone noticed? Has God called you to do something and you feel like you’re still waiting for the next step? I think we have all felt this way. Everyone has a “strong point”, something you excel in, a talent, a gift, a calling, and at one time or another we have felt unnoticed.

I’ve been doing a study on David. I’m only a few weeks into it but I’ve learned about David in the past. I really enjoy reading about him because he reminds me so much of myself and I believe there‘s a little David in all of us!

David was anointed when he was only 15 years old and at the time he was a small shepard boy. He was the least likely of all his brothers to be anointed as king, at least in humanly terms. He was overlooked by many, including his own father. But his Almighty Father saw David for who he really was, a man who within his small stature carried the biggest heart. David had a heart for God.

“For the Lord see not as man sees; for men look on the outward appearance but the Lord looks on the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

Although David was anointed when he was 15, he would not begin his reign in Judah until the age of 30. Talk about patiently waiting on God and His timing! God may call you, but it may take some time to get there. Most of us want to say “God, let’s go, I’m ready, you called me, here I am!”. It’s great to have enthusiasm, but be watchful that you aren’t trying to move things along by your own way. God knows your heart and he knows you, he knows what you can handle and where you need more experience. Be patient and allow God to develop you in the area that he has called you. If you try to push things along, you step out of God’s will and take control yourself. This will only cause you to miss the ultimate blessings he has in store for you.

“…I have seen a son of Jesse who plays skillfully, a valiant man, a man of war, prudent in speech and eloquent, an attractive person, and the Lord is with him.” 1 Samuel 16:18

I love this verse! After David was anointed, but before he would reign as king, what was he doing? He was just doing what he knew. He would shepard his sheep, play his lyre, and seek God. When Saul was looking for someone to get rid of his evil spirits, he requested a man who played skillfully on the lyre. One of Saul’s servants remembered David! David simply did was he was good at and someone saw him, went away, and when needed, remembered David!

“…and David came to Saul and served him. Saul became very fond of him, and he became his armor-bearer.” 1 Samuel 16:21

God gave David favor with Saul. This led right into the story of David & Goliath (1 Samuel 17). It was the beginning stages of David becoming king. David followed God and God faithfully put him right where he needed to be at the moment he needed to be there in order to eventually fulfill his calling.

If we, like David, will seek God and do what He blesses us to do, God will allow the right people to see it and also remember it at the time that is right!

“We know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28　 

Focused on the Ice Cream?

I was cleaning up dinner and remembered we had ice cream sandwiches in our freezer. I quietly said to Randy “I think we have ice cream sandwiches in the freezer downstairs!” and of course little ears Peyton replied “I want one! What’s an ice cream sandwich?!” The conversation continued like this….
“An ice cream sandwich?”, I asked hoping we even had any.
“Yea!!” the smile spreading across his face as he merely heard the word ice cream!
“Hmmm…an ice cream sandwich….you take two pieces of bread, put mayonnaise on one slice and mustard on the other. Then you put 3 scoops of ice cream on, sandwich them together and there you have it, an ice cream sandwich!”
As you can imagine his face turned from pure excitement to an uneasy smile. Peyton likes his actual sandwiches plain. No mustard, no mayo, no ketchup, not even cheese. So I asked him if he still wanted one and again he assured me he did. I wondered if he’d actually taste the mustard thinking it would go well with ice cream, so I got the mustard out!
“All right, you can have one, but make sure you like mustard first. Stick out your finger and try a little.”
Up came his finger and out came the mustard. Of course Jayden wanted to try some as well so I put a squirt on her finger. The bad thing about this was we didn’t have any regular mustard, all we had was “Spicy Brown Mustard” which even Randy, who loves mustard, does not like.
“Yuuuuuckkkkk!” Peyton said. Each of their faces turned about every way one face could turn and their tongues’ came out. It was quit a sight to be seen! Randy and I laughed and Randy asked if he still wanted an ice cream sandwich.
“Yes, but Mom, I don’t want any mustard on mine.” With such a sweet answer I couldn’t help but feel bad for making him taste the mustard, after all, I myself don’t even like mustard!
Thankfully, we did have ice cream sandwiches, no mustard, no mayo, just chocolate and ice cream!

Read 1 Samuel 8:1-22. In these verses the people of Israel are demanding they have a king like the other nations. Samuel went to the Lord and this displeased God because it was not in His will for them. God told Samuel to warn them and tell them what would happen if a king came to rule over them. Samuel did so, warning them in verses 11-18 of various this including the taking of their sons to be horsemen, taking of daughters to serve him, the taking of their fields, flocks, etc.

“Nevertheless, the people refused to listen to the voice of Samuel, and they said, No! We will have a king over us” vs. 19
The people had their sights set on one thing and one thing only - a king. They didn’t take into consideration all the bad things that they were warned would come along with having one. They knew they wanted a king and a king is what they would have no matter the cost. They weren’t concerned with God’s will, they were focused on themselves and what they wanted. God warned the people of what having a king would do to them but they insisted so look at verse 22:

“And the Lord said to Samuel, Hearken to their voice and appoint them a king.”
Self-centeredness is what drove them and interestingly enough that’s exactly what they got - a self-centered king named Saul, I don’t think that was a coincidence on God’s part!
If you’re wondering what came of this, read on and you will find out that they got their king and all that went along with it! Skip ahead and look at this verse for a glimpse of just how bad this had turned out for them:

“Saul said, I have sinned; yet honor me now, I pray you, before the elders of my people and before Israel, and return with me, that I may worship the Lord your God.” 1 Samuel 15:30
Here Saul is repenting to the Lord but still is concerned about how he will look to others. He asks God to honor him before the elders and before Israel. This is not true heart-felt repentance, this is more of a petition to look better among the people. When even before God Saul is self-centered, do you think when acting as king over the people he had their best interest in mind or his own? I hope your noticing the pattern of self-centeredness.

Peyton heard ice cream and wanted ice cream no matter what came with it, good or bad. How often do we see something someone else has and think “I want that! It looks good!” then pray to God to give it to us?! Just because that thing works for someone else does not mean it will work for us or that we ourselves are even capable of handling it. This is true in many circumstances whether it be someone’s ability to preach or a friend’s new house. We need to be on our guard against wanting what others have. When we pray to God to deliver these things into our lives we are setting ourselves up for failure. By focusing on what others around you have, you are focusing on what you want, not what God has for you. Pray for God’s will to be done in your life and for Him to show you the way in which you should go. When you’re in His will, far greater things are in store for you than anything you could imagine for yourself!

A Raging River and a Train

    It was a beautiful day outside, the sun was shining and the skies were blue and it was even warm when you opened the door! After Randy left for work he called and told me I should take the kids for a walk to see the river. He said it was going fast and there were giant ice chunks going down, something Peyton would love to see. That afternoon we got our shoes and sweatshirts on and outside we went. The kids were so excited to be going out after a very long winter cooped up in the house. I put Jayden in her stroller and realized that this year Peyton was big enough to walk along side me. Where has time gone?! This was a first for him and I, so, we had to talk about what was to come, since we would be walking along the road. I explained the dangers, that he needed to hold my hand, listen me, etc. 

    Away we went. Being the first warm day all the snow had been melting quickly and there was water rushing everywhere. Starting off we walked along side a ditch that was filled with water. Then it disappeared under the road so we stopped at the other side to see where it came out. We could also see the stream at the bottom of the hill that the water ran into. We went on walking and stopped again to look at how the stream came down through the forest and at how fast the water was moving. Peyton asked if there were “fishies” in the water and I told him how the are hiding under the rocks. We continued down the hill and like any 4 year old curious boy would do, he went through a thousand questions! Some I answered, some I didn’t. One I didn’t answer was “Mommy what is that?!!! Does is have fur?” as we passed a dead cat along side the road. Given that he dearly loves his kitty, I figured it was best left unknown. “Just an animal that got hit by a car” I told him and pulled him along before he could get a close look. “Wasn’t he holding him Mommy or Daddy’s hand when he was on the road?” he asked. “He must not have been” I replied.


    We continued until we reached the bottom of our hill. Down the road beside us there was a place where the stream we had been looking at went underneath a small bridge. I decided we’d go take a look. We walked to the side of the bridge and watched the water rushing through the rocks, up into the trees and under the bridge. Peyton wanted to throw in some rocks which I thought was a good idea until he did it. To throw his rock he took a step forward and lunged which nearly gave me a heart attack. After that, I double checked Jayden’s stroller belt, then held onto the stroller and Peyton’s shirt for dear life! They threw a few more rocks, as many more as their mother could nervously handle, which turned out to be about 3 each!


    Again we continued down to the big river. My conversation with my 4 year old continued to amaze me. He knows so much and remembers everything. As we went along he was reminding me of things we did last summer on our walks, pointing out the bike trail and telling me all about the time he rode his bike on it with us. A car went flying past us entirely too fast and he said “Mommy are there police around here? That car was speeding, they should catch him and put him in jail”.


    When we got to the river there were two people standing on the bridge looking into the water. When they walked away Peyton asked me why they weren’t holding hands! We stopped before the bridge and watched the raging water. Ice chunks, tree branches, among other things were flying down with the water. It was an awesome learning experience for the kids and they were fascinated. In the distance we saw a train going by and Peyton asked if we could go to the tracks. This meant crossing the river, something I did not want to do. We went over a few more instructions about going over the bridge, which I think were more for myself than the kids! I checked the stroller belt again, got a good hold on Peyton’s hand, and across the open grate bridge we went. Of course all the way across Peyton was pointing out the water below us, along with the ice chunks, the trees, and on and on and on.


    Eventually we made it to the train bridge. I told the kids we would have to wait a little while if we wanted to see the train so we found a spot to sit down. We waited for about 20 minutes and no train came. We were just starting to walk away and I could hear it off in the distance so we went back to our spot and waited a little longer. Sure enough the trained turned the corner! “TRAIIINNNNN” Peyton was so excited! The engineer honked the horn and waved to us and the train went right underneath us! The kids were so happy to be watching the train drive right under them and I was happy they were able to finally see it.


    As we started back home, the excitement of seeing the train had overtaken Peyton. He was forgetting what we had talked about. He was forgetting to hold my hand and kept trying to run ahead of me. We had to stop and I went back over the rules again said to him “Peyton if you’re not going to listen I will give you a time out beside this telephone pole”. “But Mommy you will leave me here all by myself…” he instantly got upset thinking I meant that I would let him standing there alone. I reassured him that I would not leave him alone but that he must listen to me. He listened after that and as we walked along I told him what a good job he did and what a big boy he was. Again we crossed the river after checking straps and tightening grips! Then began the uphill climb to our home. We stopped twice for a drink of water and a brief rest and then continued along. Almost to the top Peyton started wearing out. I reminded him of Callie and Buster waiting on our porch and turned his focus to looking for them. We made it back home and sure enough, Buster and Callie were waiting on the porch for us. As soon as they saw we made it back they started barking and jumping! I was so proud of my little guy. We had a wonderful first day out!


    As I was thinking about everything that happened that day God had opened my eyes to how significant that walk with my kids actually was. There are so many lessons to be learned from it. The walk the kids took with me is directly related to our walk with our Father.


    He gives us complete direction as we go out into the unknown. He doesn’t expect us to just know what to do but simply requires us to listen to His direction. The beginning of our walk with Him is usually easier, as when walking downhill. It’s more about if we are going to hold his hand and learn. We will make a few “stops” where He will teach us what we need to know. Some stops (like ours at the top of the hill looking down at the stream) may be to simply learn how life works in general , other stops (like the one at the small stream) may be to prepare us for what lies ahead. As we walk He holds our hand, checks our straps, and keeps us safe from harm. He is there to have a conversation and He is there to answer our questions. Some questions He will give a clear answer to but others (like the cat) He doesn’t answer, not because He doesn’t love us, but because He knows what is best for us.


    I think of the raging waters we saw as the things of this world and the sin that fills it. Just as the kids and I stood above it, watching it, we can stand above this world with our Father. I think of the massive chunks of ice and the huge branches - that water was strong enough to carry them away forever, far away from where they came from. The people standing on the bridge, right above the water, leaning over to look because they were curious, who were not holding hands, were they safe? Maybe, but in my 4 year old eyes, which is how I’m looking at this, absolutely not. How many people do you know in your life who are standing right on the edge of sin, feeding their curiosity, not holding their Fathers hand? Are they at risk of falling in? Yes.


    There will be times in our lives when we need to step out of our comfort zone and pass through the world in order to reach another point (just as we had to pass over the bridge). Do we have a hand to hold? When we were on this bridge, Peyton initially held my hand but I was holding him so tightly that as long as he walked beside me there was no way I was letting go. If only you will obey and walk beside God, He will hold you. Remember what Peyton did though, looking below talking about what was beneath us? God wants you to keep your focus on what lies ahead, not on the things rushing around you.


    The train. Are you being patient enough to wait for the abundance God has for you? God has blessings prepared for you, He has called you to greatness, if you listen and obey on your walk, He will pour out His blessings upon you. Don’t compare yourself to others around you, for some the train may come the moment they step on the bridge. Others, may just miss it. Some may have to wait a period of time. If that train would have came just as we walked up, the conductor may not have seen us. Since we patiently waited for it, the conductor saw us, he honked and he waved. Imagine how special that would make a 4 year old little boy feel! If you will just sit tight, be patient, wait for what God has for you, you may even get a little extra! God is more than happy to give us these moments in our lives (just as I was happy the kids got to see the train) if only we will wait on His timing.


    God will NEVER leave you alone. Peyton thought for sure that just because he would be in a time-out that meant I would leave him by himself. Anyone would know how ridiculous of a thought that is, understandable in his eyes, but as a parent, crazy. I would never, never leave him behind. Your Father in Heaven will NEVER, NEVER leave you alone. Understand that.


    On our journey to our home in Heaven we will encounter all these things, some more than once. Life itself is an uphill battle. When we walk with our Father and allow Him to, He will guide us, protect us and teach us. When you start to feel weary just think of Jesus waiting at the door of Heaven, I don’t imagine he will bark, but I do think he will have his arms wide open, ready to welcome you in!

A Valentine's Day Challenge

    At Valentine’s Day you find “love” almost everywhere. Everything is decorated up with hearts, couples are planning romantic dates, ads for jewelry stores are on television telling you to “show her how much you care…”, you can pick up a rose and chocolates at just about any store, and children are exchanging valentines. But is any of this really celebrating what God intended as love? Can one show true love simply with a dozen roses, a box of chocolates, and a candle-light dinner? While these may be loving gestures, showing someone true love, the love God intends for us to have, isn’t something we can purchase in a store. It was already purchased for us by God. It was bought with the price of His only son being nailed to a cross to die for our sins. That makes a box of chocolates seem fairly insignificant doesn’t it?

    In order to give real love we need to understand what love is. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 tells us in detail what this kind of love is.


“Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. It is not conceited (arrogant inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it. It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstance, and it endures everything without weakening. Love never fails.”
The only way you can love someone is to love them in the way these verses tell us.

    You must be patient! The dictionary definition: enduring delay, annoyance, etc., without complaining. The “without complaining” one really gets me here. How often do we complain while we’re waiting on something to come to pass? Complaining while we’re waiting is not being patient.

    You also have to show kindness. We can do this in many ways. Acts of kindness such as: helping someone in need, listening to someone who is hurting, etc. Being kind in the way we speak to the person and the words in which we choose to use. Also, by considering how the other person feels.

    Are you being unselfish, putting their needs and wants above your own? If you look at the other acts of love, they all require unselfishness. Kindness, forgiveness, patience, etc.
You must forgive and keep no record of wrongs. Drop your expectations of that person, don’t set a standard that they must live up to and then turn it against them when they fall short. Many of do this unconsciously, we have it in our heads how we feel we should be treated and what we think others should do. When others don’t live up to our expectations, we then get angry or upset. This is not love! Make a conscience decision to drop your expectations. If someone hurts you, forgive them and let it go. I am aware how hard this can be at times but I also know that forgiveness is crucial in our love walk. Pray about it, ask for help if you need to and God will help you through it.

    Love bears up under anything and everything that comes. This means that if you and your loved one are going through some tough times in your lives or in your relationship that you don’t run. You don’t get to walk away, you don’t get to build walls around your heart, you don’t get to complain, etc. The definition of bear up is to face hardship bravely. So when hardships come, in which they will, you face them, you work it out and you get through.

    Love believes the best in every person. How hard is that one? Pretty self explanatory as well. Love keeps on hoping for the best in every circumstance. Love endures without weakening.

    Lastly , love never fails! If you are walking and acting in true Godly love, it will never fail!


    Read the verse over a few times and think about your Valentine or loved one. Are you showing them real love? Love is something that we have to choose to act out. It won’t always be easy but it will be rewarding. This Valentine’s Day, redefine your definition of love. Challenge yourself to show love the way God intended for it to be. 

Emptying The Ashes

    We heat our home with coal. In order to keep the heat going, one has to tend to the fire throughout the day by putting coal in and taking ashes out to regulate the heat. It’s an ongoing process but well worth the warmth and coziness heating with coal brings.
    I was never very good at keeping the fire going through out the day, so this winter I had a goal. I was determined to figure out what I was doing wrong and have a warm home when my husband got home. This didn’t start out too well. A few weeks into the cold weather and I was frustrated. The fire wouldn’t go out completely but it was always chilly until Randy got home. I told him that I did everything he told me to do, checked it, shook the ashes, added coal, and nothing was happening. It seemed impossible to me that although I had done everything right that it always turned out to be only a few burning embers.
    Finally, one day Randy realized I was missing an important step - taking out the ashes. The coal burns on top, you shake the ashes and they fall below, but if too many ashes build up then the fire doesn’t get any air and is unable to stay burning. The ashes were suffocating the fire. Although I was doing everything else right, there was no way the coal could keep burning fast enough to keep the house warm.
    Since then I have been doing just fine keeping our home warm. Emptying the ashes is my least favorite part of fixing the fire. If the wind is blowing a certain way, the ashes come right back in your face. You also have to wear gloves to protect yourself from getting burnt and dirty. The whole process led me to a thought…
    Are we emptying the ashes from our lives? Are you doing everything right and still feeling stuck? Still feeling like you aren’t moving forward? Although you are tending to your fire regularly (reading God’s Word) and adding the coal (God’s Truth), the most important thing to keep your fire blazing is air (God’s blessing upon you). We need to regularly empty the ashes out of our lives in order to maintain His blessings. Everyone’s ashes are different, your ashes may contain jealousy, bitterness, unforgiveness, anger, anxiety, lust, gossip, insecurity, idolatry, or something different. Emptying our personal ashes will not always be easy or likeable. The reason we usually miss this step is because it’s something we don’t desire to do. It’s easier to leave our ashes alone and hope for the best. Unfortunately the best doesn’t come without some hard work and much effort. Search yourself and ask God to open your eyes to any ashes you may be carrying that are holding you back from all the blessings He has for you.

Take time to read Joshua 7:1-13.

“You can not stand before your enemies until you take away from among you the things devoted to destruction.” Joshua 7:13

Playtime and Quarrels

    The kids are getting to the age now that they play together frequently. Jayden is now 2 and she’s more able to play pretend with her big brother. They build forts out of blankets and toys, they go “hunting”, they play dolls, the number of things they’re able to do together increases each day. Jayden is more interested in what her big brother is doing and Peyton has gained enough patience to teach her and guide her when they play. It’s so neat to sit back and watch them interact.
    Yesterday, they were on one of their hunting adventures. They set up chairs in the living room, Peyton got each of them a nerf gun and they hid behind the chairs waiting for deer. Jayden sat there with her baby doll on her lap, tiny purse over her arm, princess sunglasses, with Peyton helping her aim her gun through the chair at a big buck! Peyton informed me that on this hunting trip Jayden got two big bucks.
    Sometimes things don’t always go as he has planned. That evening when I was cooking dinner, Peyton came running to me distraught and frustrated. He told me he was an alligator and Jayden had caught him. He cleared off his play table and gave her a knife (a pretend knife from his play kitchen) but she kept throwing the knife at him and wouldn’t cut him up! Then he asked “Mommy when you’re done will you come catch me in your boat, take me home and cut me up?!“ This moment was priceless!
    Quite often though these playtime moments wind up in a quarrel. Peyton needs order and likes things to go just as he plans. Jayden is my walking tornado so one can easily see how this doesn’t always work out. Usually Peyton is trying to do something and she interrupts by wrecking it or tackling him. For example: Peyton has been into puzzles lately, it amazes me how patient he is and how well he can figure them out. Jayden prefers to sit on the table and throw the pieces. The more angry Peyton gets, the more satisfied with herself she is!
    When I have to intervene they are both up in arms. Jayden will try to run and Peyton tries to explain everything that I already saw and know happened. Even though I’m there to help, he still tries to fix it himself, offering his opinions on what I should do. I often have to tell him over again that he needs to be quiet and listen to me. I explain to each of them their actions and what needs to change and that they need to be nice, etc. We’ve also been trying to teach Peyton that when he’s playing with other kids, if they aren’t being nice or playing fair, he needs to come get Mom or Dad. He needs to know that it is best to let Mom or Dad figure things out and come up with a solution.
    When children play they will have quarrels, it’s completely natural. While this is true, they also are not knowledgeable or experienced enough to be able to handle them on their own. They need someone to guide them in their actions. Someone who can show them their faults and then show them the right way to be.

“The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.” Exodus 14:14
Are you letting your Father fight your battles for you? Are you trying to fight them yourself? Are you running to him but voicing your opinions on what you think is best? How are you handling your “battles”?

Run to your Father, then be still and silent. Keep your eyes on Him and He will fight for you.

Enjoying vs. Tolerating

    One of Jayden’s most recent favorite things to do is to style Daddy’s hair. She gathers up all her bows and clips and goes straight to Daddy. He fixes her hair and he lets her fix his. She has the cutest giggle when she looks at Daddy with pigtails and pink bows! As silly as it is, it’s a special time they share that has given us some of the sweetest memories.
    Jayden decided it would be a fun idea to do this to our cat, Meeka, one day. She got her headbands, put some in her hair then sat one, complete with a bow on top, on the cat. Most normal cats would run…ours did not. He just put his ears back and let her do what she pleased. Then Peyton got in on the fun! They got brushes and bows and Meeka ended up with a bow in each ear, now being held against his will! He tried to escape but it wasn’t very long before he gave up and the fun continued (for the kids). I snapped a few pictures, took off his bows, and let him out of Peyton’s grasp!
    After seeing some pictures a friend of mine said “Randy enjoyed it but it looks like the cat was just tolerating it!”. This thought made me laugh but it stuck with me. I began to wonder what things in my life was I enjoying and what was I tolerating? To enjoy means to take pleasure in; to tolerate means to put up with. Clearly two different things. Our kids, our jobs, trials we face, times of celebration and times of sadness. Every situation we find ourselves in brings us to a choice. A decision that we’re going to enjoy it - learn everything we can, capture the moment, laugh, cry, LIVE in the moment. Or else a decision that we’re simply going to tolerate it - put up with it, wait for the moment to pass, put up walls, cower in fear.
    I think of times when my kids are trying every ounce of my patience whether it’s with tears, whining, tantrums etc. One thing I try to do in those moments is this - step back and know that one day, when the kids are grown, I will greatly miss all of these moments, good and bad, giggles and fits so right now I need to not take them for granted. This trick doesn’t always work, because sometimes I think to myself “No…I will not miss this!”, but most of the time it does and I realize they’re simply babies growing, learning how they feel, clueless to how to navigate through life, needing guidance and love.
    I also think of trials we face, no matter of what sort. One thing I have learned is this - every trial brings an opportunity to help us grow IF we allow it to.
   There are just too many things to be mentioned but I hope you think about this. I know it’s changed my perspective and I pray it does yours. I will leave you with these synonyms:

Enjoying: adore, appreciate, be entertained, be pleased, delight in, get a kick out of, go, have a ball, have a good time, have fun, like, live a little, live it up, love, rejoice in, relish, savor, take joy in

Tolerate: accept, bear with, blink at, go along with, live with, permit, put up with, sit and take it, sit still for, string along, submit to

Are you enjoying the things in your life or are you simply tolerating them?

A Lot Like A Time Out

    I fully understand that every family has their own ways of discipline. In our home, when you disobey, you get a time out. Sometimes when they’re in a time out they kick, yell, beg, cry, but we do not give their actions attention. The reason they act out is because they want to be in control, they want to be heard. If I tried to talk them out of a fit or give any attention to their behavior, it would show them that what they are doing is in fact getting my attention and that they do have some control of the situation. I have found that before the time out is over he/she has usually calmed themselves down and is ready to listen and learn to change what got he/she there in the first place. Once we’ve talked about the problem, they apologize, we give hugs and kisses, and move on about our day.
    I have realized that God uses this same form of teaching at times. I feel like He has had me in a personal time out. For some time now God has been moving mountains for me and I have been cooperating (reluctantly at times, but cooperating) but for a few days it seemed like I was asking God where He is and why we stopped moving. The thing was- I noticed this but had no idea why. I had nothing happen to make me sad or angry, not PMSing, no excuses I could muster up...just felt BLAH. 
        “I will give them one heart, and a new spirit I will put within them. I will remove the heart of stone from their flesh and give them a heart of flesh, that they may walk in my statutes and keep my rules and obey them. And they shall be my people, and I will be their God” Ezekiel 11:19-20. God has given us a softened heart of flesh that is able to hear His voice but if we are disobedient for too long our hearts will begin to harden. Spending regular time in His presence will allow Him to soften our hearts and when this occurs we are better able to hear His voice and obey Him. This opened my eyes to the problem I've been unaware that I was having. For a few weeks now I have felt a small (small is important here because sometimes when God moves, it's completely apparent...this time it was more of a small nudge)...a small nudge to change something. I have not been too keen on this idea because, to be honest, it wasn’t convenient for me. Point being - I have been disobeying God. He has been faithful in teaching me and guiding me and much has changed but now He is requiring more, a different way of doing things. I realized that although I've been doing what I thought I should do, HE had asked me to make a change and I wasn't cooperating, so the other “right” things were no longer blessed because I was not following His will for ME. The longer I disobeyed, the more my heart was hardening to His voice and the more I was un-consciencely giving Satan.
     When we disobey, God silences Himself and patiently waits for us to be ready to listen to Him. It is then that we need to silence ourselves before Him and listen for His instruction. If God seems silent, there is a reason, we need to stop kicking, yelling, begging and trying to get His attention and just be silent. Once God opens our eyes to the problem, all He asks is that we ask for His forgiveness. After that, we can move on, learn from our mistakes and live in His favor.

Baby Isaiah

    As I filled in the birthdays on the new years calendar I came to “Baby Isaiah” and I took a moment to thank God for the blessing our unborn baby is to us and for how far the Lord has brought me. In the past when I would see this day a flood of emotions would overwhelm me, like “What does our baby look like?”, “Why was he taken away?”, “If only I could have held him”, and I would throw out question after question to God. I would tell myself He is control and He has a reason for everything but I wasn’t acting it or really believing it. A few years later we had Peyton and some of my fears subsided, until it happened a second time. This brought about even more questions like “how could You put me through this again?”. The pain and grief of a miscarriage is often one that is unspoken. One we think we carry alone, even our husbands haven’t felt the physical aspects of bonding with the baby you’re carrying and then the pain of losing it.
    I found myself questioning Gods intentions because I couldn’t understand why. Some of life storms pass and once through them we can look back and say “I understand God and I thank you because I’m better for it” at times easier than others. I knew in my heart that God does not make mistakes and that our angels have a home far beyond what we could have provided here on earth but I still couldn’t find closure and I still didn’t understand why. Then during a Bible study I was faced with the question “when was your first real heartbreak?” and my first answer was “I think I went through most of my later childhood and teen years with a broken heart of some form.” But I quickly felt I needed a better answer, “my first REAL heartbreak?”…after some time in prayer I answered “My first REAL heartBREAK was when we lost our first baby.” After realizing that small truth about myself I went on and finished the lesson. Toward the end I read a small part that changed everything for me:
“A crushing hurt comes to our heart and the sympathizing, scarred hand of Christ presses the wound; and for just a moment, the pain seems to intensify…but finally the bleeding stops.”
Just the image of His scarred hand over my hurting heart was profound! From that moment on the way I looked at the whole situation changed. I wasn’t alone, God understood my hurt completely, and He began opening my eyes to the blessings I had because of my loss. Isaiah 40:21 says “…not one is missing or lacks anything.” People come and go from this earth every day but not one is missing, whether they are here or not there is a reason for it. Take time to read Job 38, let it sink in your heart how Mighty our God truly is.
    I may never know “why” as long as I’m on this earth but I have found a peace in knowing that God is Sovereign and He IS in control. He is our Comforter, the Mender of broken hearts and if you let Him, He will heal your every hurt.
    As I wrote his birthday down on our calendar, although a part of me will always be sad, I finally am able to see the blessings that have come. Believe it or not there are more than what I could write here. One of the biggest is the fact that I’m a better mother to my babies I have here with me. I honestly see them as gifts from God and I do my very best to not take them for granted. It brought my husband and I closer together and we each gained a much greater respect and love for our Lord. Our babies are sitting with Jesus and He holds them now, how precious that thought is!
    If you’re going through this, don’t run away from God or blame Him. Cling to Him and search for Him and He promises He will be there for you. He will answer you and He will comfort you. I pray for you that you are able to find peace and closure. Be comforted knowing that your precious angel is sitting on God’s lap waiting for you!