This I Am Sure

There was a time when all this that I have wasn’t a sure thing.  Having a husband who loved me and who stayed, who meant what he said when “until death do us part” left his lips.  A husband to build a home and raise a family with.  The five kids I spoke of weren’t a reality but just a time of imagining for this girl who held less than a handful of babies before they placed my firstborn in my arms.  A time when actually seeing those five babies ever as mine was out of my imagination and right into the hands of my Sovereign God.  None of it was a sure thing.

Handwritten letters over the stretched miles, my heart written right down on those papers, stickered and sealed and sent for three long years.  A dress and a dance and a spark of a dream becoming a reality, a real, tangible God answer right there by my side.  Months later came two tests with two lines and the overwhelming shock and fear and anticipation of life changed.  And a life that was expected to grow full term was gone before we could catch our breath.  Right there in the depth of it we found a God who held us when we couldn’t hold him, because His Goodness was and is a sure thing when all that we hope for is unsure.  And I realized that the husband I prayed for was the man whose blue eyes met mine at the end of the aisle with my Daddy by my side.  Because His Graciousness of raising a man who seeks hard after Him is a sure thing when this world tells a different story.  So those other four babies we now dreamed of together were placed right into the hands of a God
Who.
Had.
A.
Plan.

Now I find myself looking at a roll of cardboard charred from the sunlight through a magnifying glass, a pile of snow clothes thrown through out a room I want all to much to just stay clean, a boy duck taping his sister which quickly turns from fun to tears, a baby boy discovering his ability to destroy all his mama’s hard work and fingerprints in leftover strawberry jam.  And there’s clothes and coats and shoes and projects and kisses and hugs and needs and wants and not enough me to go around or to keep up.  That girl who dreamed of this all those years ago didn’t ask for or dream of any of what it really meant.  Yet it was given and it is loved and it is wanted and I.  Am.  Blessed.  And in the background of this messy, beautiful, ordinary life I hear it play to music the words that my heart sings each and every moment:

“Christ is enough for me.”  

He is enough.  For every moment of it being too much and not enough.  For every prayer that has passed my expectations and every one that’s answer came with a stinging pain.  He is enough for every time my heart has broken and He is enough for every time my heart is healed and made whole.

He has been enough through the five I asked.  Enough for the two that my womb was blessed to carry and my heart filled to love.  Enough for the ache of my empty arms and my emptied self.  He has been enough for the three that bring this weary mama to the foot of the cross begging for wisdom to raise them up in Him. He is enough to know that there is a season for all the joys and sorrows of parenting, that there is strength to raise and strength to let go.

He is enough to keep my hand planted firmly within the rough hands of a man whose love is tried and proven.  Enough when the fairy tale failed us, enough when it all fell through, enough when we failed one another.  He is enough when we fall so disturbingly short.  For every moment we want to build a wall, his love is enough to keep the bricks on the ground.  Grounded in Him so this love of ours can grow up rooted and founded in Him.  For every time heart ache pierces right through, His forgiveness is enough to extend our arms tight around the other and pull us in close.

He is enough when my whole world is shifted and when the road ahead is uncertain.  He makes a way because He knows The Way.  When the time for change comes and the time of second chances is given, He says “follow me” and it is in Him I trust because He has been faithful every time before.

Christ is enough for me.  He bled for my sins, and although I feel so unworthy, one drop was enough.  He came for my heart, and although it’s scarred and emptied and poured out, He is enough to fill it and make it whole.  He came for my life, and when I mess up and get it all wrong, He is enough to make my life new.  

And all this that I have is a sure thing, because Christ is what I’m sure of.  I’m sure of His Goodness, His Sovereignty and His Unending Love.  I’m sure of His Grace, His Mercy and His Healing. I am sure that He renews, restores, redeems and sets free.    I am sure that I am His and He is Mine.  And I am sure that His plan for me is good when I know and feel it and also when I don’t.

Christ is enough because Christ covered it all.  We can be sure.

“People with their minds set on you, you keep completely whole, steady on their feet, because they keep at it and don’t quit.  Depend on God and keep at it because in the LORD God you have a sure thing.”  Isaiah 26:3-4 MSG

“Imagine the breathtaking recovery life makes, sovereign life, in those who grasp with both hands this wildly extravagant life-gift, this grand setting-everything-right, that the one man Jesus Christ provides.”  Romans 5:17 MSG

Three Words: It's Your Fault

“It’s YOUR fault.”

I watched from a distance as my two children wrestled on the couch.  It was a fun, sibling match full of giggles and grins.  Until Jayden began to fall, her face and Peyton’s foot colliding.  She burst out in tears and immediately Peyton turned and shouted “It’s YOUR fault.”

Three words that have the power to penetrate through the depths of our hearts.  

I called my son over to me and he hurried to explain to me that he hadn’t hurt his sister.  He was quick to dismiss all responsibility in the matter and even quicker to pass it on.  But neither of them were at fault.  As she sat there, hurt and crying, he had the opportunity to comfort her.  Instead he chose to make her feel guilty.

The passing on of guilt and shame.  When one broken heart is left unhealed by a Savior, it continues the pattern.  Breaking one heart after another.

“Amnon became frustrated to the point of illness on account of his sister Tamar, for she was a virgin and it seemed impossible for him to do anything to her.”  2 Samuel 13:2 NIV

Amnon was around 22 and Tamar, 15.  At that time, the daughters were kept in strict seclusion and this frustrated Amnon.  His problem was lust.  The same problem that caused his father to devise a plan to sleep with Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11).  Amnon made himself sick, lay in bed and requested Tamar to cook for him.   Verses 6-14 tell us how the story that tragically ends.

“But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger that she, he raped her.”  2 Samuel 13:14

Read on to what it says next.

“Them Amnon hated her exceedingly (he blamed her for what he had done)…” vs. 15 (The Expositors Study Bible)

None of us would blame this innocent girl who was simply caring for her brother.  But I wonder what her heart went through after leaving with the door being “bolted after her.” (vs. 18)  What disgrace did she allow in?  What shame did she carry?

What disgrace have you allowed in?
What shame have you carried?

“Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the ornamented robe she was wearing.  She put her hand on her head and went away, weeping aloud as she went…And Tamar lived…a desolate woman.”  vs. 19,20

She carried so much shame, embarrassment and grief that she became desolate.

Desolate: empty, joyless, without hope, abandoned, depressed, devastated place

For you feeling like you are broken and used.
For you who weep aloud.
For you Tamar’s who carry burdens of shame, disgrace, embarrassment and grief.  
For you empty, joyless, without hope.  Feeling abandoned, depressed and whose hearts are devastated.

“(You) will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; (you) will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations…Instead of (your) shame my people will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace (you) will rejoice in your inheritance…and everlasting joy will be (yours).”  Isaiah 61:4,7

He has come to remove our ashes - those reminders that mark us as used, abused, unworthy, unloved - and in place give us beauty (Isaiah 61:3).  

He has come to take our hearts, tossed by the storms of life and left wounded, uncomforted, and rebuild us in beauty, splendor and with preciousness (Isaiah 54:11).  

Know today that it is not your fault.
You are not guilty.  
Chose today to turn your ashes over to His Healing touch.  Allow His nail-scarred hand to press into your wound and bring Healing that only He can.  No longer carry the bags of regret and shame, choose to break the pattern.   Because those three words have penetrated our hearts, some way and some how, but His Truth tells a different story - His Truth tells us we are redeemed and we are free.

Staying In the Rain

It was a beautiful evening.  The air was warm and the skies were blue.  I was on my porch swing, swinging my baby to sleep and the older kids were playing in the yard.  A sudden rain began to fall - large drops, falling fast, hitting hard.

My son dropped all he was holding on to and lifted his face upward.  He stood there, motionless, taking in the rain.  Feeling the drops hit his face, soaking him through.  His sister followed suit.  She lifted her face upward and began to laugh.  Together, they opened their mouths wide and spread out their arms.  Never taking their eyes off the sky.

If only I could be more like them.  To drop what I hold so tightly when the rain hits and lift up my face to the One Who Sees.  To reach my arms out wide and receive the cup being given.  To laugh in the eye of life’s storms, knowing that I serve a God Who is my Refuge, my Shelter and Who is my Ever-Present Help in time of trouble.  To rejoice and give thanks even then.  And if instead of choosing to run away, seeking comfort on unsettled ground - if I could choose to stay.  Stay firmly looking to my God Who Sustains me through it all.

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear…”  Psalm 46:1-2

“In season of suffering, we may question God’s intentions.  But sometimes His plans for deliverance are greater than our desire for relief.”  

- Palmer Chinchen

Simple Miracles

One foot following the other pulling the heavy heart out of hiding.

Every single breathe of grace and mercies anew for each moment of falling. 

Hands unfolding, palms turned upward and empty choosing surrender.  Again.

One thousand choices choosing Him, choosing His best, choosing to say yes.  

And that somehow after it all we find our foundation and begin to find our footing.


Moments that linger all the more longer and seem anything but momentary.  When the miracle isn’t found in the grand gesture but when it is found in the simplicity of the unexpected.  The miracles that are found in the bringing low of ourselves to stay humble, to forgive, to love.

To put one foot in front of the other even when it hurts.

To simply breathe in His grace that is freely given when our chests are heavy with the weight of it all.  

To unclench our fists and to give it to Him, trusting Him once again. 

To choose Him each and every aching time.  

To let ourselves fall knowing that it is only on our Foundation that we can surely stand.  

And there was once this girl, this young, simple girl who He called upon.  Who humbled herself to set aside her own self to bring the Christ child into a hurting and broken world.

Isn’t it what He asks of all of us - to set aside our selves to bear the light of Christ?

“And Mary said…Let it be with me just as you say.”  Luke 1:38 MSG

A simple young girl.  A simple young man.  A simple stable.  A simple babe wrapped in swaddling clothes.  Miracles in the most unexpected of places.  Hope right there in the obedience of two souls choosing His will.

One foot in front of the other all the way to Bethlehem.  Something only done by the grace and mercy of a Heavenly Father who knew the Answer.  All starting with hearts willing to receive His will.  One thousand choices choosing Him, choosing His best, choosing to say yes.  Even when it seemed impossible, even when it seems foolish to believe.

A thousand simple miracles bringing hope to a hurting and broken world.

Seeking An Answer

With Heart Stitches we have came across several families suffering from a miscarriage who feel the need to have answers to their grief.  The losses they have felt seep with bitterness and seek for something to bring a temporary healing.  These losses aren’t always in dealing with miscarriage but can also be found in the loss of other loved ones, careers, moving homes, friendships and other life changes.  The search for an answer provides a distraction from fully feeling the weight of grieving their loss.  I recently heard a quote that said “we must be outside out comfort zone in order to find the Comforter.”  Feeling that weight, that pressing hurt would take us there - to the outside, to the place we surrender to the only One Who can Comfort our pain.  But are we able to go there, to take those painful steps outside, one by one, or do we stay seeking what is temporary?

What about the times miracles occur in our lives?  Do we go searching for an answer to those?  Most often we don’t.  Not because we wouldn’t like to know the secret ways of our Great God but because we know we can’t.  In those miracle moments we know He is far too Sovereign, far too God, for us to begin to grasp the makings of His miracles.

How He breathed life into lungs who seemed to be no more.  
How He led the doctors to the source of the pain.  
How He placed life in the womb that could not bear. 
How He brought the lost to Himself.
How He provided when we had none.

Those God-sized miracles we don’t search for answers to, we simply stand back in reverent awe and credit the One who is due.  And we give thanks.

Life-Giver.
Healer.
Creator.
Deliverer.
Provider. 

So is it an answer we seek or is it He who we seek?  Because if it’s an answer, it’s temporary.  But if it is I Am, it is eternal, true and powerful.  God does not bring suffering upon us - that was due to the fall (Genesis 3:1-24) but every single Word of His is True.  If we choose to place our hearts, surrender our hurt, our grief, in His Truth it is there we will find the comfort and peace we desire.

When we find ourselves able to take those steps outside, turning to Him and not away, He doesn’t give us an answer, He gives us Himself.  He is not above weeping with us for the time it takes our aching wounds to heal.  He comes close and He comforts us.  He understands your pain and He aches for your inability to understand any purpose behind that pain just as a parent would for their young child.

He promises to make all things work for good. (Rom. 8:28)
He promises that hope will be brought out of our suffering. (Rom. 5:4)
He promises that His love for us in unfailing and never-changing.  (Ex. 15:13)
He promises to bring comfort to all who mourn. (Is. 61:3)
He promises to turn to those who call on Him. (1 Chron. 16:10-11)
His love and faithfulness conquered death.  (Luke 24:5-6)

Choose to seek Him.

HE is your answer.

My Dearest Isaiah,

I often wonder who you would be today.  But I have to remind myself who you are.

I wonder if you’d be like your brother, bounding with energy and limitless curiosity and imagination.  But you get to run free, free of limitations and restraints.  You don’t have to imagine because you see it all - more than we can imagine as we’re restricted to this world.

I wonder how different life would be different with you, how much our lives would be changed if you had arrived - healthy, bloody, crying and quivering - full term.  But your “due date” was figured by our earth-bound expectation.  You age is not counted by years flipping past on a calendar.  You were not full to term but your life was full of love.  Immense love.

I wonder if you would have a wide smile and silly disposition that would make our days brighter.  But you have brightened hundreds of souls, brought them hope in the story of you.   God has used your brief life to continue His work.

I wonder if you would have the same dirty hands your brother and dad have - boy hands, hands that don’t scrub clean.  But yours are the hands and feet of Jesus in our world, continuing to spread the message of the hope and healing we find only through Him.  I see you written on the hearts of those lives your story, your momentary existence has touched.

I wonder what it would had been like to have met you.  But I one day will and no midwife, no nurse will hand you to me.  Instead, when I am called Home, there you will be.

I wonder who you would be but I know who you are.

You are the first life that ever planted in my womb to be grown and nourished by my self.

You are the life that forever changed us.

      Your Daddy hugs me longer and holds me tighter because of you.
       
      You have given us hearts that understand, hearts that have broken and hearts
                           that have found a Healer.

You are a gift from God my child.  He chose to bless us with the opportunity to care for you, to fill with love to you and to break for you.  He gave us you.

Your story is the story I tell.  Because you, my dearest Isaiah, mattered to me.

I loved you with everything I had.  I dreamed of you a thousand dreams.

As you have life fully, freely, abundantly with your sibling, we will continue to allow your fraction of a time with us to be used for His glory and His good.

I often wonder who you would be today.  But I know, I know who you are.

Love, 
Mama

If Only I Had Known

written Spring 2013

There has been many times in my life the work of God has left me in awe but this has to be one of the most profound times He has done so.  As some of you may know, this Friday we celebrate the life of Isaiah, our first baby who we lost early in my pregnancy.  Last year around this same time, I sat here at my computer and typed these words:

“For years this day was a painful reminder of the loss of our first baby seven years ago.  It was filled with “what could have been” and a deep sorrow.  But for the past few years God has been shining His light casting out the darkness of these days.  On my birthday calendar I keep our family and friends names with their ages next to them.  Our Isaiah’s is left blank beside his name.  Our baby’s life is not counted by years or a number on the calendar.  His life is measured by the legacy he has left us.  His life is counted by Jesus and is not a life lost but instead one of eternal value.  This year, as I watched the calendar days slowly get closer to the name “Isaiah” I was filled with joy.   God has been laying things on my heart to carry on his work through Isaiah’s life.  He has spent the past seven years healing my broken heart, stitching together the hole losing my first child left.  One by one, the stitches threaded shut my wound and the healing of a Father, who knew all to well my pain, took place.  It’s time to celebrate and move forward, to help others find healing from the One true Healer.  There are no dark clouds on this day - only joy eternal!” 

Little did I know what was about to take place in my life.  One month later, May 2012, we announced Heart Stitches.  In 2012 we sent out a total of 37 Heart Stitch bears to families who have experienced a miscarriage.  Today as I sat down with my papers to update my files I was overwhelmed with a flood of emotions.  This year alone we have already sent out 26 bears.  The amount of bears we have given…63.  Financially it doesn’t make sense.  When we tell you each bear costs an average of $25 to send, we truly mean that.  This is nothing short of the grace and provision of God.

We  have also recently launched our HS Treasure Bracelet to memorialize the lives of the babies whose precious lives never lived outside their mamas womb.  As I wrote down the orders I realized we are already low in stock and will need to make more bracelets right away.  It is an understatement to say that God has grown Heart Stitches greatly over the past few months.

Next, I began checking our messages and found a few of the most touching stories I have ever heard.  One read: “I received my bear this past weekend.  I cannot even begin to tell you the joy it brought to me.  I thought, holding that bear in my arms, that I would be overwhelmed with sadness, but instead, I could not stop smiling.  The bear is the perfect symbol of our precious little life.  It is displayed on a shelf in my living room, and I smile more every time I look at him.  Thank you for this ministry.  Thank you for your kindness.  Thank you for your prayers.”

 In the back of my mind I began thinking of several of the families who have allowed us to journey with them. A friend who we sent our very first bear to is pregnant and due very soon. Another woman dear to our hearts has just lost another unborn child. And a family who just found out they are expecting again and asking for our prayers. There are so many emotions and feelings involved when dealing with something so sacred and deep. I was overwhelmed as all of this seemed to flash before me at once.

Thinking back to 8 years ago when I sat in my driveway begging God to let me keep my baby,  I was young and scared.   I wanted so much to bring our child into the world and care for it the way I dreamed of each day.  I had never prayed as hard as I did that night.  But as the night turned into day, I knew I couldn’t have the life I pleaded for, the child I begged God to let me keep.  I knew the time for me to care for my little one was soon going to be over, that the life I carried inside of me for weeks before was now leaving.  I cherished those last days with him, treasured them in my heart.  It wasn’t until he was “officially” gone that I went numb.  If only I had known.

Knowing what an impact his short life would one day make in this world would not have made losing him any easier.  But I wish I would have known and understood God’s Sovereignty and Love like I do now.  I wish I would have trusted that He would take even the most immeasurable hurt and turn it into something so beautiful.  I wish I would have known that my precious angel’s very short life would long outlast his days.  I wish I knew even more than I had what a blessing God had given me when he chose me to carry Isaiah.  And I wish I would have known the loneliness and splitting silence I felt after losing another baby would one day allow me to understand the hearts of so many.  That fully knowing the profound joy of giving birth to three healthy babies while fully knowing the profound sorrow of losing two others would put me in a place of ministering from a real, honest heart that understands.  If only I had known that God would absolutely use the most tragic of days I’d faced to bring life to another broken heart.  If only I had known.

It may not be understandable to some, but I am honored to be their Mama.  I am humbled each day as I hear of another life touched, comforted and encouraged.   I am in awe how my Great God can truly turn our broken, storm-tossed lives into precious beauty.

“O, afflicted one, storm-tossed, and not comforted, Behold, I will set your stones in antimony, and lay your foundations with sapphires.”  Isaiah 54:11

As I sit here tonight, I don’t know where you are at.  I don’t know your story or what you have suffered or celebrated.  But what I do know is that my God is good.

He is Sovereign.  
He is Able.  
He is Healer.  

He gives beauty for the places that are scorched, charred and beyond recognition.

“To all who mourn, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive of praise instead of despair.  In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his glory.” Isaiah 61:3

I know that it does not matter how broken, bruised or crushed you may be - God is Who He says He is.  

I know that He is the God Who brings life out of all that seems dead.  

If only I had known then.  

When the Dirt is Thrown in Our Face

The four of them played across the yard beside the barn.  Sticks, dirt, one little girl and three adventurous boys.  You could hear her cries come from the distance as she made her way to the farmhouse.  Brown streaked down her face as mud mixed with salty tears.  One of the boys threw dirt in her face.  Every part of her pretty face covered with it.  Her eyes hurt as the tears washed them clean.  His Mama called him in.  He leaned in and kissed her cheek and she grinned.

When it was time to leave those dusty boys piled in the car to tell her good bye.  And as the little one who threw the dirt came near, she reached her arms around his neck and pulled him close for a hug.  She smiled, he smiled and they giggled.  Forgiveness.  The kind from a child that holds no wrongs, that seeks no justice, that chooses to love beyond the mistake.

To have the strength to forgive after the dirt is thrown in our face.

To reach out our arms and love even when the hurt still stings.  

To give back the same undeserved grace that we are given when we fall.  When we fail. 

To know the ones who care for our hearts, unconditionally, purely and profoundly.  

To keep loving when the loving gets hard.  

To chose forgiveness.  Quickly and completely.

The message rings loud and clear.

“Dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline…Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you.”  Colossians 3:12,13 MSG

Expect Christ

Last year I was nearly nine months pregnant when Christmas came around.  I’m usually one for decorating and all the holiday festivities but last year I was more like the Grinch.  My husband and kids did surprise me with a few decorations but that was the absolute extent of my holiday cheer.  This year I set out to make up for it.  I had grand intentions to go all out - turn our home into a winter wonderland with decorations all through, put to use some of my good Pinterest ideas and hand make our gifts, a real tree with ornaments all around - this was going to be the perfectly celebrated Christmas year!

My friend and I kicked off our holiday plans with ornaments for our kids to make.  We bought the bulbs, every color of glitter and set out to “make a memory.”  Then her son thought it would be a good idea to bounce on a giant exercise ball while holding his fragile, glitter filled ornament as it dried.  A few bounces later he lost his balance, his arms flew up and the ornament shattered.  The kids did manage to make several ornaments and we watched as my 11 month old tried to shake them off the drying rack.  In the middle of added stress this realization literally almost brought tears to my eyes:  My tree will be lucky to survive and even if it does it can only be decorated on the top half.

I thought I finally adjusted to the fact that things might not turn out as great as I anticipated but set out to make the best of it.  I excitedly went to the attic and brought down our holiday bins only to find them mostly emptied.  Then I remembered that during that last month of pregnancy I had got rid of most of our decorations.  I am unable to explain this other than no woman acts rationally during her last trimester.   I must confess that every part of me wanted to throw all three kids in the car, go to town and buy a cart full of decorations but this too would be unrational and pregnancy is no longer an excuse!  So I put up the strange deer, the even stranger dog Santa, the nativity and mistletoe.  I stood back and looked at a completely different picture than the one I had been looking forward to.

Then came time to go get our tree. We drove down the mountain to pick and cut down our tree.  Once again I looked forward to a beautiful Christmas memory.  The kids whined most of the car ride and it was far from the peaceful, caroling families you see on the Hallmark movies.  It was far from the picture perfect families you see on Facebook.  There was our girl in her Halloween shirt (her current favorite), a pink fur coat and her Muck boots.  There was our boy who burst out in tears at every too tall, too round tree that we passed by.  Somehow we did find a great deal of laughter and we decided that hunting for our tree at night was a tradition we should stick to because it always proves to be an adventure.  And yes in a moment of completely embracing the perfectly imperfect holiday this has turned into I wrote “Merry Christmas” on our dusty windshield.

A few days later when it was time to decorate the tree I couldn’t find more than one strand of lights.  We used to have more lights than we ever used and after searching I’m wondering if the pregnancy rid of the Christmas lights also.  So our tree is half lit.  I’m going with the idea that if there are lights on the bottom it will only draw more temptation to curious baby hands - I’m telling myself it’s a completely practical idea to only light half the tree.  And I couldn’t reach the top to put up our angel so I sat her aside until my husband came home.

There I sat on my rocker - my living room strewn with empty boxes, cheerios, and fingerprints - looking at my half lit, half decorated Christmas tree wondering what happened to my vision for this holiday.  And to be honest it hasn’t only been my decorations that are leaving me wondering.  It has also been the vision I had for my heart during this season.  I wasn’t expecting my heart to be totally undone.  I wasn’t expecting my life’s biggest, most treasured blessings to be turned over in total surrender.

Oh but they were and they are still.  And as I sat there rocking, praying, waiting, there He was.  Ever so near, ever so present, a glimpse of his light reminding me of the Capable Hands that hold when I let go.  The hands that can and will do a far better work than I could myself.  A light that gleams hope and faith when every step is not by sight but purely by faith.  Faith in the One who holds my heart.  Hope in the God who is Faithful.  Every time.

Because He chose to send a baby boy.   A boy who would one day turn his hands over to be nailed for the weight of all our imperfections.  And that is Perfect Love, Perfect Sacrifice, the perfect One to celebrate.  And I don’t need a mantle of tinsel or a tree that shimmers.  I don’t need a Hallmark movie or a picture perfect for sharing.  I just need a Savior.  I just need Grace.  And He is enough to cover it all.

“They saw the Child with Mary His mother, and they fell down and worshiped Him.  Then opening their treasure bags, they presented to Him gifts.” Matthew 2:11 AMP

Emptied

For the past almost 7 years my arms have been full and my hands occupied during worship on Sunday mornings.   For the past several months I have held and sang over my baby boy.  And when he was able to go to the nursery during our Sunday service, my little girl took the opportunity for some Mama time.  A heart to worship is something I long to pass on to her, I see it clearly within her just as it has always been in me.  Sunday mornings she sings along once she has picked up the song and it totally gets me!  Other mornings she lays her head on my shoulder and simply rests there.  There’s something about her in my arms that brings my heart to praise my God even stronger.  Her life is a miracle known to few.  God’s divine hand has protected her time and time again just as it did for me growing up.

“Saving me, keeping me… Wonderful is my Redeemer praise His Name!”

But this Sunday was different, she was Daddy’s girl.  For the first time in a long time my arms were empty.  So were my hands.  And there I was to worship.  So what was I to bring?

What do I bring to My God when I am emptied of all that I know?  

Of all that I find refuge in and comfort under?

I’ve been here before.
Emptied.
Poured Out.
Rung Dry.
And I’ve brought praise.

But as one familiar song ended, another began that I have never heard before.  It was baptism Sunday in the church basement and there was no projector, there were worship folders.  Paper folders that my girl had tight hold of with no intentions of letting go.

What do I bring to My God when I am emptied of all that I know?

Of even my song and my praise?

As I stood there, the song began to play and I quieted myself to listen.

“Just as I am, without one plea

But that Thy blood was shed for me,

And that Thou bidd’st me come to Thee,

O Lamb of God, I come!  I come!

Just as I am and waiting not

To rid my soul of one dark blot,

To Thee whose blood can cleanse each spot, 

O Lamb of God, I come!  I come!

Just as I am, Thou wilt receive,

Wilt welcome, pardon, cleanse, relieve;

Because Thy promise I believe, 

O Lamb of God, I come!  I come!”

What do I bring to My God when I am emptied?

There, in that hymn He answered me.

I simply come.

Counting My Blessings

Being a new mother of three, the days can take their toll and I was finding myself worn and exhausted as my head hit the pillow at night.  I knew I had so much to be thankful for, but my heart was tired.  Being a home schooling family, I have three souls to look after every moment of almost every day.  There are arguments to break up, lessons to teach, mouths to feed, chores to be done.  And somewhere in the midst of the mess my blessings got overlooked, shadowed by the mundane.

A few weeks ago I had an idea that saved my weary heart from losing the battle.  It’s a simple book - which is why it saved me.  I could not have handled another task added on to my to-do list.  I found a little notebook my aunt gave me when I graduated high school.  I never used it because I was saving it for something special.  Who would of thought it would take almost 10 years to find that something?!  She wrote in it “May this be a reminder to never stop dreaming.”  Those words pierced my heart.  I used to dream big dreams but I forgot how.  Many of my dreams had came true but the rush of life left them in a haze.  So this little notebook became a reflection of blessings.  Each day I take a short amount of time to write a few bullet-points of blessed moments.   Moments I felt God’s love, His faithfulness and Trusting Hand guiding me.

Because of this simple time to reflect, my heart has been overflowing with gratitude and praise at the end of each day.  There are many days when I have little left to give, yet a moment with my little book brings me back to an attitude of praise.  We are blessed beyond measure.  May we never forgot, never overlook and never be too weary to notice.  Moments.  Blessings.  Every day is filled with them if only we tune in our hearts.  Like the chorus sings:

“Count your blessings, name them one by one.  Count your many blessings see what God has done.”

“Praise the Lord, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name.”  

                                                                   Psalm 103:1 NIV

 

“O my soul, bless God, don’t forget a single blessing!”  Psalm 103:2 MSG 

Be Near

As a family gathered around the old, seen-it-all man with it all there written in the lines of his face and hands, began to pray.  His quiet strength is in his crooked grin and constant prayers, taking life in its full all in and breathing it back out in gratitude.  This man is covered in God and when he enters His courts, one can’t help but go along.

And in the middle of it all he grows quiet once again.  He asks two, weighty words to His Father, His Foundation & His Companion…

“Be near.”

And isn’t it just the right thing?  Be near.

When so much is needed, when so much is broken and hurting.
When so much is given and so much received.
When there is thanks to be given and hearts to be heard.
It’s all we can really say.

Be near.

And he was so near.  He is always so near.

He was there in the pile of shoes scattered a room full and piled high.  Every size and every kind, glittering boots of the little girls with dreams and dusty shoes from the ones who have gone before.

 He was there in the brother who turned me right around, eyes straight into mine to say “Happy     Thanksgiving.” 

He was there in the red-faced laughter of a grandma whose heart and love overflows.

He was there in the three babies grins and the sweet way they explored their new world.

He was there in the steaming hot gravy, the turkey piled high.

 And the thing I love most about this Amazing God…  Is that He is near no matter where we are.  

He is near to the one whose home is feeling a bit empty this holiday season.  Whose shoe pile is maybe of only two.  Shoes that only they can fill - a life that He sees.

He is near to the one whose felt the heart ache of a brother lost.  He, too, knows the pain of loss.  He comes close and He comforts.  

He is near to the tear-filled one whose spirit breaks.  And He heals, He makes whole.  

He is near to the one who longs to see a baby of their own.  He hears and He answers.

He is near to the one whose plates and bellies are empty.  He provides and He sustains.  

A life long-lived, lived well and lived full.  A grandfather.  A Father.  A Farmer.  A Husband.  Knowing just what to pray to a God who He knows, a God who He loves.  A God who is so near to him.  Whether he is right there in the middle of the whole lot of us or sitting quiet on a tractor in the field.

And miles across the way, his mama.  Frail and worn, white haired and as sweet as honey.  With a God who is so near.

That’s just the kind of God we serve.   Wherever you are, wherever you’ve been, as you pour out your thankful praise or humble yourself in desperation.  Maybe right now it’s a little or a lot of both.  You can be sure of this:

He is near.

Abba, Father

"The sheep hear his voice, and he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out.”  John 10:3

As I sat in my rocker I heard our mama cat calling for her kitten.  She paced on the arm of the couch as she meowed for him to come out of the corner he was tucked in.  Out from the comfort of the blankets to follow her to the place of her choosing.  It was nighttime and she was taking him to the safe home she made for them underneath our boy’s bed.  It’s where she takes them every night once the house is settled down.  She knows they’re protected there.  Slowly, the yellow and white fur ball made his way out of the blankets.  He looked for his mother as she called out to him from the middle of the floor.  Once he spotted her, he clumsily walked to her, lifted his paws up to her belly and searched for a place to nurse.  She licked his back, reassuring him and loving him.  Then she walked away.  She went to the steps and again the little kitten followed.  I heard her walk half way up the stair case and once again call for her kitten.  He sat at the bottom, looking up at her, unable to climb the stairs himself.  Mother cat came back, gently picked him up and carried him.  Up the stair they went, back the long dark hall to the safety of where they belonged.

“Like newborn babies, long for pure milk of the word, so that by it you may grow…” 1 Peter 2:2

I rocked in my chair and watched this scene unfold.  It was sweet.  Through it God allowed me to recognize how similarly He calls out for us.  Beckons us to come out of the safety of our walls, our fears, our doubts.  Out into the unknown, where we feel vulnerable and unsure of our way.  Yet all along he reassures us as we seek him.  He fills us with His Word, leading us on the right path that He has chosen.  He knows the place He has chosen for us.  It is a place of fullness, of His protection, where He knows we best fit.    He remains right beside us, calling us on.  He doesn’t allow us to stay stuck when our eyes are on Him.  When we are weak, worn and unable, He is strong and He carries us onward.  And although the path He calls us to may be uncomfortable, He will never leave us alone in the dark.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness”  2 Corinthians 12:9

The bond between our mother cat and her kittens is one that never ceases to amaze me.  She knows where they are at every moment of every day.  At times she watches over them from a distance and others she snuggles up beside them.  She tenderly washes them, nourishes them with her milk and seems captivated by their mere existence.   Out of her love and care they are able to have life and grow.  There is no doubt they know her voice, her scent, her very presence.  It’s just a cat and her kittens yet it somehow reflects us and our Father.  A mere glimpse into “the breadth and length and height and depth…of the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge.”  (Ephesians 3:18-19)

Abba, Father.  How deeply He loves us.  

A Beautiful 8 Years

Eight years ago today I put on the big, white “princess” dress my Mom helped me choose and took my Daddy’s strong arm as he led me down the aisle to marry the man I dreamed of for so long.  We met when we were 15 and maintained a friendship by writing letters for the next 3 years.  I was grateful for him to care enough to always write back.  Something about him made my heart feel at ease underneath all those teenage jitters and I told him my dreams.  This was no small task for a young girl whose heart had been hardened by life.  I learned to not trust anyone and I wasn’t sure this thing people called love was anything I would ever find.  I was almost convinced it didn’t exist.  

But that cute boy wrote back every time.  He invited me to drive the distance and come to his families parties.  He asked me to prom.  Twice.  It took two tries but the second time I went.  And from that day on he loved me with every ounce of patience, goodness and all that I didn’t deserve.  

When I fought to find proof of real love, months of unbelief and struggle within my own broken heart 

He gave me a second chance and patiently helped me trust him.

When I finally loosened the grasp on my bleeding heart and let him in

He tenderly cared for me and allowed healing and hope to take place.

When the most joyous occasion turned to the most devastating heartache

He let me lean hard on him and I knew I would never be alone.  

When I felt I failed and told him if he wanted he could go

He pulled me close and he stayed.  

When long hidden wounds seeped ugliness to the surface

He helped me give them a voice.

When we saw God’s goodness and faithfulness time and time again

He celebrated with me.  

God has used this man to help bring healing to my heart and redeem many things I thought would never be mine.  He has used him to show me a tangible glimpse of Himself.  I often write about our three vibrant children or our two heavenly babies and sometimes I write about nature or a friend.  But behind each and every one of those stories is a Godly man who supports what I do, who loves me unconditionally, who pushes me to be a better woman, who leads me closer to God, closer to himself and closer to those I love most and who chose me to share this life with.  

A beautiful 8 years of life together.  

My love,

Thank you for staying.  Thank you for choosing me.  And thank you for allowing God to love me so boldly, so powerfully through yourself.  You’ve taught me so much more than you know.  I am grateful for all the paths we’ve taken, all the tears we’ve shed, all the times we’ve fought, and for the continuous, relentless love we share.   Thank you for taking my hand 8 years ago and each day since.  

Happy Anniversary!

Wherever you find yourself today, choose to trust God one more time.  Trust Him for healing and for goodness.  Choose to love and let yourself be loved.  Because He is faithful, again and again.  

“Love …Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end.  Love never dies.”  1 Corinthians 13:7-8 MSG

A Bad Day

Earlier this week, I had a bad day and let my emotions get to me.  Nothing happened in particularly to cause it, nothing that I could draw an excuse for my poor attitude from.  The kids were not behaving, our house was a wreck, our puppy isn’t doing well with “training”, I couldn’t put a thought together to save myself and I think you get the idea!  I was feeling out of control of my responsibilities, overwhelmed, under appreciated, and mostly - unable.  I became frustrated and angry.

When we clean, I usually turn on the radio - it’s a perfect opportunity for the kids and I to sing, dance and worship God.  I began cleaning so I thought that turning on the music would help turn around my bad attitude.  Guilty is how it left me feeling - unworthy to even hear the singing of praises to my Heavenly Father.  This only added to my frustration.  I turned the radio off.  Not long after, I had to “put myself in a time-out.”  I went to the corner of the couch, where I could be alone so that I didn’t regret speaking out of anger to my kids.  Still nothing changed.  I sent my husband a message, telling him how mad I was (not at him) and all the other feelings that were coming along for the ride.  I thought that if I shared my thoughts with someone that maybe it would help.  It didn’t and I found out later he never even received the message.  I got off the couch, tried again and failed miserably.  I went to my bedroom, got out my “The Power of Speaking God’s Word” book, laid on my bed and turned to the topic of  “Anger.”  I read a dozen verses and nothing.  Still no attitude change.  Again, this added to my frustration.

The day continued on.  That evening, the kids went outside to play and I was finishing cleaning up the house.  I decided to try music one more time.  I turned on a cd of old hymns (I have no idea why I chose this either) and began to scrub the kitchen floor.  The hymns brought back precious memories of my grandma, who has passed away, and my uncle John who sang them when I was a child. As they played, my soul sang along and my mood began to change.

Maybe I got on my hands and knees for one reason - to scrub, but I believe my Father had different intentions.  I believe he knew that on my hands and knees, a place of humility, is where I was most vulnerable.  It was there that I let my emotions go and focused on the praises of my God.  When we focus on Jesus, His light shines forth and darkness must flee.

I don’t like to share that I was so angry and unwilling to put my focus where it needed to be for that day but it’s real.  As parents we’re told to “look at the messes as a reminder that your children are healthy and active.”  Which does hold some truth, I’ve even said it myself.  But, in reality, those messes can easily make us feel like we’re failing.  As Christians we’re told to “combat those negative emotions with Scripture.”  We should do this but, it isn’t always as easy as it sounds.  The key is persistence.

I realize that many people are fighting a battle far greater than a messy house or a bad day.  There’s disease, divorce, uncertainty, loss, despair, and so on.  No matter what you’re facing, keep pressing forward into God even when you aren’t sure He’s listening.  At the right time, God will place you where He wants you and when your focus is on Him - His light will flood the darkness.

“…let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”  Hebrews 12:1

“Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always.”  1 Chronicles 16:11

Change of Scenery

Although I’m only still expecting a new little one, life has changed drastically as if he/she has already arrived.  This pregnancy began much differently than the others with sickness and exhaustion a daily burden to overcome.  Taking care of two toddlers while growing a baby proved void of any rest, quiet time or a break for this Mama.  Thankfully, I have entered the second trimester without the sickness which makes life more bearable.  Exhaustion is still a part of every day but I consider it to be expected with two healthy, active little ones and an ever-changing, growing body.

Before this pregnancy I settled into a nice routine.  I would wake up earlier than my children and spend ample time with God in the peace and quiet this home only finds in the still hours of daybreak.  I had my regular devotions and plenty of time to let my soul soak in His Presence, readying me for the day ahead.  As sickness set in and growing my baby required more energy than my body had to offer, the sacred time of my mornings with God faded out of sight.  I knew God blessed us with this child we prayed for but now what was I to do to find His Presence again for this new journey?  I prayed endlessly to have back my mornings but they never came.  Then I spent a weekend away from home and found the silence I had been seeking.  Knowing it was only temporary I asked God to give me an answer to how I was to seek Him and find Him and be filled by Him.  It was there that he whispered to my longing soul - rest in me and enjoy me throughout each day.  It seemed easy enough but it took weeks for this busy-body to figure out just what He meant by resting in Him.

Carrying a growing baby, caring for two toddlers, beginning to home school my oldest in Kindergarten and keeping up with daily chores are everyday happenings that God’s fingerprints are all over if I am willing to look.  This is where I am to seek Him right now and as I do, I am finding Him more and more.  He is even beginning to open up opportunities for me to do some light devotions and read again.  It looks nothing like it did a few short months ago but it is satisfying me fully because it is exactly where God wants me to be.

Thinking of this change of scenery in my life, I know that no matter how often our lives change or how they look that God always desires and makes a way for us to enter into a relationship with Him.  Adam and Eve being sent away from the garden is what I believe may be the greatest, most drastic change for human kind.  Adam and Eve lived in the beautiful Garden of Eden (Hebrew, meaning “delight”).  Imagine, if even possible, what this life was like for Adam and Eve.

“The Garden of Eden was a stunning acreage.  Picture a lush, verdant botanical garden. Truly a perfect environment, created as a place where God could be with Adam and Eve, a perfect home where every need was met, a paradise to be shared with God forever.”

As explained in “The Heart of the Story” by Randy Frazee

Although a part of a perfect environment, God graciously gave them freedom to choose.  Unfortunately they choose to give into a moment of selfishness and sinned against God by taking fruit from the forbidden tree.  This would become known as “The Fall of Man” which we can find in Genesis 3.

“So the Lord banished him from the Garden of Eden to work the ground from which he had been taken. After he drove the man out, he placed on the east side of the Garden of Eden a cherubim and a flaming sword flashing back and forth to guard the way to the tree of life.”

Genesis 3:23-24

Now imagine the change of scenery and how Adam and Eve must have felt.  But our God is a merciful God who, although things had drastically changed for these humans, still offered Adam and Eve a relationship with Himself.

“…it was a continuation of God’s perfect plan to continue to be able to live in communion with the people he created….God is as passionate as ever in wanting to live with us and is willing to meet us outside of the garden and walk with us through every experience of life.”

“The Heart of the Story” by Randy Frazee

I tell you this to help you realize that our God is not one who requires us to find a perfect plan in seeking Him (the perfect devotionals, the perfect church, etc.) and stay in that place.  God desires for us to change and grow closer to Him as we navigate through the scenery of our lives.  Our scenery can change for many reasons: a new life being born, a life coming to an end, a new career, a new outlook, change of location, change of seasons and the list could go on.  What may have worked in one season in your life may no longer work in another.  But just like Adam and Eve, we are always given the opportunity to seek out our Father who promises that we will find Him.  “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart.“ Jeremiah 29:13  The opportunity for a relationship with our Creator is always available to us no matter what our scenery may look like.

If your scenery and circumstances are changing, be willing to change and grow along with it.  Pray and ask God to show you the direction you should go to seek Him.  It may be entering a time of rest or it may be a time of focused devotion, but it will be unique to you and your situation.  When you seek Him, you will find peace and fulfillment in His glorious riches and abundant blessings!

A Not-so-Simple Simple Answer

I must admit that as the calendar turned to November, a minor panic set in at how quickly the time is coming for us to meet our baby boy.  He is due the beginning of January and we all know how quickly the holiday season passes.  I have a short list of things that need accomplished or purchased before our little one arrives on the scene but it seems as though time is slipping through the hour glass faster than I had planned.  Having two toddlers, home schooling our oldest and the physical limitations on my growing body are working against me as well.  So what is a Mama to do?  The answer seems simple:

Trust in God and rely on His strength.  Right?!

Although that is the right answer for our varying circumstances, I feel it’s safe to say that it isn’t the “simple” answer.  The thought of it may be simple, but living it out and applying it generally doesn’t come easily for any of us.  This is an area where the true level of our faith is revealed.  Faith is defined as confidence, trust, reliance and belief.  Think about each of those words and how you can apply them to your situation.

Am I confident that God’s plan for my life is good?

Do I trust Him to bring forth that plan no matter how the journey getting there may look?

Am I relying on Him for strength and provisions?

Do I believe that God is Who He says He is (Almighty, Compassionate Father, Provider, All-Knowing, Shepherd, Truth, Constant, Good, Perfect Love, Savior, Comforter, Sovereign…)? Do I believe that God can do what He says He can do?

Believing God for this baby He has blessed us with and trusting Him every step of this pregnancy was something I had to be intentional about and has not always been easy.  Purposely confronting my fears with His Truth.   Rejecting any doubt of His plan even if it did not and does not come to pass as I may wish.  Choosing every day to embrace and deeply love the life growing inside my womb.  Choosing to lean on Him for His Strength to get me through each day.  Looking to Him for comfort, rest, patience and grace.

Where does this season of life find you?  What circumstances are swirling around you, beyond anything you are capable of controlling?  How has your faith been revealed?  Read over the definitions of faith and the questions above one more time and apply them to your situation and your heart.    

It may not be easy but placing ourselves and our circumstances in the hands of the only Capable Helper is the best choice we can make.  It is also a choice that takes intention and purposefulness on our behalf to apply and live out.  I can assure you that there is no better answer to your question “What am I to do?” than to trust in God and rely on His Strength.

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.”  Psalm 46:1

“He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.” Isaiah 40:11

“The LORD is the everlasting God…He will not grow tired and weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.  He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.”  Isaiah 40:28-29

“We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him…” Romans 8:28

A Pharaoh of Your Own

After showing a significant amount of reluctance, Moses finally obeys God and takes on the task of speaking face to face with Pharaoh in order to free God’s people (Exodus 3 & 4).  I can’t say what went through Moses mind the first time he walked forward to Pharaoh but I know what I would have been thinking.  “Okay God, you asked me to speak for you and I am about to.  I trust that as I do so, Pharaoh will let the people go.”  I may have had all the faith in the world that it would happen - the first time I asked.

“Pharaoh said, “Who is the Lord, that I should obey him and let Israel go?  I do not know the Lord and I will not let Israel go.”  Exodus 5:3

My heart aches for Moses in this moment!  Mustering up his confidence enough to stand before Pharaoh, uttering the words God told him to say and being denied not once but nine times!  Each and every time Moses demanded “Let my people go!” God hardened Pharaoh’s heart and he refused.  But God had a plan than Moses couldn’t see.

“For the Scripture says to Pharaoh: “I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.”  Therefore God has mercy on whom he wants to have mercy, and he hardens whom he wants to harden.”  Romans 9:17-18

All along God had it under control.  How often I have found myself in a similar situation.  God calls me to say, to do, to be, then I choose to follow but find myself facing another pharaoh in my life.  What if I changed my perspective and began to trust that although my answer doesn’t come in the way I expect, that God does have a plan?  I love what “The Heart of the Story” tell us concerning this:

“Even people who do not follow God are used by God to accomplish his plan - even though they don’t often know it.”

Do you have any pharaoh’s in your life?  It may be a person, a circumstance, or a conflicted situation.  

Going back to Moses, after nine refusals and ten plagues (where God shows himself undeniably powerful) Pharaoh finally let’s God’s people go.  This looks like our happy ending but God isn’t finished yet, He wants to prove Himself even more so (Exodus 14:4).  Not even Moses himself could have prepared for what was about to happen!  As the Israelites traveled, they headed toward the Red Sea.  It was there that they found the Egyptians pursuing them after Pharaoh has changed his mind.  “Pharaoh’s horses and chariots, horsemen and troops” (Exodus 14:9) on one side and the Red Sea on the other.  Impossible odds, right?  Not with the God I serve!  Through Moses, the Lord parted the Red Sea and allowed the Israelites to pass through.  When the Egyptians began crossing the water went back to their place and killed every single one of them! I think of the song I heard so often as a little girl - “What a mighty God we serve!”

“Can you imagine the depth of their joy to be free?  Or their gratitude to God for doing what appeared to be the impossible?  Maybe you have a pharaoh… It may feel like this personal pharaoh is completely in charge of your life, enslaving you to its harsh demands.  Do not lose heart.  Don’t give up, no matter how the odds seem to be stacked against you.  Just remember…it may appear as though Pharaoh is in control, but your plight has not surprised God as he reveals and enacts his (plan) for your life.  He is completely in charge, fully in control.”

-The Heart of the Story

When we choose to align our lives with God, he promises to work it out for the good.  He will provide a way for you to cross through the Red Sea that you face.  God always provides a way even when the odds look impossible to us!

“Be strong and take heart , all you who hope in the Lord.”  Psalm 31:24

A Reminder To Believe

Take a moment to read Luke 1:5-23.

In Zechariah and Elizabeth’s time not being able to have children not only caused unhappiness for the couple but was also an indication of divine disfavor and often brought social reproach.  Scripture tells us in vs. 6 that “both of them were upright in the sight of God.”  I think we can all relate to Zechariah and Elizabeth in some way of being judged wrongly by our friends, neighbors and community.  My heart breaks for this childless couple who not only had to deal with the hardship of coming to terms with never having children but also had to surely deal with the judgments and conclusions of others.

But our great God had a plan for this couple that they could not foresee.  He planned for this couple’s child to come at a specific time when he would prepare a way for Jesus.  In God’s perfect time, he sent an angel to tell Zechariah this good news (vs. 11-17).  “…your prayer has been heard.  Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son…He will be a joy and a delight to you, and many will rejoice because of his birth…he will be filled with the Holy Spirit even from birth…And he will go before the Lord…to make ready a people prepared for the Lord.”  

After so many years of heartache, Zechariah could hardly believe what he was hearing and asks “How can I be sure of this?”  This old man’s heart was wounded deeply by childlessness.  I’m sure as a loving husband his heart ached not only for himself but double-fold and for his wife also.  Years of this heartache had seemingly built up a barrier around his hope that he would ever look at the face of his own child.

Often we can find ourselves in this same situation with various circumstances.  Maybe you have been praying for something for so long that if it were to happen you may ask “are you sure?”  Maybe you have been so used to one way that when a door opens and light fills your darkness you may also ask “are you sure?”  Over time we tend to build protections over our hearts to seemingly avoid the pains of life.  When our blessings arrive or a promise is fulfilled, those walls can often become a form of disbelief.  We are afraid to let the wall fall and believe in what has been given to us or promised.

“The angel answered, “I am Gabriel.  I stand in the presence of God, and I have been sent to speak to you and to tell you this good news.  And now you will be silent and not able to speak until the day this happens, because you did not believe my words…”  Luke 1:19-20

As I read this passage recently I couldn’t help but wonder how that period of silence must have felt for Zachariah.  How every time he went to speak he would have been reminded that God was indeed sure.   Just like Zachariah, a man upright in the sight of God, we are human and there are times our human tendencies mask even the greatest faith we have.   In those times, we need to provide ourselves with a reminder, just as God did for Zachariah by silencing him.  It can be a verse you claim, maybe a token you carry or something else God has laid on your heart.  Whatever it is, put it in place to remind yourself that God is indeed sure of His plan and timing of that plan in your life.  Remind yourself of God’s worthiness for our faith and belief in His chosen path.  Take a stand against the disbelief in your heart and continue to pray for whatever it is you’re believing God for. "Every word I’ve spoken to you will come true on time - God’s time.” Luke 1:20 MSG When the time comes to receive, believe that God is sure, believe that what you have is a sure thing and allow God to pour His blessings into your life!

“The Lord has done this for me,” she said.  “In these days he has shown his favor…” Luke 1:25

“Be still there is a Healer, His love is deeper than the sea.  His mercy is unfailing.  His arms a fortress for the weak.  Be still there is a River that flows from Calvary’s tree,  a fountain for the thirsty.  Your grace that washes over me.  I lift my hands to believe again, You are my Refuge, You are my Strength.  As I pour out my heart these things I remember.  You are faithful God forever.”  - I Lift My Hands by Chris Tomlin

A Representative

I stayed home with the kids as my husband had to represent our family in paying our respects to a passing friend.  As he got dressed and ready to leave, I (being partial since he is my husband) noticed how good he looked.  In that moment I was thankful to be blessed with this man to represent me and the family we have together.  This led me to think of how I am representing God with my time on earth.

At any given moment if God would look upon me, would He be proud and thankful of how I am representing Him?  

“We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us.”  2 Corinthians 5:20

Ouch.

We can never attain perfection.  Jesus is the only human who could perfectly reflect the image of God and His love.  We should continue to grow ourselves deeper into a relationship with our Heavenly Father, knowing that as we do, we will also grow to more accurately represent Him.  “I press on toward the goal…“ Philippians 3:14 We need to be aware that we are His representatives, continually keeping this in the fore front of our minds and allowing it to guide our actions.

I continued to think more about representing God, how short I fall and how I long to be a better image for my Father.  In turn I was overwhelmed at the thought of who represents me.  Jesus Christ.  He took on my sin and shame as he chose to pour out his blood for me as he was nailed to the cross.  In his perfection, he humbled himself to represent me so that I could have life.

Take a moment and think about the following:

Who it is that you represent.  Is it God?  
If so, how well do you represent Him?  How much of your life reflects Him?

Think about who represents you.  Is it Jesus Christ?  
How does this make you feel?

I pray that as you take time to reflect on the idea of being and having a representative that it moves you greatly.

“Christ Jesus, who died - more than that, who was raised to life - is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.”  Romans 8:34

“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”  Hebrews 12:2

A Weary Mama in Need of a Provider

In preparation of a new addition arriving in a few months, I have been transitioning into some changes that I see will be happening.  Our bedtime routine, for instance, is one of the big changes.  This had been going well until a few nights ago when a melt down occurred.  I laid in my own bed, exhausted and weary of my motherly duties, with my two children screaming for me across the hallway from their room.  In order to excuse myself in my own mind, I selfishly determined that when the baby comes they will have nights they will have to go to sleep without me in the room.  With that in mind, I laid there  frustrated and growing more upset as their little hearts yearned for more of me than I had left to give.   Then I began crying as my emotions were torn between the choices of helping my kids transition, caring for myself and the baby I am carrying or answering the pleas of two tired and restless toddlers.   When my husband finished his shower, he came upstairs and went into the kids room.

I was reminded that I am not alone in this journey and I have a reliable partner that I am more than thankful for.  

I listened as our kids immediately settled into their covers and laid quietly as their Daddy told his silly stories.  They giggled and their hearts were content as the guidance and comfort they desired had found them.  Across the hall, my own heart grew more restless as I realized that this was what they needed - what they were crying out for was more time and love.   Had I not that to give my children?  I could not stop crying.  I was crying out to my Father to help guide and comfort me, just as my kids had been.

I crawled out of bed and went across the hall, then I laid beside my boy to listen to my husbands stories and be with my growing family.  My little fella snuggled up beside me and said “Mama you’re beautiful.”  God has always had a way of speaking to me through him and this is what he has told me time and time again recently and always when I’ve needed to hear it most.  I knew I had found myself right where I should be - with my family, regardless of routine or changes.

As I laid there, I remembered when I was pregnant with Jayden and would tuck Peyton in at night.  I would pray for him and then snuggle beside him and cry.  I would cry because I couldn’t imagine having any more love to give another child!  But as soon as our baby girl entered the world, I finally understood that God would grow my love into something far greater than I thought possible.

He provided enough love.

In that moment He gently assured my heart that when this baby arrives, He will again provide.  Not only more love but strength to care for the children He chose to put in my care.  He will provide the partnership between my husband and I the ability to raise our children in a healthy, Godly and loving environment.  He will provide for me the rest and time I need for myself.  He will provide for me, my husband and my children ALL of our needs - be them emotional, financial, relational, etc.

Because He is Jehovah-Jireh.  My God is Provider.

What that  you are crying out for?  Take your concerns, your thoughts, your worries and share your heart with a God who provides every need for us.  You are never alone in your journey.  Whether or not you have a partner to share your journey with here on earth, when we choose to partner with God, we have the greatest partner and provider there is!

“And my God will provide all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ.”  Philippians 4:19