I Am Sought After

He comes home to a mama who is worn out from a day of outnumbering.  A mama whose likely not showered, whose hair is all undone and tangled, whose clothes are worn.  A mama whose exhaustion can get the best of her words, whose hunger tends to speak out of turn, whose let her guard down and allowed all the ugly to seep right out of her heart.  But that’s just this mama’s perspective.  Because when you look at it from the view of the man walking through the door – he is coming home to what is his, what is treasured, what matters the most. 

He does it almost every time – seeks after me, like a man of the field whose gaze is held by the amazing creation of his God.  When the door or the curtain closes, he opens them wide, looking for his lover, longing for a moment.  When my heart is troubled and my eyes ready to weep, he simply says it, a few simple words and the flood of it all pours out.  He just looks back at me, compassionately letting the rushing waters pass until the stillness comes and I am me again and I can breathe.  When my thousand words come up short and leave me searching, he whispers one single line that shatters the darkness.  He finds me in a room full and he draws me ever so close, where comfort is found and felt. 

Somehow he looks past all that is distracting in the present places and sees a beauty that is held only for him.  He seeks the treasure that is always changing, because his love for me refuses to change.  As my body stretches and scars and wears, like a seeker, he holds it like something more precious than gold.   Through the mess, he finds a life lived at his side: through the better and through the worse; a life who has held life and who has let go of life – lives we’ve loved, lives we’ve created, life as we have known it time and again.  He finds unpolished nails of the one who is far from polished in any way – but whose hands gently tend to their young, bake his meals, trace the lines of his palms, and knead the aches in his back.  He finds the real me under all the layers of ugly pride and defiance.  And when life throws a wall our way and we hit it straight on, his is the hand whose grasps mine and reaches out to God. 

All this searching for me that he has done relentlessly for the past fourteen years, this pursuit he is on that he will not give up on, it’s done by grace because I don’t deserve it.  I don’t often feel like a treasure worth being uncovered, unearthed.  But it’s how he sees me, the real me and I don't need to deserve it because it's something he chooses to give. 

 

It was all resting right under the surface, but it wasn't yet clear.  I knew God was trying to speak through this man I love so dearly but so many other voices were too loud and I couldn’t hush them.  Then in the darkness of the night, he did it, he spoke it, the river ran and maybe peace could be found. 

Then it came, highlighted in pink, underlined in blue, to get it across and speak it loud, God seeking this unsettled heart:

                “For the Lord delights in you and will claim you as his own.”

                                                                                Isaiah 62:4

My heart breathed deep the sigh of relief, because in the mess of it all, through all the questions and wonderings and wanderings – our God seeks.  He seeks us, delights in us and claims us as his own. 

I read on, because I couldn’t read enough, the words kept coming, the hope kept flooding and then the last verse of 62 stopped me, pounded through my heart, it breathed life into the silence.  The words that whispered louder than everything else, that brought all that I had been seeing into the open and made it clear:

                “They will be called a Holy People, the Redeemed of the LORD;
                                and you will be called Sought After…”

                                                                                Isaiah 62:12

I am Sought After.

Not only by my husband, but by the God of the Universe.  The God who seeks me even more passionately than the fierce passion of my love, my love who loves me straight like a Song of Songs.  The God whose entire love letter to us all is written from Genesis to Revelation, every word breathed upon in love and mercy. 

You are Sought After.

You may not feel like one worthy of a seeker, but you have One and He is relentless in His pursuit.  Yes, relentless in chasing after that heart inside of yourself that feels like it can barely beat one more time.  He sees right past all the things that have messed us up, have undone us thoroughly and He finds a treasure worth finding.  His pursuit is not something we can earn or one that few of us deserve, it is something He longs to freely give to each one willing to be found.

You are worthy of a Seeker. 

Worthy of being discovered and treasured. 

Worthy of being found. 

             

“For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost.”

                                                                        Luke 19:10

“…can you imagine the breathtaking recovery life makes, sovereign life, in those who grasp with both hands this wildly extravagant life-gift, this grand setting-everything-right, that the one man Jesus Christ provides?”

                                                                                                 Romans 5:17

I got into the car for a quick trip to the store.  It was a rare occasion when I could be found by myself and just like the man who, when I’m alone, finds me to capture a moment, there He was.  His voice whispering and being heard.  His words singing the anthem of where my heart rests:

              “I believe everything that You say You are

                I believe and I have seen Your unchanging heart
                In the good things and in the hardest part

                              I believe and I will follow You
                              I believe and I will follow You.”

                                                                                   "I Will Follow" by Jon Guerra

Breathe in, be still and let yourself be found
             by the One Savior who bears the scars of death overcome to bring you life,
             by the One Faithful Father who holds you as the apple of His eye,
             by the One Mighty King who is sovereign and claims you as His own, 

You are Sought After. 



Listen to "I Will Follow You" here

 

The Grace In Grief

It’s been months of turning and bending and some days of breaking.  There’s been plenty going on, plenty of good things, a huge harvest to be preserved physically, but what about spiritually?  I’ve been wrestling God for weeks because in the midst of everything else has been this grieving process that has left such a scar on my heart. 

I’ve received more calls over the years than I can count telling me he was in the hospital.  But the call that came that cold spring day as we stood in line for the parade was different.  I knew. 

I’ve been through gut-wrenching loss before and there’s a similar pattern, a way we survive it and make it through.  Each time bitter weeping followed the news, a moment when emotions overwhelmed and sorrow sank deep. 

               It happened when my Dad called unusually early and told me my brother was gone. 

It happened with one word from my midwife.  “Miscarriage.”

               And it happened when I knew deep down that my dear uncle’s time was drawing near.

But we can’t stay weeping.  The weeping turns to shock as we take a moment to breathe and realize the reality of our lives being changed by a dying we did not ask for, plan for and frankly weren't ready to face.  It doesn’t matter how much “planning” or “readying” we do, nothing prepares us for death.  We were not created for it.  The shock is a sort of anesthetic to the soul that helps us put one foot in front of the other and keep moving after our world seems to come to a crashing halt.

We can easily be numbed by the shock, we can become detached and distant.  This period is where the enemy sets a trap and we most often fall into his lies and whispers of darkness.  We must know truth through the shock.  Truth that tells us we are not alone, that this is not something God has done to punish us, that His love for us in constant and never-changing, that there will be new mercies and joy again.   We must push through and find divine strength to be present.  Because those moments are some of the most sacred – moments when we soak it in, when we understand our humanness, when we allow ourselves to be carried. 

     "It is of the LORD's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. 

          They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness."  Lamentations 3:22-23

A period of guilt often follows when the could-have-been’s and should-have-been’s seem to linger.  Somehow we think we could have done something different and the sting would not be so harsh.  We turn over ways we could have relieved the ache before it ever occurred.  It’s a small way we cling to try to control the sovereign, as though we could have changed something, anything that would’ve offered relief or eased our minds.  Soon enough it’s realized there’s nothing we could have done differently.

The sorrow we once felt gives way, at times, to anger as we wrestle to understand why and to let go of the illusion of control that we can’t grasp.  We question God and His ways, possibly His existence.  Faith is shaken and it’s a critical time when most turn away from their Father who is ready and waiting with open arms.  We must turn toward Him, go to Him with our questions and our doubts, our fears and the burdens we bear.  It’s at the foot of the cross where we find this gift we are desperately seeking yet know not to ask for.   Our hearts crave it in every way, more so through the desperation of days marked by grief:

Grace.

After the death of my brother, I sought to find peace of mind.  The guilt of could-have-been’s weighed on my heart like a burden too heavy to bear.

There are days, and likely will always be days where I once again need to turn it over.   Where healing is found in the continued process of laying it down at the cross every time I pick it up again. 

When we do our best with our days given, shining a light for Him and standing firm in our faith as we live in the truth of our belief in His Son – He is pleased, it is enough. 

His grace covers where we fall short. 

After the death of my babies, I questioned God for years, I sought healing where it could not be found and I pushed my hurt hard away as I tried to move on. 

When I turned it over to a God who understood the loss of a child, whose only Son bears the scars for my very existence, that’s when it changed for me.  I no longer needed answers because I was walking with the Answer.  

When we turn to Him through our deepest sorrows a peace floods our soul, our longings turn away from the need to understand and turn to a longing for Christ. 

His grace fills the areas that were left empty, His grace heals the brokenhearted.

And now, after the death of my uncle, a man who was a constant pillar of my faith and my life, I have wrestled with God.  In His loving ways, He has allowed it.  Much within me wants to cling to the present, to selfishly want him back, to pluck him out of the arms of His Savior. Although my life is changed by this man’s passing – God’s love is unchanging, His promise holds true through the fleeting days of our lives on earth. 

As I wrestle and pick up to push through, His grace comes like a flood to my soul.  He speaks in ways that only a Sovereign God who is All-Knowing and All-Loving could do.  Every doubt covered by His words, every longing filled by His presence, pushing me forward and into what I know and what I love.

His grace allows us to embrace the change that comes after loss.  Because of His constant love and tender mercy toward His children, we are able to fall apart and find our way back again.  His grace covers our short-comings as we walk out our faith and wrestle with all that is Christ within us.

His grace draws us near to be held by the One who carries us through.

Grief is not something you get over, it is not something that time heals.  Grief is something Christ only can heal and it is something that by His grace we can get through.  Grief has many stages, and although the stages are harmful if we linger in them, they have the seeds that when sown can one day becoming a bountiful harvest.   While grief has a way of changing and shifting, God is the Great I Am who does not dwell in stages but in a light that penetrates all the darkness of what death brings.  It is He who overcame death once and for all who causes us to hope, who floods our souls with peace and who covers us with His grace.

Jesus.

“The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor.  He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted…to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.”  Isaiah 61:1-3

The Name above all Names that removes our grief:

                                     the poorness,

                                            the breaking of our hearts,

                                                   the mourning, the ashes

                                                          and every spirit of despair whose desire is to take us out.

 

 

The One who overcame so that we could live fully alive in Him:

                        who brought good news,

                                   who binds up our wounds,

                                         who comes close to comfort our aching hearts,

                           and who provides for those of us who grieve –

                                            bestowing beauty,

                                                   filling us with joy unspeakable

                                                          and giving us strength and desire to praise through life's storms.

Jesus.

He is the grace within our grief.

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are – yet did not sin.  Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may received mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”  Hebrews 4:15-16   

Wedding Day Letter from God

I created each of you,

Even before you were formed, I knew you and I set you apart.  Then I placed each of you in your mother’s womb, with a plan and purpose, to give you hope and a future.  Your hearts have prayed, have sought and have found.  And today, you will become one.
                                                               One life, one love, one journey Home.

Never underestimate my power through your lives.  Your strength comes with unity - alone you were once easily overpowered, now together you will be able to defend yourselves, but a cord of three strands is not easily broken.  Keep Me at the center of your marriage and all that you do.  I will be your strong shield, your protector.  I, myself, will go before you and will be with.  I will never leave you nor forsake you.

Keep in mind that just as you are human, so is the one at your side.  Today your love for one another is welling up within you, but there will be times when each of you will fall short.  When discouragement and disappointment come, when it is hard to find the love that you feel so abundantly today - look to Me.  I am the Unchanging One, the One who will not fail you, my mercies never come to an end.  I am the Source and Provider of the love that you have.  I have instilled it as a gift into your heart when you found one another, I have grown it and made it what it is today.  And I have much more for you - a storehouse, an abundance of riches.  It is because I first loved you, so much as to give my only Son, that you are able and will continue to be able to love one another with the same sacrificial love.

The love you have found, when rooted in Me is a safe place.  You should keep no record of wrongs but always extend forgiveness and grace just as I have lavished it upon you.  Freely give as I have freely given to you.  If one of you should stray, may the other humbly and gently bring you back into my embrace.  In doing so, you will save each other from destruction and cover over a multitude of sins.

When troubles and hard times come, when your stretched thin and when my heart breaks at the sight of most others walking out, may you allow those times to bring you all the more closer - closer to one another and to Me.  I will be faithful to light your path.  I am the Creator of the wind and the waves, they obey my Voice and at my command I can calm any raging storm that you face.  Should I allow you to go through it, I will sustain you, I will comfort you and provide for you so long as you remain in Me.  There will also be temptations ahead, I am already there and I promise you that I have already provided a way out of each one.
I want you to understand fully that it does not take a house of gold to build a home.  It takes a strong, and firm foundation, one only I can help you build.  If you choose to build it any other way, it will blow like a tumbleweed in the wind or come crashing to the ground the moment it faces danger.  But build your home and your love upon Me and my teaching, a solid rock, then through the torrents of rain and floodwaters you will stand.  When others enter your home, be an extension of my hand toward them.  This will allow all who enter to experience My love overflowing from your hospitality into their very own lives.  Those who need me and that I send you way, can find Me through you.  Keep the doors of your home and your hearts open and I will have an open door ahead of you that no man can close.

Follow the path that leads to my eternal riches, there are inheritantly yours, they have been handed down from the generations before you.  From the fathers and mothers, the grandparents, the aunts and uncles, the pastors, the friends and the family that have loved you, have shed tears over you, have sacrificed their own wants for you and have stormed my gates in prayer over your lives and who will continue to do so.  May your life together be a life that outlives you both, one that takes on the likeness of Christ and hands the treasures you will find down to the next generation to come.

Remember this day that you are no longer two but now made one, a sacred union that has been bestowed upon you.  Do not take this miraculous occurrence for granted.  Do not compare this gift to others around you, instead keep your eyes steadily fixed on Me, embracing the unique love that I have so abundantly blessed you with.  Every step you take forward together should be a choice to lay yourselves down for the sake of love.  To set aside you own wants and desires to walk along the narrow path, leading to life, hand in hand.  May your love be one that stays right where it began, at the altar.  Never giving up on one another, always keeping your hearts tender toward each other and toward Me.

When you seek Me, you will find Me, when you seek Me will all your heart.  I will teach you My ways and keep your hearts undivided - bound together and also bound to Mine.  May your love be simple: simply grounded and rooted in My love, simple given and simply shared.

A love that soaks it in, every blessed moment, for better or worse until the day you’re called Home.

Be one another’s best friend.  Never give up.  Always look for the best.

Trust Me steadily, hope unswervingly and love extravagantly,
                                                                             God.

Gen 1:27, Psalm 129:13, Jere 29:11, Mark 10:8, Col 3:14, Ecc 4:12, Psalm 18:2, Deut 31:8, Rom 3:23, Psalm 136, Deut 31:8, Rom 3:23, Lam 3:22, John 15:9-16, 1 John 4:10-11, 1 John 4:16, Psalm 46:1 MSG, Col 2:7, Eph 3:17-18, 1 Cor 13:4-8, Eph 1:7-9 ESV, Matt 10:8, James 5:19-20, Psalm 119:105,  Matt 8:27, Psalm 18:35, 1 Cor 10:13, Luke 6:42, Psalm 127:1, 1 Th 3:12, Phil 1:9-11, Rev 3:8, Matt 6:20,  Eph 1:11, Psalm 100:5, Ex 20:6, Deut 6:6-9, Heb 12:2, John 15:13, Mark 8:34, Matt 7:14, Jere 29:12, Ez 11:19, Psalm 86:11, 1 Cor 13:13 MSG

Life to the Full

We spend so much wasted time trying to make a good name for ourselves.  In today’s world of technology almost anyone can do it, anyone can spread the word of who they are and why they feel they deserve to be recognized at the highest of standards.  It’s not hard to make a façade to present to a watching world while you hide in the magnitude of your sins.  Many are making a way for bigger and better, walking along the wide path that leads to destruction.  And what for?  The things along that path all fade away, they are all replaced one day by someone or something.  Maybe a few names get a monument or a plaque or a town named after them, but who were they?

I’m guilty of it too.  We’re all guilty of it.  I was once so busy trying to make a name ‘for God’ that I forgot the Jesus I was to be right here in my home.  I was focused on the “big” and the “meaningful” that I lost sight of what really mattered.  Because even in good works with the best of intentions we can veer of course.

It was only days ago that her and I talked about the everyday, little things that brought him to mind.  After months of him not being here it may finally be setting in.  But in those little messages back and forth throughout the weeks of times we’ve thought of him, found a note from him or just had to have a moment at the loss of him, we realized a little more about how to live.

He did things the world would claim as great, but he didn’t do them for the world.  He changed lives across the nation for Christ’s sake.  Every testimony that’s broadcasted almost daily of a life changed through Teen Challenge, brings the beginning work of his time and talent to mind.  A work that goes unrecognized and that continues to grow and be the work that guides the lost back to their Savior.  Countless ways and times he has set aside himself to follow the One he loved so dearly.

But what I remember of him wasn’t big or grand or across the nation: it was simple.  It was his big blue van faithfully picking me up to go for a visit to my childhood favorite place; his “old people hands” counting six toes on each foot; his lap holding me as we drew the silliest of pictures; the hours on end that he would let me pretend to be the teacher as I made up a classroom; the games and the rides and the walks.  As I became a teen it was his guidance my dad would go to; it was him who saw the change in my heart and made the trip to tell me how proud they were;  they were there every prom, every birthday, every day even as I grew.  His voice was the one who would call to check in; his heart was the one who really knew how his baby girl was;  his eyes were the old gray ones that would look to my husband and express how thankful he was for him; his frail arms would hold each of my babies, always reminding me of the five I wished for.

It was the simple, every day things that he did to pour out love to a child so much in need.

To me, he changed the world.  He changed my world.

So as she and I would go back and forth making our way through the grief of this man who has been there all our lives, we realized how necessary and important the every day,  seemingly mundane, simple acts of love are in this life.  It’s how we find life to the full.  We fill it every day with moments of  putting others first, of going out of our way to help another, of being content with being second, of making room for His glory through us, of bowing low to lift Him up high.   All these things done even when no one is watching, even if it’s only one life we change.  We find life to the full by filling it in every place He has us be.

When we find and live the life to the full that God has for us, it is then that our lives spill over long after we are gone.  

Count your blessings.  Bless Him through it all.
Live simply.  Love extravagantly.

“I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”  John 10:10

Each Day At a Time

I prayed over his little self as he fell back asleep, the littlest one who turned his cheeks and glanced up at me before closing his blue eyes.  He looked just like he did the day I held him close in the hospital, brand new, breathing it all in with my heart overflowing over a year ago.  It seemed like yesterday.  He’s the third and with each one time just keeps going faster.  I can’t keep up with them and the days that seem, in the moment to drag on forever, are gone in the blink of an eye.   So I prayed, then I thought of not only him but all of them.

The blonde haired, freckle faced little “sister” who was the baby of the whole lot of us cousins will be putting on her white gown, holding her Daddy’s arm and walking down the aisle in just a few days.  The ones now driving.  The graduate.  The Navy boy.

And then there’s my own.  Knowing that our oldest only has a few more years of this curious, wild-eyed, boyhood left.  Our sweet little princess who just twirls and twirls in her dresses and still splashes in the puddles.  And our baby boy.  How does a Mama do it?  How does she take it all in and even then, how does she survive it?  How does she make it through raising them and how does she let go?

As I was reminded of my calling to these lives I counted the years left of school.   17 years of being their teacher ahead of me.  All those years to remain steadfast and strong, to teach and to mold and to help them become each their own.  The majority of my days for all those years to raise them to go out into the world as a light for Him. 

Who am I?

I ask the same words as Moses (Exodus 3:11).  Beg God to tell me who I am to have the honor and the privilege to grow and birth and raise three of His children.  In His love and grace, He gently reminds me of the very words my hand wrote on the red paper for the graduate:

 

“Never be afraid to fail, you are capable of so much more than you know.

And God is ABLE.

Remain rooted and grounded in Him.

Change the world pretty girl, one heart at a time.”

 

It’s not about who I am at all.  It’s about Who He Is.

As I imagined the day they will drive, graduate, marry, I echoed the words of my friend: “I’m not ready for that yet.”  You may be quick to tell me I have plenty of time to get ready, but I don’t.  Because none of those mama’s were ready for their babies to fly the nest.  It is by the absolute grace of God that they allow it.  The meltdown came with the thought of it all, the milestones, the memories, the inability to grasp it or even understand it, the time that seems like it may never get here and the same that I know is only moments away. 

But as the overwhelming weight of it all felt like it just might consume me, He reminded me of the words I heard the Farmer say to the Navy boy as they parted ways:

"We take each day as it comes, it’s all we can do."

Each day as it comes.  For the Navy boy leaving again after a short visit home, to go back to the call to serve his country, his family, his God. 

Each day as it comes.  For the Farmer driving his love back to their farm, to the comforts of home and simplicity.  Where he serves his country, his family, his God. 

 
Each day as it comes.  For this Mama going back to a house still full.  The glorious mundane, where I serve my country, my family, my God. 

 

Because it is all we can do. 

He is the Great I AM who knows the how behind the seemingly impossible.   We stay rooted and grounded in the One who is able, and we serve with His Love, flowing through us and into every life around us. 

We serve our country: by our willingness to sacrifice our lives and enlist or by the raising up right of the ones who will come after us.

 

We serve our family: by giving and loving and being a light through the likeness of Christ in our thoughts, motives, actions and prayers.

We serve our God: by laying down our own, temporary lives to walk in His eternal plan. 

 All by His Amazing Grace.

Each day at a time, one heart at a time.

 

 

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

2 Corinthians 12:9 

What You Really Need to Know About Marriage

It was close to nine years ago that they all wished us well with a “Congratulations” or something of the like.  They were joyful and celebrated our special day with us, showered us with cards and gifts.  But no one ever told us what marriage really meant, what it really meant for two to become one.

The "unity candles" you light don’t end when that white pillar is placed in a pretty box.  You will take your light and unite it with that of your love, making one single light burn bright.  And you’ll snuff your old light out to find a new togetherness.  And it’s no wonder those pretty candles burn on the altar because when that pretty candle is tucked away, your lives need to stay right there where they became one - at the altar.   

       “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be  joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.”  Genesis 2:24 

The honeymoon may have it’s share of road bumps and maybe even road blocks.  There will be things that catch you off guard and you may not have the island getaway that some do.  But you should soak in it, and be there - totally there, because when life comes at you, you’ll go back here and reminisce on those first days together.  Take lots of pictures.  One day you’ll pull out those photos and remember the innocent bliss of new found territory and you’ll fall in love all over again.  

 Everyone will have their opinion on your children.  When you should have them, how many you should have, when to try again and when to quit.  But this journey is one that only you and your spouse will travel together.  Others may be on the sidelines cheering you on but it is one another that you will need to lean on.  And as you do, make that known to one another:  hold her tight when the blue lines don’t show, and let him be there with you, let him hold you and know it’s okay to break for one another.  It’s okay to not be strong, because you aren’t in this alone.  If you are both weak, together you can lean on Him who is your Strength.

 “Be not dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you."  Isaiah 41:10

There will come a time when bills need paid, jobs need finished, the car needs repaired, the house needs work, the in-laws need visited, the chores need done…and times when it all happens at once.  There will be too much of it and you’ll both be stretched thin - emotionally, financially, physically and spiritually.  During these times you will be tempted to blame one another.  Do. Not. These are the times that miracles happen.  Literal, parting the Red Sea like miracles, when God can display His work in your lives.  It may be painful but put down your pointing finger and reach out your hand.  Go through it together because when you look back you will find that these were the times that refined your faith and you’ll be better for it.

“Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience.  But let endurance and steadfastness and patience have full play and do a thorough work, so that you may be perfectly and fully developed, lacking in nothing.” James 1:3-4 AMP

We are all human and we all have this nagging tendency to do it our own way.  When everything inside of you is screaming to get in the last word, instead of holding your ground, hold your tongue.  It has the power to destroy that heart you love so dearly.  Don’t let it.  And if something is said, don’t let it go thinking that you didn’t really mean it.  Go to them and humble yourself to ask forgiveness and speak life.  

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue”  Proverbs 18:21

Two lives don’t always come together with ease.  You will need to sacrifice some of your own wants and desires, your own habits and even your own dreams.  When you need to, it doesn’t make your spouse any less of a lover.  They too are making sacrifices even if you don’t realize it.  When you set aside your own wants, you become a tangible Jesus.  It was He who gave it all for you.  

 “Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all.” 

Romans 8:32

One day the sparks and butterflies will begin to fade.  But don’t settle for it, be intentional about it.  Society will tell you it’s chemical and try to put out the spark or encourage you to find other ways to keep it burning.  

So when life pulls you away

    the work…the kids…the family…the friends…
                            the groups…the sports…the deadlines…
                a society overwhelmed with pornography, prostitution,
                                                    masturbation and lust

                                                                         you need to pull in close to each other.  

As with any spark, it is up to you to make it a flame burning hot.  That may mean filtering your schedule:  taking on a less demanding job and trusting God more; quitting the team because your other half needs his/her teammate;  saying no to the outing with friends because what you really need is time with your best friend.  It may mean intentionally planning a date night. It may mean staying up late because it’s the only time you can be alone.  Make it happen.  And not out of duty or obligation, but out of love for one another and out of a passion whose fire can burn long and beautifully.  

          “Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well.” 

Proverbs 5:15

               “Flood waters can’t drown love, torrents of rain can’t put it out.”

              Song of Songs 8:6-7 MSG

Those date nights that once were filled with romantic evenings for two, candlelight and planning will not always be that way.  One day you’ll trade a night out for a night in.  You’ll decline the dinner reservations for a delivered pizza.  You’ll cringe at the thought of squeezing into your best outfit and you’ll choose to put on the oversized sweatshirt and pajama pants.  You’ll consider a walk on a dirt-road, a quiet stream to fish in, a tree-stand for two and a picnic blanket some of the best dates.  And it’s okay if a date night is simply falling asleep in one another’s arms because it’s all you have left at the end of the day.  Plan times to be alone together, keep on dating, it’s really that important.  

If you have children you will need to know the best advice I’ve ever heard:  

GOD.  MARRIAGE.  KIDS.  

That order.  Always.  Because when the wise man whispered it after a dinner spent watching the two of them lean on one another and laugh with each other and seeing their eyes still shine - I knew he knew.  And I breathed a sigh of relief at just how right he was.  One day your babies will outgrow your lovely nest and you need to have a good, solid foundation when they do.   Be careful to not lose your realtionship in relating to your little ones.  It’s okay to take them to grandma’s just so you can focus on one another for longer than three short seconds without whines, cries, demands or questions.  It’s okay to call an early bed time because you need a little more time with your love.  These things don’t make you bad parents - they make you better parents.  Parenting will undo you, it will change your lives entirely, make the change together.  

Your marriage began at the altar and that’s where it needs to stay.  When one of you gets up and walks away, which you will because we all fall short, the other should push him back.  We get to celebrate our love’s victories and see them at their best, but we must not turn away when they hit rock bottom and when we see them at their worst.  These are the times our love needs our love, His love, the most.  We made the commitment the day we lit the candle and placed the ring on one another’s finger and we need to commit every day of our lives to living up to our promise.  For better or for worse.  Bring them back to the foot of the cross, kicking and wailing if you must, but back to the Loving care of Him who holds you both together.  

When you least expect it, you may be on the receiving end of a confession.  Listen with grace, the same grace that He extended to you when He sent His Only Son. Stay humble and hear the heart behind the hurt and extend forgiveness even if it feels undeserved.  Because soon enough you may be on the other side and find yourself needing to admit your wrong-doing.  In those moments you will need forgiveness and grace as well.  And when you can’t find the strength, ask Him who supplies all our needs and extend it through Him.  He is faithful.  If you can find humility in the darkest days, you can shine the very light of Christ to the one you love.  Keep your heart tender toward your love and tender toward your God.

“Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you,      with all malice.  And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:31,32

Make it a habit to pray for one another.  Write your prayers down, pray them boldly, believe big things for your love.   Insert their name in scripture and claim promises over their lives.  God has graciously given you the gift to spend your life with this one.single.person.  Use it wisely.  Don’t waste a minute of it.  Storm the gates of Heaven and Earth with prayers for him/her.  Share your burdens.  Be vulnerable and courageous.  Praying for one another and with one another will bring an intimacy to your marriage that no bedroom can produce.

One day that hand that you place that shining ring on will be frail.  The lines will tell the story of your lives.  And when that time comes you’re going to want to be there.  You’re going to want to hold that hand when your time is running out.  Because in those moments what really matters is the love you shared.  The job, the work, the hobbies, the others…they fade into the background.  

What will matter is the life and the love that you shared

...together...

There I sat, witnessing love when all else faded away and those two frail hands were holding tight one last time.  She couldn't say it enough:

“You’re the best friend I ever had, I love you…I love you.” 

“Thank you for the beautiful life you’ve given me.  I love you.”

He asked for her coat because when he could barely utter anything he still worried about her and cared for her.  It’s what he knew to do - to love her beyond himself.  Just like the Savior he loved so dearly did for him.

With tears in his fading eyes he said back, three words whispered

                                                                              “…I love you.”


He looked right in the eyes of my husband, my best friend, my love and he said
“Take care of my baby.”  And that blue-eyed love of mine choked back tears and promised him that he would.

Because the Home-bound man knew what my love and I had.  

And I knew it.

I knew he would take care of his bride that is undeserving of the beautiful life and love that he continues to give me.  Because I mess up, I get it wrong, I’ve held my ground when I should have held my tongue. I have gotten up and walked hard away from the altar.  I’ve been on the receiving end of a confession and I’ve also fallen on my knees begging for forgiveness, forgiveness that I gave and that he gave…the first time we asked.  I’ve had to drag that boy with all my might back to the altar and God bless him for bringing me back kicking and wailing.  

He loves me beyond himself, just as I love him.  

It’s not about the wedding day - the white dress, the boutonniere, the perfect colors, the flowers or the dancing.  It’s not about the cards and the gifts and the well-wishes.  It’s not about how the tiered cake stood perfectly, if it stood at all.  It’s not about the big or the fancy, the invitations or the favors.

It’s about the wedding of two lives together as one - the healing after being broken, the standing after falling, the arms that caught you when you fell and the eyes that hold your gaze.  It’s about patience, forgiveness, grace and mercy.  It’s about standing by one another’s side to celebrate the good days and staying closely there when you face your worst.  It’s about finding beauty in the uncovered body that has stretched and grown and wrinkled in time.  It’s about the love that thrives:
                                        baked in the warm cookies,
                                            given in the welcome home kiss,
                                                 made between the crisp sheets,
                                                     grounded in the morning devotions
                                                         and grown deeper as the time goes by.

It’s about the legacy you leave behind, a life of love that will outlive you both.  It’s about remembering the flame you lit together and staying right there where you began - at the altar.

“Marriage is a crucifixion and you’re not meant to survive it.” 

Charles Stanley

The Mercy of Mamahood

It was a day of emptying.  One last load of laundry lingered, fresh Downy scented towels to wrap the washed.  But it would need to wait because the ones in need of a washing were too busy getting dirty.  Big brother dug a “pond” and three times the clothes of the littlest had to be changed.  Sand was carried and sand was then poured.   The porch was swept three times as the littlest explored and carried in his findings.  The chickens climbed the stairs to our deck and after being chased down by the puppy went straight to eat our new bird seed.  Then we were all chasing chickens.  A favorite meal was started but milk was needed and no where to be found.  I made a way, us mothers have a way of making a way.  They all came in, along with the sand and leaves and footprints.  The house that just got put back together was torn apart by life being lived in no time.   A toilet was found and shoes were thrown in.  The sink that was clean was now filled again.  So I stood there, poured the white soap out and I washed.  I got the broom out and once again I swept away the dirt.  Not because I like it, but because I love them.

We survived that day of emptying and this Mama needed time to herself and time with her love.  But us mom’s usually never have much time on our hands.  So time was made for Him, for me and for my love by setting aside sleep for just awhile longer.

Then morning quickly came.  A house full and filled with three still young enough to cuddle and hug and appreciate along with a puppy to greet you with a wagging tail.  A morning should be, could be expected to be, something far from what this morning was.  This morning came with the littlest waking early clenching my cheeks in his tiny fists.  Followed by him sitting his in-need-of-a-changing sweet little bum right on my head.  My glasses were stolen and in an attempt to recover them my glasses were thrown.  Because this Mama simply can’t keep up.  The puppy with a wagging tail was forgotten the night before, never put in her pen and we woke to her “mess.”  Good morning mama.

I stood outside with our pup, asking God how a house so full could not only fill me but simultaneously empty me.  How a morning with so many little hearts in our home could seem like such a wreck.  I really didn't even had time to catch my breath from the day before.  Or honestly, the day before that and the one before that.  But I was reminded of this high-calling of mama hood.  One that totally undoes us.  The role of mama: filled to be emptied again.  Emptied of ourselves to make more room for Him.  Because we.are.blessed.  And we are lavished with grace to get through and bring us to our knees in gratitude before a Savior who has done it for us.  We can barely stand at the end of some days, days the kids run us dry, days the husband and the friends and the work wrings us out.  We can barely stand and we don’t have to.  We can fall helplessly, completely, surrendered at the foot of the cross.
     
We can get it wrong.
We can get undone.
We can not be enough.

Set aside our guilt and receive His grace.

Grace that washes our sins white as snow, helping us get it right.
Grace that cleans our hearts time after time, lavishes itself and puts us together.
Not because we deserve it but because He loves us and He is enough.  

One mom outnumbered by three kids.  Three little mouths to feed, needs to meet and voices to be heard.  One set of hands to bake, to wash, to hold and one pair of ears to hear.  One mind to listen to and nourish the minds of three high paced, relentless beings.  And whether it’s three or two or one or five, us mom’s always seem to be outnumbered.

A mama of little ones will spend her days filled: little hands to hold, kisses to give, lullaby's to sing, hurts to mend, meals to bake, the dirty to wash, a lap to cover and priceless artwork to receive.  While she is filling, she will pour herself out.  Because that’s what a mama does, it’s her gift to her children:

To pour her life into the precious lives she’s been blessed to nourish, care for and grow.  

Because that's what Christ did, His mercy poured out on the cross for us, it was His gift to us:

He poured His Life out for us that we may have life to the full, be healed and saved.  

That’s the mercy of motherhood.

A Declaration of Blessedness

Matthew 5:1-12  The Beatitudes, the very first words making up the Sermon on the Mount, a declaration of blessedness.

The world we live in screams that we are blessed for earthly matters.  Hollywood glamour, fashion trends, excess money, a degree, a smooth, wide road to travel, all our wants received and our circumstances favorable.  But true blessedness, the blessedness that Jesus teaches, is raw and gritty.  It puts others before self and God above all.  

Your are BLESSED when:

• you're at the end of your rope.
• you feel you've lost what is most dear to you.
• you're content with just who you are - no more, no less.
• you've worked up a good appetite for God.
• you care and you're 'care-full'.
• you get your inside world - your mind and your heart - put right.
• you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete and fight.
• your commitment to God provokes persecution.
• people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit Jesus.

And in our BLESSEDNESS we find:

1. With less of ourselves, there's more room for God.  
2. We are able to be embraced by the One most dear to us.
3. We are proud owners of everything that can't be bought.
4. He's food and drink in the best meal we'll ever eat.
5. We are cared for.
6. We can see God in the outside world.
7. Who we really are and our place in God's family.
8. Persecution drives us even deeper into God's kingdom.
9. We are in good company.

In stark comparison to the shouts of the world our Father whispers louder that BLESSED are: 

• the poor in spirit.
• those who mourn.
• the meek.
• those who hunger and thirst for righteousness.
• the merciful.
• the pure in heart.
• the peacemakers.
• those who are persecuted because of righteousness.

For His promise is that they:

1. Will be comforted.
2. Will inherit the earth (Rev. 21:1)
3. Will be filled.
4. Will be shown mercy.
5. Will see God.
6. Will be called sons of God.

And that theirs is:

• the kingdom of God
• the kingdom of heaven

Great is their reward in heaven!

We get caught up in the shouts of the world and we miss the whispers of our Savior who climbed the mountainside.  Our every day blessings that the Father is pouring out so readily are shadowed by the lies of a dark kingdom.  

I get caught up in the sorrow of losing a life that shaped and molded mine since birth.  

I get caught up in the days drawing near to the day our first baby was born into heaven.

I get caught up in the noise and clutter of my home when I simply need a moment to be still and breathe. 

I get caught up in the loss of a childhood safe haven and the reality that all things of this earth fade away.  

I get caught up in hurrying to get it all done and fit it all in.

I get caught up in the demands of mamahood, homemaking, homeschooling, community, family when there's too much of it all and not enough of me.

So if you're with me on this, if you're caught up in the shouts and have trouble finding the solid rock in which you stand.  If you feel like you're falling and maybe failing and you're weary and in need of a rescue...

Let us climb away from the shouting and find a quiet place.  Let us turn our wandering hearts to our Savior above, to fix our eyes on His love, 

                                                             on His redemption, 

                                                                       on His healing 

                                                                             and His strength.  

To allow ourselves to let go of the cares of this world and get caught up in His grace. 

May we be part of the committed ones who are willing to climb the mountainside to find a quiet place, away from the shouts of darkness, to hear the whispers of our Savior.

"Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you, Yes I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."                             Isaiah 41:10

"So the ransomed of the LORD shall return,  And come to Zion with singing, With everlasting joy on their heads.  They shall obtain joy and gladness; Sorrow and sighing shall flee away."  Isaiah 51:11

 "Casting all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you."  1 Peter 5:7

"Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved, for You are my praise."  Jeremiah 17:14

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."                     2 Corinthians 12:9