I Am Sought After

He comes home to a mama who is worn out from a day of outnumbering.  A mama whose likely not showered, whose hair is all undone and tangled, whose clothes are worn.  A mama whose exhaustion can get the best of her words, whose hunger tends to speak out of turn, whose let her guard down and allowed all the ugly to seep right out of her heart.  But that’s just this mama’s perspective.  Because when you look at it from the view of the man walking through the door – he is coming home to what is his, what is treasured, what matters the most. 

He does it almost every time – seeks after me, like a man of the field whose gaze is held by the amazing creation of his God.  When the door or the curtain closes, he opens them wide, looking for his lover, longing for a moment.  When my heart is troubled and my eyes ready to weep, he simply says it, a few simple words and the flood of it all pours out.  He just looks back at me, compassionately letting the rushing waters pass until the stillness comes and I am me again and I can breathe.  When my thousand words come up short and leave me searching, he whispers one single line that shatters the darkness.  He finds me in a room full and he draws me ever so close, where comfort is found and felt. 

Somehow he looks past all that is distracting in the present places and sees a beauty that is held only for him.  He seeks the treasure that is always changing, because his love for me refuses to change.  As my body stretches and scars and wears, like a seeker, he holds it like something more precious than gold.   Through the mess, he finds a life lived at his side: through the better and through the worse; a life who has held life and who has let go of life – lives we’ve loved, lives we’ve created, life as we have known it time and again.  He finds unpolished nails of the one who is far from polished in any way – but whose hands gently tend to their young, bake his meals, trace the lines of his palms, and knead the aches in his back.  He finds the real me under all the layers of ugly pride and defiance.  And when life throws a wall our way and we hit it straight on, his is the hand whose grasps mine and reaches out to God. 

All this searching for me that he has done relentlessly for the past fourteen years, this pursuit he is on that he will not give up on, it’s done by grace because I don’t deserve it.  I don’t often feel like a treasure worth being uncovered, unearthed.  But it’s how he sees me, the real me and I don't need to deserve it because it's something he chooses to give. 

 

It was all resting right under the surface, but it wasn't yet clear.  I knew God was trying to speak through this man I love so dearly but so many other voices were too loud and I couldn’t hush them.  Then in the darkness of the night, he did it, he spoke it, the river ran and maybe peace could be found. 

Then it came, highlighted in pink, underlined in blue, to get it across and speak it loud, God seeking this unsettled heart:

                “For the Lord delights in you and will claim you as his own.”

                                                                                Isaiah 62:4

My heart breathed deep the sigh of relief, because in the mess of it all, through all the questions and wonderings and wanderings – our God seeks.  He seeks us, delights in us and claims us as his own. 

I read on, because I couldn’t read enough, the words kept coming, the hope kept flooding and then the last verse of 62 stopped me, pounded through my heart, it breathed life into the silence.  The words that whispered louder than everything else, that brought all that I had been seeing into the open and made it clear:

                “They will be called a Holy People, the Redeemed of the LORD;
                                and you will be called Sought After…”

                                                                                Isaiah 62:12

I am Sought After.

Not only by my husband, but by the God of the Universe.  The God who seeks me even more passionately than the fierce passion of my love, my love who loves me straight like a Song of Songs.  The God whose entire love letter to us all is written from Genesis to Revelation, every word breathed upon in love and mercy. 

You are Sought After.

You may not feel like one worthy of a seeker, but you have One and He is relentless in His pursuit.  Yes, relentless in chasing after that heart inside of yourself that feels like it can barely beat one more time.  He sees right past all the things that have messed us up, have undone us thoroughly and He finds a treasure worth finding.  His pursuit is not something we can earn or one that few of us deserve, it is something He longs to freely give to each one willing to be found.

You are worthy of a Seeker. 

Worthy of being discovered and treasured. 

Worthy of being found. 

             

“For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost.”

                                                                        Luke 19:10

“…can you imagine the breathtaking recovery life makes, sovereign life, in those who grasp with both hands this wildly extravagant life-gift, this grand setting-everything-right, that the one man Jesus Christ provides?”

                                                                                                 Romans 5:17

I got into the car for a quick trip to the store.  It was a rare occasion when I could be found by myself and just like the man who, when I’m alone, finds me to capture a moment, there He was.  His voice whispering and being heard.  His words singing the anthem of where my heart rests:

              “I believe everything that You say You are

                I believe and I have seen Your unchanging heart
                In the good things and in the hardest part

                              I believe and I will follow You
                              I believe and I will follow You.”

                                                                                   "I Will Follow" by Jon Guerra

Breathe in, be still and let yourself be found
             by the One Savior who bears the scars of death overcome to bring you life,
             by the One Faithful Father who holds you as the apple of His eye,
             by the One Mighty King who is sovereign and claims you as His own, 

You are Sought After. 



Listen to "I Will Follow You" here