The Blanket

As I’ve sorted through our baby things, deciding what to give to friends, what to donate and what to tuck away for keepsakes, my heart ached as I held onto the well-worn flannel receiving blankets that have swaddled each of our little ones.  Treasured within the soft linen were memories of those first days and months when our babies began their lives.  These blankets were thrown over our shoulders as we’d gently pat their backs and help ease their bellies.  Blankets that each baby was wrapped perfectly in by Daddy to remind them of the closeness they knew within my womb.  They were faded and stained and the sweet smell of innocence still lingered.  I held them close, remembering those precious moments.  As our little ones have grown, some of these were used by our girl to wrap up her baby dolls as she’d take the role of mama and fill it so well.  They’ve wrapped a cat or two, been used for capes and made their way through each stage as we’ve tried to keep up with the fleeting days.  This mama who doesn’t hang on to much, couldn’t bear the thought of letting them go so I tucked them away. 

One day when our town was buried in over two feet of snow, I pulled them out again.  Among these I also had one that was my husband's when he was a baby and one that had been mine.  I didn’t want these blankets to be stored away for memories to be recalled later.  There were still memories to be made.  I decided to stitch them together, just as our family has been. 

Beings that I’m not an experienced seamstress I laid it out on our kitchen table how I wanted it to end up and stared, confused and scared to mess it up.  I debated on whether or not I should do it or if I should pass it on to any number of well-able seamstresses I know.  I called in my husband and asked him for advice on what to do and as usual he gave me a place to start and helped me each time I would get stuck.  At one point we had it clamped to the doorway to hang straight so I could pin it.  I even sewed the wrong ends together and had to strip several feet of seam and begin again. One by one I pieced our blankets together and called on my mom and quilter-friend when I needed their advice.  Somehow in the midst of all my mistakes it was still coming together and turning out better than I had imagined. 

This blanket…

There is unevenness where I wanted straight lines.

There are bumps where I wanted it to be smooth.

             Mistakes were made and there are tears hidden beneath view.

             It isn’t by a professional but by one whose heart is swollen with love.

             There are memories laced in the fading and stains. 

             It isn’t perfect but it is ours.

As I was carefully and slowly finishing the seams and nearing being completed, I realized how much this blanket compared to mamahood.  I started out much the same way when our first son was born, confused and fearful of not getting it right.  In many ways I’d ask my husband, who had more experience with babies than I, what to do next.  Many things involved in this role that I could have passed on to outside help, to others who may be more qualified, experienced or knowledgeable than I, but things that by the grace of God I have been able to fill for my family.  We haven’t done it all the typical way, we’ve had to make our own path, find what has worked for us and find where God has willed us.  We’ve utterly messed up, got it all wrong and have had to seemingly start again.  I am daily brought to my knees pleading for help and asking advice from a Father who knows the depths of their hearts far greater than I.  

There is a God piecing together the story of our lives into His Bigger Story. 

                There will be unevenness but He will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:6)

                There will be bumps but He will make rough places smooth.  (Isa. 45:2)

                Mistakes will be made and hearts will be torn but He is close to those hidden in Him. (Ps 34:18)

                A story made by the Creator of all things, the Father whose hearts is swollen with love for His Children.

                Embrace the worn-in, weary, stained places that have brought you where you are.

                This life isn’t perfect, but it is ours to live.    

He is creating a beautiful masterpiece within yours…