Bringing Ginger Ale Home

It’s the message that everyone knows the real meaning of and I can assure you is most dreaded by parents:  Can you bring home ginger ale?

The three of us mamas sat together over ice-cream where no small hands were trying to steal a bite.  We really covered much in our brief conversation, women have a way of doing that that’s fit enough for an Olympic sport.  We happened to be talking about sickness and the two others shared how their girls had recently been sick while I was utterly thankful that so far our kids had skipped out on this.  But no sooner did the thought cross my mind did the text for ginger ale come through.  My husband updated me briefly on the situation at home, our littlest was the one in need but for the moment everything was under control. 

The girls and I continued our evening, but my mama heart was concerned for my little fella and for Daddy who was holding down our fort.  I trusted he would let me know if I needed to come home right away and I also trusted that he was fully capable of handling our children, even if one was sick.  But after some time passed I checked in to see how things were and received no response, then that trust began to waver.  I wondered why I hadn’t heard from him and imagined that if he hadn’t reassured me everything was okay, then everything clearly could not have been okay! 

I headed home and picked up ginger ale on my way, all while picturing the scene that might unfold as I walked through the door.  I was preparing myself to be scrubbing floors, juggling buckets and up all night.  I thought for sure there would be a huge sigh of relief when I walked through the door because help had arrived…

Instead, they were all watching a movie together.  They were at-ease and completely under control. 

I was greatly relieved but could hardly believe how unnecessary all my worrying, anxiousness and preparing had been.  I had every reason to trust my husband’s ability, which I do, but nevertheless my desire to be needed and to intervene caused my trust to seem faltering.

It didn’t take long for my Heavenly Father to open my eyes to see my heart reflected in this momentary scene of another day in parenting.  God has never given me any reason to not fully trust in His ability to work for my good, to come through, to amaze me…in fact He’s gone above and beyond to reveal Himself in God-size ways just how much I can trust Him.  Yet I falter. 

We tend to pick up the pieces and try to figure out the puzzle in our own way, create our own picture, do it ourselves.  We rush ahead and insist on intervening with our own help when our Father is completely under control, unphased by the circumstances that tempt to distract us.   How often do we take the part we are to do, think it may not be enough and from that point try to make it more elaborate and complex, more seemingly necessary to building the Kingdom? 

In Mark 4:35-40 Jesus asks his disciples to get in the boat to cross to the other side.  Without question they obediently follow but when the storm hits and waves break over the boat they panic.  They wake Jesus and accuse him of not caring if they drown, they allow a momentary trouble to distract them from their destination. 

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”  Philippians 4:6-7

His Word makes it clear that we are not to worry or be anxious about anything.  We need to trust Him fully, knowing that our purpose and our position not only matter but make an eternal difference in the Kingdom of God.  It’s not up to our limited opinion to decide what needs to be done or how we should do it.  It’s up to our minds made up to follow God’s lead and be alert to the work of God surrounding us as we invest ourselves in His plan. 

So for the heart that feels like the “ginger-ale picker upper” in the Kingdom: Your part matters.

It may seem insignificant, unnoticed and unseen but it’s what the Father has asked and called you to do.  God doesn’t call you to busy you or keep you occupied until Kingdom come. He calls you in order to equip you to bring the Kingdom here to earth.  

God doesn’t need us to fulfill His plan, He wants us to be a part of His Story and to help lead others Home.  God desires for us to partner with Him and He will never turn away from a heart crying out to Him and for the soul pleading to be used by Him.  So don’t count yourself out, because when you feel purposeless you need to know that is a lie from the enemy who is out to destroy you.  You are loved by a God who created you on purpose, for a purpose and positioned you to live a life that impacts eternity.  Take care of the people and the things He has given you to care for today; love those He has surrounded you with in this moment; use your gifts, talents and abilities to bring glory to His Name; be present, be alert to His moving and follow His lead. 

 “Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.”  1 Corinthians 15:58

The Changing Table

It wasn’t planned and the decision wasn’t extraordinary, it was just a typical day and a realization that it was finally time.  Months ago we talked about how the day would soon come, we anticipated it and came real close to going through with it but it just wasn’t time and deep down inside my mama heart I didn’t want to rush it.  Life caught up with us, our attention was consumed with big boy undies, dashes to the potty and over-exuberant cheers of victory.  In the midst of it all, the changing table stayed right where it has been for three years – taking up much of the one bathroom that five of us share, holding washcloths, wipes and whatever anyone decided to throw on it. 

But one day, I knew it was time and that we didn’t need it anymore. 

The moving of the changing table came as a great relief until I began to scrub the wall behind it.  In that moment, in a pile of dust and random objects, the memories came flooding.  I remembered the moment it was given to us and how I imagined all the sweet-smelling babies it would hold.  With each swelling of my belly, I would anxiously, tediously set things in place upon it in preparation of their lives filling our own.  It was there through the late nights and long days, the dirtiest of messes and the added-up hours of leaning in close to smell soft skin.  It was where our babies would coo and squirm as we’d “ooo and awe.”  As they grew they would crawl up to the top to get a little closer as they’d tell us stories.   They’d stand on top to admire haircuts and wait for kisses. 

So much life and love had happened surrounding the changing table.  I sat down on a stool, looking around at a bathroom now completely undone in the process of change and in that moment joy and sorrow abided.  As my mama heart went through snapshots and years gone by, the gentle whisper came that this really is going to be alright, that better things are ahead and life requires adjusting from time to time.  God was using this picture of a parenthood milestone to give me a glimpse at the transition He’s asking us to make in our lives. 

Parenting is a thing I could understand from my human perspective.  Our children are growing and in that there is out-growing of things they once needed, things we depended on to care for them and raise them.  Many memories were made in those years of raising babies but much is to be anticipated as we transition out of the baby-phase of parenting.  Even as my heart aches at those days becoming only memories, I am rejoicing at the beauty of my children growing strong and the changing roles we take on as parents as they do. 

For months, God has been working in our hearts to trust Him beyond a perspective we can understand.  He was asking us to let go of things that we once depended on and in ways needed, places where there was certainly life and love surrounding, but places that were now in the way.  There’s an eternal perspective that we can’t quite grasp due to our humanness, a perspective that requires faith and trust in a God who knows our hearts and everything that we need. 

This day on a bathroom floor, in the midst of undoing I saw my heart.  A heart that has allowed God to mold and shape, to move out big things to make more room for Him, to rearrange and shift but also one that can get anxious in the process.  A heart that at times can slam to door shut and scream “WAIT! Are you sure?” as though God is anything other than sure. 

How silly it would have been for me to get up from that stool, get the changing table and place it back claiming I wasn’t ready for my children to outgrow it and that I liked the way it restricted our space.  What would I have looked like if I took all the things set aside to throw away and put them back, let the dust cling fast to the wall and slumped down in pride that I got it all back where it once was?  Instead I rose up from the stool and continued forward.  I cleaned.  I purged.  I made room.  Not only in our bathroom but in my heart. I decided that my small steps of considering when the day would come were no longer enough.

  “A child of God is never out of the notice of God” – Pastor Tom Sprowls, Jr.

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing!”  Isaiah 43:19

It is time.  Time to let go of the old, to allow memories to be enough and to open our hearts to changing.  Although we may not fully understand and it may look like an upheaval of a mess, it’s time to trust that there is freedom because of the process.   It is time to have confidence in a Father who will meet our every need as we adjust our lives to what He’s calling us to.  Time to believe that the same God who spoke creation into existence is creating another chapter of our story. 

There comes a time in all our lives when we can choose to stay in what we know or embrace the unknown where God calls.  A place that requires adjusting and changing, possibly unknown to us but certainly known to Him.  A place that is good, wholesome and revives the soul.  

And without planning and no extraordinary measures, you somehow just know it is time.

“My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.”  Psalm 121:2

"She wasn't born for greatness, she didn't go to school for it, she just learned that sometimes God has a plan so big only He can see it and all she had to do was believe.. yep, she was just a regular kid, just like you.”

-Veggie Tales

The kids were watching this movie as I was finishing writing and this was what I heard in the background.  That may just be extraordinary...

Dominoes and Daughters

There were dominos scattered on the table and three kids quietly putting together their own creations.  While her brother built a tower, a dug out, and a hollow pit, she patiently worked on a sun surrounded by a heart.  He would build one thing, take it down and begin another while she carefully pieced her one design into place.  She called me in to see her masterpiece and proudly showed it off.  In the brief moment she walked away from the table, the littlest brother moved a piece.  She squealed and insisted he not touch it, which every sibling knows what happened next…

“He broke my heart!  He broke my heart!  I worked so hard to get it just right and he broke it!”

Oh, my sweet darling, how much I want to protect you from ever saying those words.  Even though I am unable to, I can introduce you to the One who can.  The Father who entrusted you to the care of your Daddy and myself holds your heart ever so close to His own. 

There will be times when you carefully work toward building what you vision in your heart, yet somehow time has a way of shifting and settling into something far different.  For those times I pray that you allow God to birth in you desires that match His eternal purpose, desires that stand the test of time and influence His Kingdom that cannot be shaken. 

“Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4

There will be a day when a boy will catch glimpse of your heart and because we’re all human, you will both fall short and leave the other disappointed.  Wait for the one who cares enough to stay, who allows God to use him in loving you and who is committed to fixing the broken places that you will each have.  In this, know that no boy can break you of who God designed you to be.  Place your heart in the care of your First Love and allow Him to be the guide in all your thoughts and actions. 

“I delight greatly in the LORD: my soul rejoices in my God.  For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness… as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.”  Isaiah 61:10

Of all things, may you be brave enough to allow your heart to be broken with the things that break the heart of God.  Remain humble, teachable and useable by the One who has a plan and purpose for you in an eternity that begins here on earth.  May you always know to the core of your being that you need not work to earn the love of God.  No amount of good works can earn His love or His blessings, these are not something to be earned, but instead they have been freely given to the heart that cries out to Him.  Jesus provided a way so that we could go to Him in the broken, messed up, condition that we are in and because of His grace, we don’t need to work hard to get it right on our own. 

 “…godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.” 1 Timothy 4:8

“In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will- to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.”  Ephesians 1:5-6

We sat back down at the table and together we rebuilt the broken pieces.  And my heart filled with thanks for a Father who comes close to us in our brokenness and helps us piece our dreams, our desires, our very selves back together again.  I praise Him for being One who loves this pretty girl far more than I can and the One I trust to be faithful in restoring her heart one day when she cries out those words to Him. 

This pretty girl who now grinned ear to ear as she excitedly told me it was just right:  a heart with the sun in the center. 

May the Son be at the center of your heart, the One who binds all your broken pieces together into a beautiful masterpiece for His glory. 

He Knows My Name

“A as in apple.  F as in Frank. T-O-N.”

Aston.  Ashton.  Aspen.   Aft-aw-n.  

Almost always anything but what my name is.  I’ve gotten so used to it that I generally don’t correct people after the third or fourth attempt.  For those that do get my name right, rarely the first time, but occasionally the second try, the same question always follows:

“Where did your parents ever hear that name?”

They expect a great story to go with such a unique name, but my parents got my name from a television show “Dallas”.  For those that recognize the show, they proceed to tell me that they don’t remember a character with that name.  It wasn’t a main character.  They stand there, with their thoughts visible through their expression, thinking of my name, making sure they got it right, and taken back by my lack-of-story to go along with it.  This happens all the time. 

Anyone with a unique name understands, but this whole name thing doesn’t bother me as it might some.  I like my name, most everyone who finally hears it right says it’s beautiful, my parents who love me immensely chose it for me, and I tend to prefer things that aren’t typical or ordinary.  When it comes down to it, the truth that really matters is this - He knows my name.

This simple truth goes far beyond a name and deep to a heart that often needs reminded:

When I feel alone and like no one really understands me, He knows my name.

When the road ahead seems unclear and uncertain, He knows my name.

When I no sooner find my footing that I’m stumbling again, He knows my name.

When the unexpected overturns everything once known, He knows my name. 

No matter where we are or where we have been, He knows exactly where to find us.  He knows the things that trouble our hearts and keep us up at night.  When we feel unworthy, shamed and undone, He loves us just the same.  When it feels like everyone is busy and distracted while our own world is standing still, He has never left our side.  When the day ahead seems questionable and unreliable, He alone is able.   

He knows your name.

He knows where you’ve kept yourself hidden.  He wants you in all the beautiful mess that you feel you are in.  There is no distance too far or shame too much to outdo His grace that covers it all.  There is no circumstance, no diagnosis, no death-like-grave, and no hell that His love has not already overcome. 

We can rest in confident trust that the God whose spoken word brought all of creation into existence, who breathed life into dry bones, who brought His Son up out of the grave, is the same God who knows us by name.

“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine.  When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.  When you go through rivers of difficulty you will not drown.  When you walk through the fire of oppression you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.  For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.”

Isaiah 43:1-13 NLT

Clinging to Diapers

They say when you have multiple children that their personalities are each different and it couldn’t be more true.  Our youngest is the one who is particular and likes consistency, he’s the one who cries when it’s time to wash his blanket and isn’t a big fan of mom and dad leaving.  It took a great deal of convincing him it was okay when it was time to pack up the clothes that no longer fit to pass on to his baby cousin.  He was not pleased when they went from the laundry and into a bag, not into his drawer, and I would catch him pulling a too-small shirt back out and trying to fit it on. 

We’ve slowly been working on potty training.  One day he did it, he woke up and went running to the potty each and every time he had to go!  He continued to do so for several days but there was only one problem: his diaper.  All the convincing in the world with dramatic choo-choo’s and cars and boyhood heroes was not selling this boy on underwear.  There was no way our boy was giving up what was known and comfortable, even if it was time, even if it made sense, even if it was totally-awesome!  He clung desperately to what he wanted to hang on to even though what would be given was better.  Eventually I had to hide his diapers, in their place put the undies and stand by as he rolled on the floor trying to get back the familiar. 

As the days went by, he learned that this was his new normal.  The diapers were kept tucked away until bedtime and he began enjoying picking out what pair of undies he would wear each morning.  As a mama, I’m certainly rejoicing in the nearness of not changing messy diapers, but at the same time my heart is weeping a little as diapers make their way out of our lives. 

In the midst of this transition season of boyhood and motherhood I realized how much this spoke of a bigger picture.  How often God is doing a new thing and asking us to take hold of it, to jump in and enjoy what lies ahead, but how desperately we try to cling to the past.  This life inevitably changes, seemingly as often as the seasons do.  We no sooner get used to and acclimated to one season and a squall of the next hits us hard.  I’m guilty of spiritually laying on the floor, kicking, crying and pleading for life to remain the same, to just let me bask in the moment and not rush me onto the unfamiliar.  Yet my Father, whose plan and purpose far outweigh mine, patiently waits for my tantrum to end and for me to reach out my hand to trust him once more. 

Circumstances change, people change, relationships change, seasons change, locations change, careers change, family dynamics change…everything changes.  There certainly are some things that remain consistent throughout our lives, but as the years, days, moments pass and our lives continue on we experience transitions.  With each step we have a choice to let those things leave us bitter, leave us looking back, longing for what once was or we can embrace the new road ahead and trust our lives to a God who is Unchanging. 

“I the Lord do not change.” Malachi 3:6

Change can come in the form of something much anticipated that we have prayed for, waited for and dreamed of.  But it can also come when a loved one dies, when our lives seem to be uprooted and repositioned, unexpectedly and unchosen.  Through it all our God remains the same, the Unchangeable One.  His promises are sure and His foundation is solid.  When we root ourselves in His love and in His will, we can allow ourselves to ebb and flow within the waves of an ever-changing life.  Our security is then found on the sacred grounds of knowing that He is LORD regardless of our season.  Through the highs, we remain humble and through the lows, we remain sure.  We no longer need to be His children who are clinging to our diapers: those things we once needed, depended on and grew a liking to, the things we simply cannot hold onto forever.  We can trust that there is joy to be found in the new road ahead, a new normal that will allow us to mature and grow into who He has created us to be, all for our good and all for His glory. 

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing!" Isaiah 43:19

The Blanket

As I’ve sorted through our baby things, deciding what to give to friends, what to donate and what to tuck away for keepsakes, my heart ached as I held onto the well-worn flannel receiving blankets that have swaddled each of our little ones.  Treasured within the soft linen were memories of those first days and months when our babies began their lives.  These blankets were thrown over our shoulders as we’d gently pat their backs and help ease their bellies.  Blankets that each baby was wrapped perfectly in by Daddy to remind them of the closeness they knew within my womb.  They were faded and stained and the sweet smell of innocence still lingered.  I held them close, remembering those precious moments.  As our little ones have grown, some of these were used by our girl to wrap up her baby dolls as she’d take the role of mama and fill it so well.  They’ve wrapped a cat or two, been used for capes and made their way through each stage as we’ve tried to keep up with the fleeting days.  This mama who doesn’t hang on to much, couldn’t bear the thought of letting them go so I tucked them away. 

One day when our town was buried in over two feet of snow, I pulled them out again.  Among these I also had one that was my husband's when he was a baby and one that had been mine.  I didn’t want these blankets to be stored away for memories to be recalled later.  There were still memories to be made.  I decided to stitch them together, just as our family has been. 

Beings that I’m not an experienced seamstress I laid it out on our kitchen table how I wanted it to end up and stared, confused and scared to mess it up.  I debated on whether or not I should do it or if I should pass it on to any number of well-able seamstresses I know.  I called in my husband and asked him for advice on what to do and as usual he gave me a place to start and helped me each time I would get stuck.  At one point we had it clamped to the doorway to hang straight so I could pin it.  I even sewed the wrong ends together and had to strip several feet of seam and begin again. One by one I pieced our blankets together and called on my mom and quilter-friend when I needed their advice.  Somehow in the midst of all my mistakes it was still coming together and turning out better than I had imagined. 

This blanket…

There is unevenness where I wanted straight lines.

There are bumps where I wanted it to be smooth.

             Mistakes were made and there are tears hidden beneath view.

             It isn’t by a professional but by one whose heart is swollen with love.

             There are memories laced in the fading and stains. 

             It isn’t perfect but it is ours.

As I was carefully and slowly finishing the seams and nearing being completed, I realized how much this blanket compared to mamahood.  I started out much the same way when our first son was born, confused and fearful of not getting it right.  In many ways I’d ask my husband, who had more experience with babies than I, what to do next.  Many things involved in this role that I could have passed on to outside help, to others who may be more qualified, experienced or knowledgeable than I, but things that by the grace of God I have been able to fill for my family.  We haven’t done it all the typical way, we’ve had to make our own path, find what has worked for us and find where God has willed us.  We’ve utterly messed up, got it all wrong and have had to seemingly start again.  I am daily brought to my knees pleading for help and asking advice from a Father who knows the depths of their hearts far greater than I.  

There is a God piecing together the story of our lives into His Bigger Story. 

                There will be unevenness but He will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:6)

                There will be bumps but He will make rough places smooth.  (Isa. 45:2)

                Mistakes will be made and hearts will be torn but He is close to those hidden in Him. (Ps 34:18)

                A story made by the Creator of all things, the Father whose hearts is swollen with love for His Children.

                Embrace the worn-in, weary, stained places that have brought you where you are.

                This life isn’t perfect, but it is ours to live.    

He is creating a beautiful masterpiece within yours…

 

When We Don't Know What to Pray

Months ago the whole lot of us knelt in the auditorium to get on our knees and intercede for a family that just suffered through a tragic accident.  There was just one problem I had: I couldn’t pray for this one family when my heart so heavily burdened with others.  To be honest, at that point all I could really do was kneel and weep inside. 

Days before we left for this week long conference, our friends got the news that their young niece was diagnosed with an in-operable brain tumor.  She was 6.  The same age as our daughter. 

While at the conference we got news that a dear woman in our church was diagnosed with cancer.

And this word, this disease, this diagnosis had repeatedly came up in the weeks that followed.

Every one of them being part our larger “family”, our family of believers, and it has affected our lives greatly.  I prayed the typical prayers but they felt empty, they felt routine and these precious people needed more than religious prayers. 

As I knelt that day and surrendered my own religious prayers, I asked God

What do you desire that I pray for?  What would you have me pray on behalf of these people who desperately need you and who need hope?

And I waited.  There on the hard floor next to my husband, in a room full of those bent at the throne of grace, His whisper came:

The eternal. 

God’s will is that we overcome and find life even when our earthly answer is death.  It was His Son who died so that even in facing earthly death, His people would overcome it and be alive for all eternity.  When we are at the end of ourselves, when we can’t see the light, we simply need to pray for the Light.  We may not know how to pray for those things that utterly break our hearts, but there is a God who knows, who sees, who comes close through our suffering.  When we can’t find an answer or a way, we turn to The Answer and The Way.   

There may be healing, there may not be.  There may been a quick recovery, there may be a long road to heal. There may be a breakthrough, there may be a breaking. 

But in all this, there is the possibility of an eternal outcome. 

An eternal outcome is the most important thing we could petition God for.

Jesus came to break every chain, to leave the grave empty, to heal the sick and lame.  He will do that, God will fulfill every promise to every believer whose life has been ransomed by Christ.

We may not see that or understand that here on earth but there is eternity set in the hearts of those who believe in these Truth’s.  There is a greater Story, a greater Plan.   May all that we go through – in joy and in sorrow – may we be making deposits into the Kingdom, setting our eyes on eternity and trusting in a Sovereign God who is faithful to His Promises. 

“You turned my wailing into dancing;

you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,

that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.

O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever.”

Psalm 30:11-12

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

Psalm 34:18


"His perfect love could not be overcome
Death where is your sting
Our resurrected King has rendered you defeated"
"Forever" by Kari Jobe
(click on lyrics to view music video)