It wasn’t planned and the decision wasn’t extraordinary, it
was just a typical day and a realization that it was finally time. Months ago we talked about how the day would
soon come, we anticipated it and came real close to going through with it but
it just wasn’t time and deep down inside my mama heart I didn’t want to rush
it. Life caught up with us, our attention
was consumed with big boy undies, dashes to the potty and over-exuberant cheers
of victory. In the midst of it all, the
changing table stayed right where it has been for three years – taking up much
of the one bathroom that five of us share, holding washcloths, wipes and
whatever anyone decided to throw on it.
But one day, I knew it was time and that we didn’t need it
anymore.
The moving of the changing table came as a great relief
until I began to scrub the wall behind it.
In that moment, in a pile of dust and random objects, the memories came
flooding. I remembered the moment it was
given to us and how I imagined all the sweet-smelling babies it would
hold. With each swelling of my belly, I
would anxiously, tediously set things in place upon it in preparation of their
lives filling our own. It was there through
the late nights and long days, the dirtiest of messes and the added-up hours of
leaning in close to smell soft skin. It
was where our babies would coo and squirm as we’d “ooo and awe.” As they grew they would crawl up to the top
to get a little closer as they’d tell us stories. They’d stand on top to admire haircuts and wait
for kisses.
So much life and love had happened surrounding the changing
table. I sat down on a stool, looking around
at a bathroom now completely undone in the process of change and in that moment
joy and sorrow abided. As my mama heart
went through snapshots and years gone by, the gentle whisper came that this
really is going to be alright, that better things are ahead and life requires
adjusting from time to time. God was
using this picture of a parenthood milestone to give me a glimpse at the
transition He’s asking us to make in our lives.
Parenting is a thing I could understand from my human
perspective. Our children are growing
and in that there is out-growing of things they once needed, things we depended
on to care for them and raise them. Many
memories were made in those years of raising babies but much is to be
anticipated as we transition out of the baby-phase of parenting. Even as my heart aches at those days becoming
only memories, I am rejoicing at the beauty of my children growing strong and
the changing roles we take on as parents as they do.
For months, God has been working in our hearts to trust Him
beyond a perspective we can understand.
He was asking us to let go of things that we once depended on and in
ways needed, places where there was certainly life and love surrounding, but
places that were now in the way. There’s
an eternal perspective that we can’t quite grasp due to our humanness, a
perspective that requires faith and trust in a God who knows our hearts and
everything that we need.
This day on a bathroom floor, in the midst of undoing I saw
my heart. A heart that has allowed God
to mold and shape, to move out big things to make more room for Him, to rearrange
and shift but also one that can get anxious in the process. A heart that at times can slam to door shut
and scream “WAIT! Are you sure?” as though God is anything other than
sure.
How silly it would have been for me to get up from that
stool, get the changing table and place it back claiming I wasn’t ready for my
children to outgrow it and that I liked the way it restricted our space. What would I have looked like if I took all
the things set aside to throw away and put them back, let the dust cling fast
to the wall and slumped down in pride that I got it all back where it once was? Instead I rose up from the stool and continued forward. I cleaned.
I purged. I made room. Not only in our bathroom but in my heart. I decided that my small steps of considering when the day
would come were no longer enough.
“A child
of God is never out of the notice of God” – Pastor Tom Sprowls, Jr.
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!” Isaiah 43:19
It is time. Time to let go of the old, to allow memories to be enough
and to open our hearts to changing. Although
we may not fully understand and it may look like an upheaval of a mess, it’s
time to trust that there is freedom because of the process. It is time
to have confidence in a Father who will meet our every need as we adjust our
lives to what He’s calling us to. Time
to believe that the same God who spoke creation into existence is creating
another chapter of our story.
There comes a time in all our lives when we can choose to stay in what we know or embrace the unknown where God calls. A place that requires adjusting and changing, possibly unknown to us but certainly known to Him. A place that is good, wholesome and revives the soul.
And without planning and no extraordinary measures, you somehow just know it is time.
“My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.” Psalm 121:2
"She wasn't born for greatness, she didn't go to school for it, she just learned that sometimes God has a plan so big only He can see it and all she had to do was believe.. yep, she was just a regular kid, just like you.”
-Veggie Tales
The kids were watching this movie as I was finishing writing and this was what I heard in the background. That may just be extraordinary...
