WalMart, Pajamas and Grace

I’m outnumbered every day.  When my husband leaves for work, there’s three tiny bodies with big, big lives filling up our home and one mama trying to keep up. This season, of having little ones that depend on you for most everything, is a rough one.  Yes, it is extremely rewarding with hugs and snuggles and being wanted, with seeing them grow and their personalities shine, but it is extremely exhausting.               

I used to be brave enough to take my kids along for grocery trips, but since having our third it doesn’t happen much anymore.  My husband and I loaded the kids up and went to WalMart.  They were worn out from the holiday and so were we but it was a trip we needed to take and for the most part everything was going smoothly.  We were on our way to check out, anxious to leave, and we forgot cereal.  My husband walked to the back of the store to pick it up while the kids and I continued on.  There we were, men’s clothing on one side and what seemed to be one-thousand-tempting-displays-of-sweets on the other.  I felt like a walking circus, as though the store hired me to be their customers’ source of entertainment for the evening.  It was ten minutes of out-numbering that seemed like an eternity.  Our youngest was protesting about being confined to the cart, he wanted Daddy back and he wasn’t going to wait.  Now we were wrestling.  Our oldest was admiring the sweets, laughing as he said “what about this one mom?”  He knew I was stressed and was trying to relieve me but it was having the opposite effect.  Then there was our little girl, she was dancing in her own world, carefree of who was watching, what was surrounding her or of anything else.  She twirled down the aisle as I directed her each time a cart needed to pass.  Her dancing was sweet but I couldn’t play the role of traffic director for much longer.  Ahead of us were two elderly women looking at pajamas right in the middle of the aisle.  They were unsteady on their feet and I surely didn’t want to risk squeezing pass them in what little room we had.  At the sound of my “traveling circus” they both looked up and watched us draw closer.  I rounded the kids close to the cart, which was more like corralling chickens and we stepped off to the side.  The ladies watched and to my surprise, smiles spread across their faces. 

 Grace. 

They walked on by, and as pleased as could be one turned to me and said “How are you doing Mom?!”  My heart was instantly relieved at their free giving of understanding, of kindness, of patience in two simple smiles and a few kind words.   I wanted to remember their glistening eyes, wide smiles and the one woman’s gentle voice.  I wanted to remember the grace that she passed to me in one quick exchange.  Because one day, when my kids aren’t so small, I will pass a mama with her hands and heart full.  I don’t want to treat her and her children as an inconvenience to me and my schedule, as so many do.  Because you see, us mamas of little ones do have our hands full and we are often outnumbered.  

You may wonder why she brought the kids along or why she doesn’t have help.  I have a loving and more-than-helpful husband but that other mama you may pass may be going it alone.  Maybe her and her husband work different shifts to help with the cost of childcare.  Maybe she doesn’t have a reliable support system.  She may be silently wishing she could have come shopping alone because it would be so much easier and faster that way.  I’ve done it before.

You may wonder why the kids aren’t in bed, but maybe this is the only opportunity she has to shop.  Maybe, just maybe, she chose to go late to avoid the glares of inconvenienced shoppers.  I’ve done it before. 

You think she could have at least got out of her pajamas but maybe she hasn’t had time to do laundry.  Maybe she chose to spend time helping with homework or singing a lullaby instead of bent over a washer.  Maybe she wore all her decent clothes earlier that week and spends little on herself in order to care for her kids.  Maybe she has had a week of sleepless nights and literally forgot to get dressed before leaving the house.  I’ve done it before. 

You judge her parenting because her kids are whining and loud but maybe it’s been a hard day for all of them.  Maybe they are well-behaved children who are simply having a bad day.  Maybe mama did appear a little more like a raging bull instead of the tender-hearted parent she is, maybe she’s stressed and exhausted.  I’ve done it before.

I’ve been “that” mama so many times, because it’s part of being a mama.  My kids have been “those kids” so many times, because it’s part of being a kid.  Whether it’s a mama or a dad – us parents are far from perfect.  And I don’t ever want to forget it.  Whether it’s a boy or a girl, an only child or a “quiver full” – those kiddos are far from perfect.  And I don’t ever want to forget it. 

Maybe that parent and those kids are everything you assume they may be – maybe they don’t mind that they haven’t showered in a week and wear their pajamas out of the house.  Maybe they do spend their money on habits when it would be more wisely spent on childcare.  Maybe they wouldn’t come close to receiving a “parent-of-the-year” award and possibly not even come close to the running.  Maybe their kids haven’t been taught respect and manners.  But even then, does this give us reason to judge them, dismiss them, to insist they should have never had children?  But we do.  And these are the parents who need us to rise above the most.

Parents of little ones don’t need our judgmental attitudes, our gossiping tongue, or our inconvenienced glares.  They need gentleness, reassurance, a little bit (no, a lot) of encouragement and more than anything, a tangible Jesus.   They need us to be like Him, to reach them in their worst and through the ugly, mess of it all to lend a hand and help a heart.

The next time you see that pajama-mama, give her a smile, lend her a hand, hold a door, return her cart, let her know she’s doing a good job, please find a way to extend grace.  Your choice of grace just may change her day, change her heart, change that families world. 

"Generous hands are blessed hands."  Proverbs 22:9

"Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up."  1 Thessalonians 5:11

Treasure in the Dirty Places

It’s a mama’s worst nightmare – the dirt filled spaces beneath the cupboards, the oven, the fridge, and in the cushions of the couch.  Those places that might label us as less-than, as a failure or a mess.  The spaces that we often forget when we clean house.  The areas that are just too hard to get to.  The places where no one looks, possibly out of respect, but maybe also out of fear of just what may be found!  But we’ve all had at least one time when a visitor was searching for a lost set of keys, or something of the sort, and dared to lift the cushion...and as the cushion lifted, we can remember vividly how our hearts seemed to pause, waiting for the horror to be revealed:  would it simply be a coin they found or would it be a melted chocolate bar or something even worse?!  I bet that no matter what they saw, you probably shared a good laugh and I bet they came over again.  Why? 

Because it’s completely normal.

It’s one of his favorite things to do, he gets the flashlight and searches for anything worth finding.  He laid flat out on the floor and looked under everything intently.  I watched and felt my heart well with joy at his innocence. 

He was treasure hunting.  In the dirty places.

My boy wasn’t searching the toy box we just cleaned up, he was looking in the places I would rather turn a blind eye toward.  He pointed and repeated “ball, ball, mom-mom, ball,” as he excitedly beckoned me to pull it out for him.   I got down on my knees and looked past all the…well…you know, and got the ball for my precious child. 

Oh, how my heart needed the simple words He whispered.  I’ve been in such desperate need of His grace, of His forgiveness and of His love.  Yet I feel so unworthy as the “dirt-filled” places of my heart are revealed as His Holy light shines like a flood-light. I want to take all the times I raise my voice, lose my temper, and fall disturbingly short and brush them somewhere no one else can see.  But there’s almost always the eyes of those I love the most.  Little lives looking for an example to follow and reflecting that which they are given.  There’s a husband who just lavishes love upon this heart who is anything but deserving of it.  I am guilty of being imperfect, of most-often feeling as though I have nothing to offer and fearing that somehow I will let Him down.  I want to hide it, to cover it all and invite Him into a heart that is put-together, that pleases Him with good works and good words and feels like I have something good to offer.

But the Truth is that He wants none of that. 

          He didn’t come for my good works. 

          He didn’t come for the good words I want to speak. 

          He didn’t come for the times I feel good and feel like opening up my heart to Him.   

No, He came for it all. 

Because He alone is good.  It is His strength that is made perfect in my weakness.  It is His mercy that is made new every morning.  It is His grace that is sufficient.  What pleases Him most is when I lay down my life for His sake.  Not when I pick it all up and simply hand Him pieces that, from my earth-bound perspective, may fit sufficiently into His eternal plan.  Somehow I lose sight of the cross and I try to be god of my own life, planning and tidying places that can only be washed by His blood.  Un-necessary striving in a work that's already been completed on the cross.

 It is in the willingly open heart that beauty can be found.  The life that is laid at the foot of the cross to be used by the God who was willing to send His Only Son and pour grace over our aching souls.  Grace that says we are enough, even in the broken and fallen state we are in.  We are good because of His goodness. 

 Just like my boy was seeking through all the dirty, hidden places to find the treasure of a blue ball, our God seeks us.  He looks through all the muck and mire, the places no one else dare to look, the places where shame and guilt dwell.  His light floods it until treasure is found.  He is the One who makes all things new, who relentlessly seeks the lost and finds treasure in the most unexpected places.  He sees our hearts in the condition they are in, honestly, vulnerably and He loves us just the same.   

Because those dirty places?  Those places we think only we keep hidden? 

Well, they are completely normal.

They are part of this fallen world and we all have them.  What matters most is what we choose to do with them.  Will we stay hidden and settle for a life of less-than?  Or will we trust in His goodness and lay it all before Him as a treasure to be found by the Most-High, Holy King?  As His light dispels the darkness of our hearts, we shine for Him.  We no longer hang our heads with veiled faces, hoping no one notices or sees us for who we are.  It is through Him that we are made whole, where our confidence is placed and where we find life to the full.   He comes close to His precious children and He shows us the places that need His touch and that’s where the treasure is found.  It’s where the most brilliant stones lay waiting. 
 

 

“The LORD does not look at the things people look at. 

People look at outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”  1 Samuel 16:7

 

"For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost."  Luke 19:10

“Let your light so shine before men that they may see your moral excellence and your praiseworthy, noble, and good deeds and recognize and honor and praise and glorify your Father who is in heaven.” Matthew 5:16 AMP

I Am Sought After

He comes home to a mama who is worn out from a day of outnumbering.  A mama whose likely not showered, whose hair is all undone and tangled, whose clothes are worn.  A mama whose exhaustion can get the best of her words, whose hunger tends to speak out of turn, whose let her guard down and allowed all the ugly to seep right out of her heart.  But that’s just this mama’s perspective.  Because when you look at it from the view of the man walking through the door – he is coming home to what is his, what is treasured, what matters the most. 

He does it almost every time – seeks after me, like a man of the field whose gaze is held by the amazing creation of his God.  When the door or the curtain closes, he opens them wide, looking for his lover, longing for a moment.  When my heart is troubled and my eyes ready to weep, he simply says it, a few simple words and the flood of it all pours out.  He just looks back at me, compassionately letting the rushing waters pass until the stillness comes and I am me again and I can breathe.  When my thousand words come up short and leave me searching, he whispers one single line that shatters the darkness.  He finds me in a room full and he draws me ever so close, where comfort is found and felt. 

Somehow he looks past all that is distracting in the present places and sees a beauty that is held only for him.  He seeks the treasure that is always changing, because his love for me refuses to change.  As my body stretches and scars and wears, like a seeker, he holds it like something more precious than gold.   Through the mess, he finds a life lived at his side: through the better and through the worse; a life who has held life and who has let go of life – lives we’ve loved, lives we’ve created, life as we have known it time and again.  He finds unpolished nails of the one who is far from polished in any way – but whose hands gently tend to their young, bake his meals, trace the lines of his palms, and knead the aches in his back.  He finds the real me under all the layers of ugly pride and defiance.  And when life throws a wall our way and we hit it straight on, his is the hand whose grasps mine and reaches out to God. 

All this searching for me that he has done relentlessly for the past fourteen years, this pursuit he is on that he will not give up on, it’s done by grace because I don’t deserve it.  I don’t often feel like a treasure worth being uncovered, unearthed.  But it’s how he sees me, the real me and I don't need to deserve it because it's something he chooses to give. 

 

It was all resting right under the surface, but it wasn't yet clear.  I knew God was trying to speak through this man I love so dearly but so many other voices were too loud and I couldn’t hush them.  Then in the darkness of the night, he did it, he spoke it, the river ran and maybe peace could be found. 

Then it came, highlighted in pink, underlined in blue, to get it across and speak it loud, God seeking this unsettled heart:

                “For the Lord delights in you and will claim you as his own.”

                                                                                Isaiah 62:4

My heart breathed deep the sigh of relief, because in the mess of it all, through all the questions and wonderings and wanderings – our God seeks.  He seeks us, delights in us and claims us as his own. 

I read on, because I couldn’t read enough, the words kept coming, the hope kept flooding and then the last verse of 62 stopped me, pounded through my heart, it breathed life into the silence.  The words that whispered louder than everything else, that brought all that I had been seeing into the open and made it clear:

                “They will be called a Holy People, the Redeemed of the LORD;
                                and you will be called Sought After…”

                                                                                Isaiah 62:12

I am Sought After.

Not only by my husband, but by the God of the Universe.  The God who seeks me even more passionately than the fierce passion of my love, my love who loves me straight like a Song of Songs.  The God whose entire love letter to us all is written from Genesis to Revelation, every word breathed upon in love and mercy. 

You are Sought After.

You may not feel like one worthy of a seeker, but you have One and He is relentless in His pursuit.  Yes, relentless in chasing after that heart inside of yourself that feels like it can barely beat one more time.  He sees right past all the things that have messed us up, have undone us thoroughly and He finds a treasure worth finding.  His pursuit is not something we can earn or one that few of us deserve, it is something He longs to freely give to each one willing to be found.

You are worthy of a Seeker. 

Worthy of being discovered and treasured. 

Worthy of being found. 

             

“For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost.”

                                                                        Luke 19:10

“…can you imagine the breathtaking recovery life makes, sovereign life, in those who grasp with both hands this wildly extravagant life-gift, this grand setting-everything-right, that the one man Jesus Christ provides?”

                                                                                                 Romans 5:17

I got into the car for a quick trip to the store.  It was a rare occasion when I could be found by myself and just like the man who, when I’m alone, finds me to capture a moment, there He was.  His voice whispering and being heard.  His words singing the anthem of where my heart rests:

              “I believe everything that You say You are

                I believe and I have seen Your unchanging heart
                In the good things and in the hardest part

                              I believe and I will follow You
                              I believe and I will follow You.”

                                                                                   "I Will Follow" by Jon Guerra

Breathe in, be still and let yourself be found
             by the One Savior who bears the scars of death overcome to bring you life,
             by the One Faithful Father who holds you as the apple of His eye,
             by the One Mighty King who is sovereign and claims you as His own, 

You are Sought After. 



Listen to "I Will Follow You" here

 

The Grace In Grief

It’s been months of turning and bending and some days of breaking.  There’s been plenty going on, plenty of good things, a huge harvest to be preserved physically, but what about spiritually?  I’ve been wrestling God for weeks because in the midst of everything else has been this grieving process that has left such a scar on my heart. 

I’ve received more calls over the years than I can count telling me he was in the hospital.  But the call that came that cold spring day as we stood in line for the parade was different.  I knew. 

I’ve been through gut-wrenching loss before and there’s a similar pattern, a way we survive it and make it through.  Each time bitter weeping followed the news, a moment when emotions overwhelmed and sorrow sank deep. 

               It happened when my Dad called unusually early and told me my brother was gone. 

It happened with one word from my midwife.  “Miscarriage.”

               And it happened when I knew deep down that my dear uncle’s time was drawing near.

But we can’t stay weeping.  The weeping turns to shock as we take a moment to breathe and realize the reality of our lives being changed by a dying we did not ask for, plan for and frankly weren't ready to face.  It doesn’t matter how much “planning” or “readying” we do, nothing prepares us for death.  We were not created for it.  The shock is a sort of anesthetic to the soul that helps us put one foot in front of the other and keep moving after our world seems to come to a crashing halt.

We can easily be numbed by the shock, we can become detached and distant.  This period is where the enemy sets a trap and we most often fall into his lies and whispers of darkness.  We must know truth through the shock.  Truth that tells us we are not alone, that this is not something God has done to punish us, that His love for us in constant and never-changing, that there will be new mercies and joy again.   We must push through and find divine strength to be present.  Because those moments are some of the most sacred – moments when we soak it in, when we understand our humanness, when we allow ourselves to be carried. 

     "It is of the LORD's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. 

          They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness."  Lamentations 3:22-23

A period of guilt often follows when the could-have-been’s and should-have-been’s seem to linger.  Somehow we think we could have done something different and the sting would not be so harsh.  We turn over ways we could have relieved the ache before it ever occurred.  It’s a small way we cling to try to control the sovereign, as though we could have changed something, anything that would’ve offered relief or eased our minds.  Soon enough it’s realized there’s nothing we could have done differently.

The sorrow we once felt gives way, at times, to anger as we wrestle to understand why and to let go of the illusion of control that we can’t grasp.  We question God and His ways, possibly His existence.  Faith is shaken and it’s a critical time when most turn away from their Father who is ready and waiting with open arms.  We must turn toward Him, go to Him with our questions and our doubts, our fears and the burdens we bear.  It’s at the foot of the cross where we find this gift we are desperately seeking yet know not to ask for.   Our hearts crave it in every way, more so through the desperation of days marked by grief:

Grace.

After the death of my brother, I sought to find peace of mind.  The guilt of could-have-been’s weighed on my heart like a burden too heavy to bear.

There are days, and likely will always be days where I once again need to turn it over.   Where healing is found in the continued process of laying it down at the cross every time I pick it up again. 

When we do our best with our days given, shining a light for Him and standing firm in our faith as we live in the truth of our belief in His Son – He is pleased, it is enough. 

His grace covers where we fall short. 

After the death of my babies, I questioned God for years, I sought healing where it could not be found and I pushed my hurt hard away as I tried to move on. 

When I turned it over to a God who understood the loss of a child, whose only Son bears the scars for my very existence, that’s when it changed for me.  I no longer needed answers because I was walking with the Answer.  

When we turn to Him through our deepest sorrows a peace floods our soul, our longings turn away from the need to understand and turn to a longing for Christ. 

His grace fills the areas that were left empty, His grace heals the brokenhearted.

And now, after the death of my uncle, a man who was a constant pillar of my faith and my life, I have wrestled with God.  In His loving ways, He has allowed it.  Much within me wants to cling to the present, to selfishly want him back, to pluck him out of the arms of His Savior. Although my life is changed by this man’s passing – God’s love is unchanging, His promise holds true through the fleeting days of our lives on earth. 

As I wrestle and pick up to push through, His grace comes like a flood to my soul.  He speaks in ways that only a Sovereign God who is All-Knowing and All-Loving could do.  Every doubt covered by His words, every longing filled by His presence, pushing me forward and into what I know and what I love.

His grace allows us to embrace the change that comes after loss.  Because of His constant love and tender mercy toward His children, we are able to fall apart and find our way back again.  His grace covers our short-comings as we walk out our faith and wrestle with all that is Christ within us.

His grace draws us near to be held by the One who carries us through.

Grief is not something you get over, it is not something that time heals.  Grief is something Christ only can heal and it is something that by His grace we can get through.  Grief has many stages, and although the stages are harmful if we linger in them, they have the seeds that when sown can one day becoming a bountiful harvest.   While grief has a way of changing and shifting, God is the Great I Am who does not dwell in stages but in a light that penetrates all the darkness of what death brings.  It is He who overcame death once and for all who causes us to hope, who floods our souls with peace and who covers us with His grace.

Jesus.

“The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor.  He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted…to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.”  Isaiah 61:1-3

The Name above all Names that removes our grief:

                                     the poorness,

                                            the breaking of our hearts,

                                                   the mourning, the ashes

                                                          and every spirit of despair whose desire is to take us out.

 

 

The One who overcame so that we could live fully alive in Him:

                        who brought good news,

                                   who binds up our wounds,

                                         who comes close to comfort our aching hearts,

                           and who provides for those of us who grieve –

                                            bestowing beauty,

                                                   filling us with joy unspeakable

                                                          and giving us strength and desire to praise through life's storms.

Jesus.

He is the grace within our grief.

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are – yet did not sin.  Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may received mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”  Hebrews 4:15-16   

Wedding Day Letter from God

I created each of you,

Even before you were formed, I knew you and I set you apart.  Then I placed each of you in your mother’s womb, with a plan and purpose, to give you hope and a future.  Your hearts have prayed, have sought and have found.  And today, you will become one.
                                                               One life, one love, one journey Home.

Never underestimate my power through your lives.  Your strength comes with unity - alone you were once easily overpowered, now together you will be able to defend yourselves, but a cord of three strands is not easily broken.  Keep Me at the center of your marriage and all that you do.  I will be your strong shield, your protector.  I, myself, will go before you and will be with.  I will never leave you nor forsake you.

Keep in mind that just as you are human, so is the one at your side.  Today your love for one another is welling up within you, but there will be times when each of you will fall short.  When discouragement and disappointment come, when it is hard to find the love that you feel so abundantly today - look to Me.  I am the Unchanging One, the One who will not fail you, my mercies never come to an end.  I am the Source and Provider of the love that you have.  I have instilled it as a gift into your heart when you found one another, I have grown it and made it what it is today.  And I have much more for you - a storehouse, an abundance of riches.  It is because I first loved you, so much as to give my only Son, that you are able and will continue to be able to love one another with the same sacrificial love.

The love you have found, when rooted in Me is a safe place.  You should keep no record of wrongs but always extend forgiveness and grace just as I have lavished it upon you.  Freely give as I have freely given to you.  If one of you should stray, may the other humbly and gently bring you back into my embrace.  In doing so, you will save each other from destruction and cover over a multitude of sins.

When troubles and hard times come, when your stretched thin and when my heart breaks at the sight of most others walking out, may you allow those times to bring you all the more closer - closer to one another and to Me.  I will be faithful to light your path.  I am the Creator of the wind and the waves, they obey my Voice and at my command I can calm any raging storm that you face.  Should I allow you to go through it, I will sustain you, I will comfort you and provide for you so long as you remain in Me.  There will also be temptations ahead, I am already there and I promise you that I have already provided a way out of each one.
I want you to understand fully that it does not take a house of gold to build a home.  It takes a strong, and firm foundation, one only I can help you build.  If you choose to build it any other way, it will blow like a tumbleweed in the wind or come crashing to the ground the moment it faces danger.  But build your home and your love upon Me and my teaching, a solid rock, then through the torrents of rain and floodwaters you will stand.  When others enter your home, be an extension of my hand toward them.  This will allow all who enter to experience My love overflowing from your hospitality into their very own lives.  Those who need me and that I send you way, can find Me through you.  Keep the doors of your home and your hearts open and I will have an open door ahead of you that no man can close.

Follow the path that leads to my eternal riches, there are inheritantly yours, they have been handed down from the generations before you.  From the fathers and mothers, the grandparents, the aunts and uncles, the pastors, the friends and the family that have loved you, have shed tears over you, have sacrificed their own wants for you and have stormed my gates in prayer over your lives and who will continue to do so.  May your life together be a life that outlives you both, one that takes on the likeness of Christ and hands the treasures you will find down to the next generation to come.

Remember this day that you are no longer two but now made one, a sacred union that has been bestowed upon you.  Do not take this miraculous occurrence for granted.  Do not compare this gift to others around you, instead keep your eyes steadily fixed on Me, embracing the unique love that I have so abundantly blessed you with.  Every step you take forward together should be a choice to lay yourselves down for the sake of love.  To set aside you own wants and desires to walk along the narrow path, leading to life, hand in hand.  May your love be one that stays right where it began, at the altar.  Never giving up on one another, always keeping your hearts tender toward each other and toward Me.

When you seek Me, you will find Me, when you seek Me will all your heart.  I will teach you My ways and keep your hearts undivided - bound together and also bound to Mine.  May your love be simple: simply grounded and rooted in My love, simple given and simply shared.

A love that soaks it in, every blessed moment, for better or worse until the day you’re called Home.

Be one another’s best friend.  Never give up.  Always look for the best.

Trust Me steadily, hope unswervingly and love extravagantly,
                                                                             God.

Gen 1:27, Psalm 129:13, Jere 29:11, Mark 10:8, Col 3:14, Ecc 4:12, Psalm 18:2, Deut 31:8, Rom 3:23, Psalm 136, Deut 31:8, Rom 3:23, Lam 3:22, John 15:9-16, 1 John 4:10-11, 1 John 4:16, Psalm 46:1 MSG, Col 2:7, Eph 3:17-18, 1 Cor 13:4-8, Eph 1:7-9 ESV, Matt 10:8, James 5:19-20, Psalm 119:105,  Matt 8:27, Psalm 18:35, 1 Cor 10:13, Luke 6:42, Psalm 127:1, 1 Th 3:12, Phil 1:9-11, Rev 3:8, Matt 6:20,  Eph 1:11, Psalm 100:5, Ex 20:6, Deut 6:6-9, Heb 12:2, John 15:13, Mark 8:34, Matt 7:14, Jere 29:12, Ez 11:19, Psalm 86:11, 1 Cor 13:13 MSG

Life to the Full

We spend so much wasted time trying to make a good name for ourselves.  In today’s world of technology almost anyone can do it, anyone can spread the word of who they are and why they feel they deserve to be recognized at the highest of standards.  It’s not hard to make a façade to present to a watching world while you hide in the magnitude of your sins.  Many are making a way for bigger and better, walking along the wide path that leads to destruction.  And what for?  The things along that path all fade away, they are all replaced one day by someone or something.  Maybe a few names get a monument or a plaque or a town named after them, but who were they?

I’m guilty of it too.  We’re all guilty of it.  I was once so busy trying to make a name ‘for God’ that I forgot the Jesus I was to be right here in my home.  I was focused on the “big” and the “meaningful” that I lost sight of what really mattered.  Because even in good works with the best of intentions we can veer of course.

It was only days ago that her and I talked about the everyday, little things that brought him to mind.  After months of him not being here it may finally be setting in.  But in those little messages back and forth throughout the weeks of times we’ve thought of him, found a note from him or just had to have a moment at the loss of him, we realized a little more about how to live.

He did things the world would claim as great, but he didn’t do them for the world.  He changed lives across the nation for Christ’s sake.  Every testimony that’s broadcasted almost daily of a life changed through Teen Challenge, brings the beginning work of his time and talent to mind.  A work that goes unrecognized and that continues to grow and be the work that guides the lost back to their Savior.  Countless ways and times he has set aside himself to follow the One he loved so dearly.

But what I remember of him wasn’t big or grand or across the nation: it was simple.  It was his big blue van faithfully picking me up to go for a visit to my childhood favorite place; his “old people hands” counting six toes on each foot; his lap holding me as we drew the silliest of pictures; the hours on end that he would let me pretend to be the teacher as I made up a classroom; the games and the rides and the walks.  As I became a teen it was his guidance my dad would go to; it was him who saw the change in my heart and made the trip to tell me how proud they were;  they were there every prom, every birthday, every day even as I grew.  His voice was the one who would call to check in; his heart was the one who really knew how his baby girl was;  his eyes were the old gray ones that would look to my husband and express how thankful he was for him; his frail arms would hold each of my babies, always reminding me of the five I wished for.

It was the simple, every day things that he did to pour out love to a child so much in need.

To me, he changed the world.  He changed my world.

So as she and I would go back and forth making our way through the grief of this man who has been there all our lives, we realized how necessary and important the every day,  seemingly mundane, simple acts of love are in this life.  It’s how we find life to the full.  We fill it every day with moments of  putting others first, of going out of our way to help another, of being content with being second, of making room for His glory through us, of bowing low to lift Him up high.   All these things done even when no one is watching, even if it’s only one life we change.  We find life to the full by filling it in every place He has us be.

When we find and live the life to the full that God has for us, it is then that our lives spill over long after we are gone.  

Count your blessings.  Bless Him through it all.
Live simply.  Love extravagantly.

“I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”  John 10:10

Each Day At a Time

I prayed over his little self as he fell back asleep, the littlest one who turned his cheeks and glanced up at me before closing his blue eyes.  He looked just like he did the day I held him close in the hospital, brand new, breathing it all in with my heart overflowing over a year ago.  It seemed like yesterday.  He’s the third and with each one time just keeps going faster.  I can’t keep up with them and the days that seem, in the moment to drag on forever, are gone in the blink of an eye.   So I prayed, then I thought of not only him but all of them.

The blonde haired, freckle faced little “sister” who was the baby of the whole lot of us cousins will be putting on her white gown, holding her Daddy’s arm and walking down the aisle in just a few days.  The ones now driving.  The graduate.  The Navy boy.

And then there’s my own.  Knowing that our oldest only has a few more years of this curious, wild-eyed, boyhood left.  Our sweet little princess who just twirls and twirls in her dresses and still splashes in the puddles.  And our baby boy.  How does a Mama do it?  How does she take it all in and even then, how does she survive it?  How does she make it through raising them and how does she let go?

As I was reminded of my calling to these lives I counted the years left of school.   17 years of being their teacher ahead of me.  All those years to remain steadfast and strong, to teach and to mold and to help them become each their own.  The majority of my days for all those years to raise them to go out into the world as a light for Him. 

Who am I?

I ask the same words as Moses (Exodus 3:11).  Beg God to tell me who I am to have the honor and the privilege to grow and birth and raise three of His children.  In His love and grace, He gently reminds me of the very words my hand wrote on the red paper for the graduate:

 

“Never be afraid to fail, you are capable of so much more than you know.

And God is ABLE.

Remain rooted and grounded in Him.

Change the world pretty girl, one heart at a time.”

 

It’s not about who I am at all.  It’s about Who He Is.

As I imagined the day they will drive, graduate, marry, I echoed the words of my friend: “I’m not ready for that yet.”  You may be quick to tell me I have plenty of time to get ready, but I don’t.  Because none of those mama’s were ready for their babies to fly the nest.  It is by the absolute grace of God that they allow it.  The meltdown came with the thought of it all, the milestones, the memories, the inability to grasp it or even understand it, the time that seems like it may never get here and the same that I know is only moments away. 

But as the overwhelming weight of it all felt like it just might consume me, He reminded me of the words I heard the Farmer say to the Navy boy as they parted ways:

"We take each day as it comes, it’s all we can do."

Each day as it comes.  For the Navy boy leaving again after a short visit home, to go back to the call to serve his country, his family, his God. 

Each day as it comes.  For the Farmer driving his love back to their farm, to the comforts of home and simplicity.  Where he serves his country, his family, his God. 

 
Each day as it comes.  For this Mama going back to a house still full.  The glorious mundane, where I serve my country, my family, my God. 

 

Because it is all we can do. 

He is the Great I AM who knows the how behind the seemingly impossible.   We stay rooted and grounded in the One who is able, and we serve with His Love, flowing through us and into every life around us. 

We serve our country: by our willingness to sacrifice our lives and enlist or by the raising up right of the ones who will come after us.

 

We serve our family: by giving and loving and being a light through the likeness of Christ in our thoughts, motives, actions and prayers.

We serve our God: by laying down our own, temporary lives to walk in His eternal plan. 

 All by His Amazing Grace.

Each day at a time, one heart at a time.

 

 

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

2 Corinthians 12:9