We're Fighting the Wrong Battle

You’re wrong, you know?  But they are too.  In fact we all have it wrong and we’re fighting the wrong battle.  There’s a clear division among our people, a spirit of hostility and arrogance.  One that insists on being right and has no tolerance for anything but his or her own personal view. We are a country divided by a line in the sand that has quickly escalated to a ditch that has proved itself ridden with the dead, dry bones of what once was our sense of dignity and respect for human life.   

This isn’t about “Pro-life” or “Pro-choice” human life either.  This is about each other. 

We’ve all seen endless feeds of marching, protests, riots and political, spiritual, personal views.  We’ve been bombarded with every emotion and forced to face the condition of a war being waged on each and every one of our hearts. It seems we’re all walking around raw, with walls built, ready to defend our stance as we expect to be criticized or judged without a moment’s notice. 

Whether or not you believe in your Creator, He was gracious enough to afford us the gift of choice.  Since the garden we’ve been making our own choices.  At times those choices have given us life and other times they have cost us our lives.  Those choices have had resulted in promises fulfilled and other times caused us to reap the consequences of our fallen-ness.   At no time in history or now has our Creator forced us into a decision or a certain way of life.  He offers us His best, and He honors those who are obedient and faithful, but He has never taken away their freedom to choose their path. 

Over the past few days I, just like all of us, have seen the endless flood of destruction we are causing ourselves as we drown in a sea of division.  Friends and family on both sides of the line: politically, morally, socially, in every way.  And neither side is entirely right.  But neither side is entirely wrong either. 

The beauty of our diversity is that when we peacefully disagree, we allow ourselves to grow.  We allow ourselves to learn from one another, from others who have walked a path that is unknown to us and afford each other the ultimate gift of grace.  I believe we each have a right to our own opinion, our own beliefs, our own religions and our own differences.  We should all believe in this for it is what makes us individuals and united within our differences. 

Unfortunately we’re fighting the wrong battle as we fight against one another:

Tearing down each other to get ahead.

Slandering each other to better our own name.

Screaming at each other to prove our own way is the only way.

Tearing off our dignity to flaunt ourselves into power.

Leaving our own trailed mess as we insist on others seeing our so-called beauty. 

We’ve seen in history many times when people have protested, in a peaceful manner, and had their voices heard which resulted in beneficial changes to our country.  We celebrate a woman who sat down in a single protest for her own right and now that moment marked in time as a shift in our views. Yet she got on that bus and quietly, courageously, boldly took her position.  She didn’t strip down, she didn’t tear apart every other seat and she certainly didn’t set the whole thing ablaze.  We have an entire day in honor of a man who had a dream. He stood and stated his words, his beliefs and his vision with humble pride in a people he truly believed could be inspired to be better and do better.  We can all do better. 

We need to find it within ourselves to breathe life into the ditch of dry bones that we’ve seemingly forgotten.  We need to find the courage to not fight for our views to be the same, they never will be, but instead to restore the decency in human nature.  No matter where we live, what religion we are, what background we come from.  No matter what our race, our social standing, our age… 

We are all CAPABLE of being decent to one another. 

We are all CAPABLE of being respectful of one another’s differences.

We are all CAPABLE of extending grace to those who we may not agree with.

We are all CAPABLE of finding it within our hearts to forgive those we feel wronged us. 

We are all CAPABLE of standing up in protest without defaming anyone else in the process.

We are all CAPABLE of raising our signs and then carrying those signs with us as we go. 

We are all CAPABLE of letting our voices be heard without screaming so loud our voices are drowned. 

We are all CAPABLE of allowing our lives to be our testimony of what we believe in and not forcing our views on every passing person.

We are all CAPABLE of restoring dignity, respect, honor and morality among our people.

….but are we WILLING? 

Are we WILLING to set aside our differences to see human souls, hurting, broken, crying out for help and a place to belong?

Are we WILLING to take a lesser role so that someone more qualified, more able, can fulfill a position needed?

Are we WILLING to humble ourselves and allow the rubbing of elbows, the differences we so beautifully carry to be a beacon of light for positive change in our world?

Are we WILLING to recognize the sacrifices made and honor those deserving of our utmost respect, giving credit where it is due?

It’s time that we consider our ability to restore unity in our people.  We must be willing to take shovelful’s of grace, compassion, consideration, empathy, gentleness, kindness, goodness and genuine love and fill in the ditch that we’ve created.  It’s our choice whether we erase the line in the sand or if we continue downward and allow the ditch to fill with the remains of our broken dreams, promises and lives. 

We’ve all been wrong.  But it’s not too late. 

Our dreams can be revisited, our promises can be reinstated and our lives can be redeemed.

We are capable.  But are we willing?

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”  Ephesians 4:2-3

“How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity!” Psalm 133:1

There Is A Gray

If social media had a brick and mortar building, I’m fairly certain most Christians could be found outside of it with their pickets in hand shouting “There is no gray!”  Every other headline seems to read some insinuation of that.  With good intentions Christians make their stand against a film that currently has everyone talking.  I’ve never read the book, I’ve never seen the trailer for the film, but I’ve seen enough to get the idea of what “50 Shades of Grey” is about. 

And I may stand as one but I am here to tell you church: You are going about “the grey” the wrong way. 

Let me be clear:  There is a gray.

Sex by God’s design is black and white, there is right and there is wrong.  But sex in our culture has the most shades of gray ever to exist.  By turning a blind eye and chanting “no gray,” you are simply taking a stand on a podium high and lofty above every other sinner and casting judgment in a place that isn’t yours to take.  It isn’t something new to anyone that God doesn’t promote pornography or abuse and it isn’t new to anyone that Christians would be the first to make their stand against such things. 

But church, please hear my plea: you are missing the hearts behind the hurt. 

“But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives.  At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them.  The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought a woman caught in adultery.  They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery.  In the Law of Moses commanded us to stone such women.  Now what do you say?”  They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger.  When they kept questioning him, he straightened up and said to them.  “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.”  Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. 

 

At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there.  Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”

“No one, sir,” she said.

“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared.  “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

John 8:1-11

There is a gray area and the church is casting stones when we should be extending grace.  And this is about so much more than a movie.  These shades of gray that have been labeled as “soft porn” and “accepted abuse” are found everywhere in a culture that has grown complacent and acceptant of sin.  Did you watch the Super Bowl?  The Grammy’s? Even if you sat down for evening television, you’ve witnessed all that which you are casting stones for.  All the gray you speak against is right before your eyes, in primetime television, in the latest song, on nearly every shelf of every movie-store.  God created us to live perfectly, intimately with one another as man and woman and also with Himself.  But, in the garden we fell and with that fall came the gray area.  We are all sinners, in desperate need of grace.  Jesus didn’t come to condemn the world, but to save the world.  Jesus didn’t come to condemn your sin, he came to pull you right up out of the pit of it and to save your life from it (Psalm 40:1-2).  As a church, as the body of Christ, as His followers, we need to get bold enough to face this shaded gray area for what it is.  We need to find the courage to be honest about what it is and get out of it.  We need to find courage to admit to one another that we have struggled too,

   that pornography had once had a grip,

   that lust had pulled us away from our true love,

   that we had given ourselves away in desperation, 

   that we have taken advantage

   or that we have allowed ourselves to be taken advantage of...

wherever we once were.  Because we all have in some way fallen short of the pure intimacy we were created for.  It’s time the church gets humble and bows low before the God who rescued them.  It’s time we are no longer quick to forget just how far we have been carried by arms that stretched across Calvary.  If we are going to be bold enough to throw a stone, why not be bolder and set down the stones so we can reach out a hand to help rescue the bleeding and broken hearts from the sin that they know.  To say

   I’ve been there,

   I understand,

   You were made for so much more,

   You have not done too much or gone too far,

   You’re not alone and I will help you find your way.

We serve this Amazing Creator who is able to create all things new.  Even our sex lives, even our passions, even our deepest longings and desires.  And while others turn away, labeling those living in the gray as dirty, unclean and unworthy, our Savior extends His grace.  Our Savior walks right into the gray and says “I see you, I know you, I love you and we’re getting you out of here.”  He let the adulteress walk away un-stoned with the command to leave her life of sin.  She was drug in a sinner, full of shame and disgrace, expecting to be cast off and she walked away as a woman whose brokenness was seen, whose heart was desired, who was forgiven and set free. 

 

Let us not be quick to forget that those stuck in the gray are in desperate need of Saving Grace.  They are there for a reason – searching, longing for their hearts to be seen, sought after and desired.  May we find the courage to help lead them out of it, not condemn them for being in it.  The church is full of those who have once lived in the gray, who still struggle to find freedom from the gray, as well as those who have found victory over the darkness and it’s time we humbly stand and reach out our hands. 

The Truth about sex is black and white, it is a gift to be shared with one.  Intimacy with God requires that we have no other gods before him.  Intimacy with our spouse is just the same – there should be no-one and no-thing else involved.  It is a sacred gift to give ourselves in love and in passion.  Society is wrought with other ways, all lies that pull us apart instead of bringing us together and we must not settle for it.  When the enemy has a foothold on what is sacred in ourselves, our lives become formed around guilt and shame.  When the enemy has a foothold on the bedroom of marriage the whole family suffers, because it is in the intimate moment of oneness that unity is strengthened.   The truth is black and white, there is no in between, it is clear: intimacy is a gift to be protected, valued, honored, and respected.  It is to be shared with one: to be given and to be received, freely and openly, without reserve.  Anything clouded, any shade otherwise, is settling for less-than when there is an offer for more.  Because His love is free, His bounty is endless and through Him all things are possible.

We need to turn away from media and turn back into our bedrooms, back into God’s holy union.  We need to search God’s Word to relearn intimacy as we were created for it.   We need to stop turning to our circle of friends with our frustrations and start turning toward one another in forgiveness.  We need to stop hiding our fears and our failures and start looking to the one we share this life for encouragement and new mercy.  And loved one, we need to start extending the same forgiveness that we were given by Christ, because this life and our lovers faults are not about us at all, he or she deserves respect – no matter what.  We need to stop carrying the weight of our past into the bedroom and work out our faith to leave the baggage at the cross.  We need to start getting on our knees, side by side, before God and asking for restoration.  We need to start believing in a God who is more than Able to bring full healing, full restoration and full redemption to all that was once lost and broken in our lives: spiritually, emotionally and physically.  Because sex is more than physical, it is spiritual and emotional and requires our full presence and a full God.  We need to get brave and responsible and teach our kids about Godly sex and stop letting the world parent our greatest blessings.  We need to teach this generation to live with genuine Christian conviction, to stand strong and to bow low.  To not only recognize the sin, to not only call out the sin, but to be even braver and reach out to the sinner.

Church, we need to get this gray thing right, lives depend on it.  Jesus came to bring us life to the full in every way (John 10:10).  If we are true followers of Jesus, we will live to bring life as well.  Stop chanting “no gray”, because the gray is very real, there are hearts and souls living there who need the light of Jesus in us to guide them out.  Be the light, reach the sinner, and humble yourselves to recognize your own sins and work out your own faith with conviction (Phil. 2:12-13).  May we be a people who lays down our stones, who lavishes grace and who walks away from our lives of sin.   May we recognize the lost, the hurting, and the searching and guide them to Rescue. 

 

Lord, may your Truth prevail as the enemy wages war on something so treasured.  I refuse to conform to the patterns of this world and to accept anything less than the beauty you created within my heart and my body.  Illuminate your Word that I may know clearly how you designed intimacy to be shared.  May I look to you to renew my deepest longings, my passions, and my desires.  You are the Author of miracles and of all things new, restore me Lord in the sacred places, that I may share this gift with one.  Help me to lay down the wounds of my past at the foot of the cross, knowing your love covers it all, that I may love freely, deeply, and without restraint.  Thank you for this gift that burns like a blazing fire, like a mighty flame.  Amen.

 

“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure…” 

Hebrews 13:4

 

 

 “But I tell you anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already

committed adultery with her in his heart.” 

Matthew 5:28

 

“Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. 

The troubles of my heart have multiplied; free me from my anguish. 

Look upon my affliction and my distress and take away all my sins.” 

Psalm 25:16-18

 

“If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us

our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” 

1 John 1:8-9

Wedding Day Letter from God

I created each of you,

Even before you were formed, I knew you and I set you apart.  Then I placed each of you in your mother’s womb, with a plan and purpose, to give you hope and a future.  Your hearts have prayed, have sought and have found.  And today, you will become one.
                                                               One life, one love, one journey Home.

Never underestimate my power through your lives.  Your strength comes with unity - alone you were once easily overpowered, now together you will be able to defend yourselves, but a cord of three strands is not easily broken.  Keep Me at the center of your marriage and all that you do.  I will be your strong shield, your protector.  I, myself, will go before you and will be with.  I will never leave you nor forsake you.

Keep in mind that just as you are human, so is the one at your side.  Today your love for one another is welling up within you, but there will be times when each of you will fall short.  When discouragement and disappointment come, when it is hard to find the love that you feel so abundantly today - look to Me.  I am the Unchanging One, the One who will not fail you, my mercies never come to an end.  I am the Source and Provider of the love that you have.  I have instilled it as a gift into your heart when you found one another, I have grown it and made it what it is today.  And I have much more for you - a storehouse, an abundance of riches.  It is because I first loved you, so much as to give my only Son, that you are able and will continue to be able to love one another with the same sacrificial love.

The love you have found, when rooted in Me is a safe place.  You should keep no record of wrongs but always extend forgiveness and grace just as I have lavished it upon you.  Freely give as I have freely given to you.  If one of you should stray, may the other humbly and gently bring you back into my embrace.  In doing so, you will save each other from destruction and cover over a multitude of sins.

When troubles and hard times come, when your stretched thin and when my heart breaks at the sight of most others walking out, may you allow those times to bring you all the more closer - closer to one another and to Me.  I will be faithful to light your path.  I am the Creator of the wind and the waves, they obey my Voice and at my command I can calm any raging storm that you face.  Should I allow you to go through it, I will sustain you, I will comfort you and provide for you so long as you remain in Me.  There will also be temptations ahead, I am already there and I promise you that I have already provided a way out of each one.
I want you to understand fully that it does not take a house of gold to build a home.  It takes a strong, and firm foundation, one only I can help you build.  If you choose to build it any other way, it will blow like a tumbleweed in the wind or come crashing to the ground the moment it faces danger.  But build your home and your love upon Me and my teaching, a solid rock, then through the torrents of rain and floodwaters you will stand.  When others enter your home, be an extension of my hand toward them.  This will allow all who enter to experience My love overflowing from your hospitality into their very own lives.  Those who need me and that I send you way, can find Me through you.  Keep the doors of your home and your hearts open and I will have an open door ahead of you that no man can close.

Follow the path that leads to my eternal riches, there are inheritantly yours, they have been handed down from the generations before you.  From the fathers and mothers, the grandparents, the aunts and uncles, the pastors, the friends and the family that have loved you, have shed tears over you, have sacrificed their own wants for you and have stormed my gates in prayer over your lives and who will continue to do so.  May your life together be a life that outlives you both, one that takes on the likeness of Christ and hands the treasures you will find down to the next generation to come.

Remember this day that you are no longer two but now made one, a sacred union that has been bestowed upon you.  Do not take this miraculous occurrence for granted.  Do not compare this gift to others around you, instead keep your eyes steadily fixed on Me, embracing the unique love that I have so abundantly blessed you with.  Every step you take forward together should be a choice to lay yourselves down for the sake of love.  To set aside you own wants and desires to walk along the narrow path, leading to life, hand in hand.  May your love be one that stays right where it began, at the altar.  Never giving up on one another, always keeping your hearts tender toward each other and toward Me.

When you seek Me, you will find Me, when you seek Me will all your heart.  I will teach you My ways and keep your hearts undivided - bound together and also bound to Mine.  May your love be simple: simply grounded and rooted in My love, simple given and simply shared.

A love that soaks it in, every blessed moment, for better or worse until the day you’re called Home.

Be one another’s best friend.  Never give up.  Always look for the best.

Trust Me steadily, hope unswervingly and love extravagantly,
                                                                             God.

Gen 1:27, Psalm 129:13, Jere 29:11, Mark 10:8, Col 3:14, Ecc 4:12, Psalm 18:2, Deut 31:8, Rom 3:23, Psalm 136, Deut 31:8, Rom 3:23, Lam 3:22, John 15:9-16, 1 John 4:10-11, 1 John 4:16, Psalm 46:1 MSG, Col 2:7, Eph 3:17-18, 1 Cor 13:4-8, Eph 1:7-9 ESV, Matt 10:8, James 5:19-20, Psalm 119:105,  Matt 8:27, Psalm 18:35, 1 Cor 10:13, Luke 6:42, Psalm 127:1, 1 Th 3:12, Phil 1:9-11, Rev 3:8, Matt 6:20,  Eph 1:11, Psalm 100:5, Ex 20:6, Deut 6:6-9, Heb 12:2, John 15:13, Mark 8:34, Matt 7:14, Jere 29:12, Ez 11:19, Psalm 86:11, 1 Cor 13:13 MSG

What You Really Need to Know About Marriage

It was close to nine years ago that they all wished us well with a “Congratulations” or something of the like.  They were joyful and celebrated our special day with us, showered us with cards and gifts.  But no one ever told us what marriage really meant, what it really meant for two to become one.

The "unity candles" you light don’t end when that white pillar is placed in a pretty box.  You will take your light and unite it with that of your love, making one single light burn bright.  And you’ll snuff your old light out to find a new togetherness.  And it’s no wonder those pretty candles burn on the altar because when that pretty candle is tucked away, your lives need to stay right there where they became one - at the altar.   

       “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be  joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.”  Genesis 2:24 

The honeymoon may have it’s share of road bumps and maybe even road blocks.  There will be things that catch you off guard and you may not have the island getaway that some do.  But you should soak in it, and be there - totally there, because when life comes at you, you’ll go back here and reminisce on those first days together.  Take lots of pictures.  One day you’ll pull out those photos and remember the innocent bliss of new found territory and you’ll fall in love all over again.  

 Everyone will have their opinion on your children.  When you should have them, how many you should have, when to try again and when to quit.  But this journey is one that only you and your spouse will travel together.  Others may be on the sidelines cheering you on but it is one another that you will need to lean on.  And as you do, make that known to one another:  hold her tight when the blue lines don’t show, and let him be there with you, let him hold you and know it’s okay to break for one another.  It’s okay to not be strong, because you aren’t in this alone.  If you are both weak, together you can lean on Him who is your Strength.

 “Be not dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you."  Isaiah 41:10

There will come a time when bills need paid, jobs need finished, the car needs repaired, the house needs work, the in-laws need visited, the chores need done…and times when it all happens at once.  There will be too much of it and you’ll both be stretched thin - emotionally, financially, physically and spiritually.  During these times you will be tempted to blame one another.  Do. Not. These are the times that miracles happen.  Literal, parting the Red Sea like miracles, when God can display His work in your lives.  It may be painful but put down your pointing finger and reach out your hand.  Go through it together because when you look back you will find that these were the times that refined your faith and you’ll be better for it.

“Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience.  But let endurance and steadfastness and patience have full play and do a thorough work, so that you may be perfectly and fully developed, lacking in nothing.” James 1:3-4 AMP

We are all human and we all have this nagging tendency to do it our own way.  When everything inside of you is screaming to get in the last word, instead of holding your ground, hold your tongue.  It has the power to destroy that heart you love so dearly.  Don’t let it.  And if something is said, don’t let it go thinking that you didn’t really mean it.  Go to them and humble yourself to ask forgiveness and speak life.  

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue”  Proverbs 18:21

Two lives don’t always come together with ease.  You will need to sacrifice some of your own wants and desires, your own habits and even your own dreams.  When you need to, it doesn’t make your spouse any less of a lover.  They too are making sacrifices even if you don’t realize it.  When you set aside your own wants, you become a tangible Jesus.  It was He who gave it all for you.  

 “Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all.” 

Romans 8:32

One day the sparks and butterflies will begin to fade.  But don’t settle for it, be intentional about it.  Society will tell you it’s chemical and try to put out the spark or encourage you to find other ways to keep it burning.  

So when life pulls you away

    the work…the kids…the family…the friends…
                            the groups…the sports…the deadlines…
                a society overwhelmed with pornography, prostitution,
                                                    masturbation and lust

                                                                         you need to pull in close to each other.  

As with any spark, it is up to you to make it a flame burning hot.  That may mean filtering your schedule:  taking on a less demanding job and trusting God more; quitting the team because your other half needs his/her teammate;  saying no to the outing with friends because what you really need is time with your best friend.  It may mean intentionally planning a date night. It may mean staying up late because it’s the only time you can be alone.  Make it happen.  And not out of duty or obligation, but out of love for one another and out of a passion whose fire can burn long and beautifully.  

          “Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well.” 

Proverbs 5:15

               “Flood waters can’t drown love, torrents of rain can’t put it out.”

              Song of Songs 8:6-7 MSG

Those date nights that once were filled with romantic evenings for two, candlelight and planning will not always be that way.  One day you’ll trade a night out for a night in.  You’ll decline the dinner reservations for a delivered pizza.  You’ll cringe at the thought of squeezing into your best outfit and you’ll choose to put on the oversized sweatshirt and pajama pants.  You’ll consider a walk on a dirt-road, a quiet stream to fish in, a tree-stand for two and a picnic blanket some of the best dates.  And it’s okay if a date night is simply falling asleep in one another’s arms because it’s all you have left at the end of the day.  Plan times to be alone together, keep on dating, it’s really that important.  

If you have children you will need to know the best advice I’ve ever heard:  

GOD.  MARRIAGE.  KIDS.  

That order.  Always.  Because when the wise man whispered it after a dinner spent watching the two of them lean on one another and laugh with each other and seeing their eyes still shine - I knew he knew.  And I breathed a sigh of relief at just how right he was.  One day your babies will outgrow your lovely nest and you need to have a good, solid foundation when they do.   Be careful to not lose your realtionship in relating to your little ones.  It’s okay to take them to grandma’s just so you can focus on one another for longer than three short seconds without whines, cries, demands or questions.  It’s okay to call an early bed time because you need a little more time with your love.  These things don’t make you bad parents - they make you better parents.  Parenting will undo you, it will change your lives entirely, make the change together.  

Your marriage began at the altar and that’s where it needs to stay.  When one of you gets up and walks away, which you will because we all fall short, the other should push him back.  We get to celebrate our love’s victories and see them at their best, but we must not turn away when they hit rock bottom and when we see them at their worst.  These are the times our love needs our love, His love, the most.  We made the commitment the day we lit the candle and placed the ring on one another’s finger and we need to commit every day of our lives to living up to our promise.  For better or for worse.  Bring them back to the foot of the cross, kicking and wailing if you must, but back to the Loving care of Him who holds you both together.  

When you least expect it, you may be on the receiving end of a confession.  Listen with grace, the same grace that He extended to you when He sent His Only Son. Stay humble and hear the heart behind the hurt and extend forgiveness even if it feels undeserved.  Because soon enough you may be on the other side and find yourself needing to admit your wrong-doing.  In those moments you will need forgiveness and grace as well.  And when you can’t find the strength, ask Him who supplies all our needs and extend it through Him.  He is faithful.  If you can find humility in the darkest days, you can shine the very light of Christ to the one you love.  Keep your heart tender toward your love and tender toward your God.

“Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you,      with all malice.  And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:31,32

Make it a habit to pray for one another.  Write your prayers down, pray them boldly, believe big things for your love.   Insert their name in scripture and claim promises over their lives.  God has graciously given you the gift to spend your life with this one.single.person.  Use it wisely.  Don’t waste a minute of it.  Storm the gates of Heaven and Earth with prayers for him/her.  Share your burdens.  Be vulnerable and courageous.  Praying for one another and with one another will bring an intimacy to your marriage that no bedroom can produce.

One day that hand that you place that shining ring on will be frail.  The lines will tell the story of your lives.  And when that time comes you’re going to want to be there.  You’re going to want to hold that hand when your time is running out.  Because in those moments what really matters is the love you shared.  The job, the work, the hobbies, the others…they fade into the background.  

What will matter is the life and the love that you shared

...together...

There I sat, witnessing love when all else faded away and those two frail hands were holding tight one last time.  She couldn't say it enough:

“You’re the best friend I ever had, I love you…I love you.” 

“Thank you for the beautiful life you’ve given me.  I love you.”

He asked for her coat because when he could barely utter anything he still worried about her and cared for her.  It’s what he knew to do - to love her beyond himself.  Just like the Savior he loved so dearly did for him.

With tears in his fading eyes he said back, three words whispered

                                                                              “…I love you.”


He looked right in the eyes of my husband, my best friend, my love and he said
“Take care of my baby.”  And that blue-eyed love of mine choked back tears and promised him that he would.

Because the Home-bound man knew what my love and I had.  

And I knew it.

I knew he would take care of his bride that is undeserving of the beautiful life and love that he continues to give me.  Because I mess up, I get it wrong, I’ve held my ground when I should have held my tongue. I have gotten up and walked hard away from the altar.  I’ve been on the receiving end of a confession and I’ve also fallen on my knees begging for forgiveness, forgiveness that I gave and that he gave…the first time we asked.  I’ve had to drag that boy with all my might back to the altar and God bless him for bringing me back kicking and wailing.  

He loves me beyond himself, just as I love him.  

It’s not about the wedding day - the white dress, the boutonniere, the perfect colors, the flowers or the dancing.  It’s not about the cards and the gifts and the well-wishes.  It’s not about how the tiered cake stood perfectly, if it stood at all.  It’s not about the big or the fancy, the invitations or the favors.

It’s about the wedding of two lives together as one - the healing after being broken, the standing after falling, the arms that caught you when you fell and the eyes that hold your gaze.  It’s about patience, forgiveness, grace and mercy.  It’s about standing by one another’s side to celebrate the good days and staying closely there when you face your worst.  It’s about finding beauty in the uncovered body that has stretched and grown and wrinkled in time.  It’s about the love that thrives:
                                        baked in the warm cookies,
                                            given in the welcome home kiss,
                                                 made between the crisp sheets,
                                                     grounded in the morning devotions
                                                         and grown deeper as the time goes by.

It’s about the legacy you leave behind, a life of love that will outlive you both.  It’s about remembering the flame you lit together and staying right there where you began - at the altar.

“Marriage is a crucifixion and you’re not meant to survive it.” 

Charles Stanley