Three Words: It's Your Fault

“It’s YOUR fault.”

I watched from a distance as my two children wrestled on the couch.  It was a fun, sibling match full of giggles and grins.  Until Jayden began to fall, her face and Peyton’s foot colliding.  She burst out in tears and immediately Peyton turned and shouted “It’s YOUR fault.”

Three words that have the power to penetrate through the depths of our hearts.  

I called my son over to me and he hurried to explain to me that he hadn’t hurt his sister.  He was quick to dismiss all responsibility in the matter and even quicker to pass it on.  But neither of them were at fault.  As she sat there, hurt and crying, he had the opportunity to comfort her.  Instead he chose to make her feel guilty.

The passing on of guilt and shame.  When one broken heart is left unhealed by a Savior, it continues the pattern.  Breaking one heart after another.

“Amnon became frustrated to the point of illness on account of his sister Tamar, for she was a virgin and it seemed impossible for him to do anything to her.”  2 Samuel 13:2 NIV

Amnon was around 22 and Tamar, 15.  At that time, the daughters were kept in strict seclusion and this frustrated Amnon.  His problem was lust.  The same problem that caused his father to devise a plan to sleep with Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11).  Amnon made himself sick, lay in bed and requested Tamar to cook for him.   Verses 6-14 tell us how the story that tragically ends.

“But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger that she, he raped her.”  2 Samuel 13:14

Read on to what it says next.

“Them Amnon hated her exceedingly (he blamed her for what he had done)…” vs. 15 (The Expositors Study Bible)

None of us would blame this innocent girl who was simply caring for her brother.  But I wonder what her heart went through after leaving with the door being “bolted after her.” (vs. 18)  What disgrace did she allow in?  What shame did she carry?

What disgrace have you allowed in?
What shame have you carried?

“Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the ornamented robe she was wearing.  She put her hand on her head and went away, weeping aloud as she went…And Tamar lived…a desolate woman.”  vs. 19,20

She carried so much shame, embarrassment and grief that she became desolate.

Desolate: empty, joyless, without hope, abandoned, depressed, devastated place

For you feeling like you are broken and used.
For you who weep aloud.
For you Tamar’s who carry burdens of shame, disgrace, embarrassment and grief.  
For you empty, joyless, without hope.  Feeling abandoned, depressed and whose hearts are devastated.

“(You) will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; (you) will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations…Instead of (your) shame my people will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace (you) will rejoice in your inheritance…and everlasting joy will be (yours).”  Isaiah 61:4,7

He has come to remove our ashes - those reminders that mark us as used, abused, unworthy, unloved - and in place give us beauty (Isaiah 61:3).  

He has come to take our hearts, tossed by the storms of life and left wounded, uncomforted, and rebuild us in beauty, splendor and with preciousness (Isaiah 54:11).  

Know today that it is not your fault.
You are not guilty.  
Chose today to turn your ashes over to His Healing touch.  Allow His nail-scarred hand to press into your wound and bring Healing that only He can.  No longer carry the bags of regret and shame, choose to break the pattern.   Because those three words have penetrated our hearts, some way and some how, but His Truth tells a different story - His Truth tells us we are redeemed and we are free.

Bath Time For Kitty

Peyton’s favorite toy is a small white kitty in which I think he believes is real.  He does everything with the kitty that we do with our real kitty, including giving it a bath. Almost daily he says “Mom, my kitty is dirty, can I give him a bath?” and usually he’s allowed. The last time the kitty got a bath with him, I gave Jayden her small pink puppy to bath. 

Which bring us to the day her kitty got a bath.

It was another Wednesday which meant Peyton had Cubbies at church.  That morning I sat down with him to go over his lesson while Jayden finished up her oatmeal in the kitchen. As we were going over his Bible verse, she walked in the room and I quickly realized she was not finishing her oatmeal as I had thought. There she was, in her nightgown, holding her soaking wet black kitty which was dripping all over the floor. She was as proud as could be having bathed her kitty just like her big brother!

“Uh oh! He’s dripping all over, let’s get a towel and dry him off,” I said.

Conveniently enough there lie a dish towel beside us on the floor. She picked up the towel, wrapped up the kitty, sat him on a stool and scrubbed him up. Not seeing this as much of a big deal, I let her go and went back to Peyton’s Cubbies lesson. She finished drying her kitty then sat near us to listen in.

When we were all finished, I figured I better go tackle the mess of water that I had assumed was all over the bathroom.

If only it were that simple.

I followed a trail of wetness through the kitchen, into the bathroom, and right up to what I expected to be the sink.  Instead, my eyes stopped at the toilet. 

The toilet.

A toilet that also happened to be filled with pee, wet toilet paper in and out, and surrounded by a drenched floor. This is the dreaded moment when I realized that little black kitten had gotten a bath in the toilet and my little girl, all this time, had been covered in water and pee. 

Into the bathroom she came, carrying her kitty, proud and ready to show Mama just how she bathed it all by herself.

“Jayden….did you bath your kitty in the potty?” I asked.

She shook her head yes without a care in the world.  It was now bath time for both a little girl and her kitty.  So I got her in the tub, put the kitty in basket with a load of laundry, and cleaned up the mess. 

I find myself relating to my girl.

Times when I felt I had a good idea, went ahead with it, did it on my own and when finished, looked at what I had done with pride.  Haven't you? 

Thinking, "Look what I've done!  What an accomplishment!"

Then, just like when Jayden brought me the kitty, we decide to let our Father in on what we've done.  We go to Him full of pride, ready to receive His blessing.  What we usually find out is that we've made a mess.  Our idea, as good as it seemed at the time, created a mess that ultimately He, Our Father, will have to clean up.  What we didn't realize at the time was our good idea was just that - our good idea.  We acted before we sought council from our Father.  

Our ideas, no matter how great, will soon turn into another mess without prayerful consideration and His guidance.  We need to seek Him first, spend time in prayer, receive His blessings before jumping into our "good idea."  

Because our "good idea" may not be such a good idea after all. 

Thank God for his grace and infinite love for us.  He helps clean up the messes we've made of our lives.  He washes us of our sins.  He gently wipes away our guilt and makes us new, only asking that we seek forgiveness and turn our hearts toward Him. 

Now when you ask Jayden, "Did you wash your kitty in the potty?" she shakes her head yes.  

But if you ask her, "Are you allowed to bath your kitty in the potty?" she will tell you no, understanding the potty isn't the best choice for a good bathing.    

Let us learn to seek God first, trusting that His ways are best.  Just as parents want only the best for our children, God, our Heavenly Father, wants only the best for us.

"'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the LORD." Isaiah 55:8

"Guide me in Your truth and faithfulness and teach me, for You are the God of my salvation; for You I wait expectantly all day long." Psalm 25:5